I am sole caregiver for my elderly narcissistic father, who was never there for my sister and I growing up, despite knowing we were abused by mother/uncle. Fast forward decades later, sister is lost to addiction and I've been care taking father. I do a great job, although I do allocate as much as I can to caregivers at his facility. I've done his finances for years so that he has enough to live comfortably despite the high cost of his facility.
But because he is narcissistic and nothing is ever enough, I get guilt tripped all the time by "well meaning" church folks, relatives and care givers who only see his super nice guy act, and not the full blown narcissism I'm getting behind the scenes. Honestly, I do more for him than almost any other adult children I see around the facility, most stay a half day or a few days and leave all the logistics to the staff. I help out a ton, but for sanity sake and health sake I have firm boundaries how far I'm willing to go (ie not spending weeks at a time for visits, or flying out every 6 weeks, as I'm neither rich, retired or have other siblings to help)
Anyone else have nosy relatives or staff in their lives that seem enjoy guilt tripping care givers from the side lines, either from some misplaced control issues or worse because they're hoping for a possible pay out? (had a cousin flat out ask my mom to start giving her money despite barely having a relationship). How do you handle this? I mostly try and be philosophical and keep a sense of humor, but sometimes it really gets to me.