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Thanks to all of you who gave advice about moving my mom to memory care and how to break the news. Long story short, with a mix of aid from her doctor, a long talk from me, a short visit a week in advance, a boost from a family friend and multiple white lies, I moved her in 2 days ago. The good news is she’s out of bed, dressed and clean, and eating. The bad news is she’s obviously disoriented and scared. I also wonder if she’ll regress as others seem less cognitively with it. It’s not as though I expected she would thank me for suddenly uprooting her from her home of 57 years. But she looks so fragile that I find myself wondering if there wasn’t some other way or alternative (even if my rational mind says there wasn’t). Will it get better?

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Unfortunately, guilt is part of the experience of putting a much-loved part of your family in a facility. As my daughter said, “It’s a dart in your heart.” My Mom acted out with anger and accusations, most aimed at me. As your mom becomes more accustomed, your feelings of sadness and remorse will disappear. Make sure you keep up on how much she is interacting with the staff and how much they are encouraging, but not forcing her, to participate in the activities they have. Always keep your visits positive. Listen to her opinions about the place, but don’t encourage negativity. It will get better.
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I hope that you can find some peace in knowing that you did the right thing. It's still very soon and I might give it more time for her to settle in. Is she verbal? It must be hard if she's not. When my LO was transferred to MC, she was still pretty verbal and told me repeatedly, that the staff was nice to her and that she really liked it there. She's always had good things to say about the staff and the other residents, which gives me peace of mind. She's not as verbal now, but, seems to feel kindly to them.

I like Commutergirl's idea about the music. My LO really enjoys it, even if it's for a little while. Can you put a radio in her room. Will a staff member turn it on and off for her?

If after awhile she seems to be scared, I'd discuss it with her doctor to see if she's overly anxious. I'd explore medication to see if that would be helpful.
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There is a video (youtube) called Alive Inside. So awesome. A social worker volunteered his time to work in a nursing home. Met with a neurologist and found music has not been affected by Alzheimers nor dementia. I bought my mom the headphones and uploaded some of her favorite church hymns. Whenever we are out and about or just sometimes in the house I put them on her. She sings along and its a great distraction from her present situation. Be it at the dr. office or in the van. I know the surroundings are different than your circumstance, but the distraction and keeping the mind alert is the connection. Watch the video, you will be amazed.
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I understand your pain ..I’m looking for a long term care place for Mom and I’m so worried ,,you are in my thoughts and prayers ..I hope,it gets better lots of love
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