How do I plan an inexpensive funeral?

You really don't have to anything you don't want to do. Viewings, visitation, luncheons are not neccessary if you don't want them. Same with flowers, music. I had my uncle cremated and his ashes buried at the cemetary with his wife. His name was already on the headstone or I wouldn't have done that. They called me and I went to the cemtary the day they buried the urn.

Check with the Funeral Home.
When I was looking at Funeral Homes for my Husbands funeral I found out a few things.
1.. Embalming is NOT required (at least in Illinois) BUT if the body is not embalmed it must be a closed casket and if you want to view the body before the funeral ONLY family can if there has been no embalming.
2. If I chose to use a casket purchased elsewhere (Costco for example) other options in the "menu" of services jumped in price as I was then paying for each individual "service" ala cart rather than a few "services" grouped together. I don't know how else to explain this. So check with the Funeral home before you buy a casket on line.
3. 1 day is less expensive than having a wake on day 1 and a short wake time then burial on day 2.
4. There is a separate cost (at least for me) to open the grave site. the cost probably would have been less if we had a columbarium rather than interment.
5. You can elect not to have flowers but people will do what people do and they may order flowers. (I did not have flowers and people sent flowers)
6. You could go ahead and do a cremation. While he said it is not for him if there is no religious reason that he is not wanting to be cremated....
Lastly
donating the body for medical research. Once they are done the body is cremated and returned to you at no cost.

Buy a casket online. They are cheaper than purchasing one in a funeral home.

Do you belong to a church? Some churches are charitable and pay funeral expenses for those in the congregation who don’t have the funds.

How do you feel about a Go Fund Me Page? He wouldn’t have to know.

Grammie, Would cremation bother you? He’s going to be dead. It simply won’t matter to him.

If money hasn’t been allocated for final expenses then have him cremated.

Have your husband put in writing his wishes. Notarized.

There is a very small burial amount from Social Security.
If he is a veteran, he could use veterans benefits for burial (free in a national cemetery).
You might want to bring in one of your adult children to help make decisions.

If your dH is that ill, and on hospice, retrieve or cancel the golf club membership now. If you are POA, take care of it.

Otherwise, make plans with your husband, understanding no one knows when we will die.

So sorry that your husband is ill. You are wise to plan now.

As said, he will be gone and won't know any better.

What is involved in a full funeral...a plot, a casket, a vault (yep the have vaults to line the grave), a viewing one night, an hour viewing before the service, the service and then going to the graveside, a cost for the hairdresser and clergy. Oh flowers and a luncheon. I cut out the night before viewing. Got the same casket Mom got for Dad. What was good for him was good for for her. I got a local place to cater at my husbands Golf Club. Total cost 13k.

If you cannot afford 13k then have him cremated. If he wanted a full blown Funeral he should have saved for it. Do not go in debt. Opening a grave is expensive, about 1k to 2k. See if the cemetery has vaults where you can put your urns. Do you belong to a Church? People from our Church had a lovely service for their son. The Urn was placed inside a wreath of flowers. There was a line of people showing their respects then we sat down for the service. The women of the Church put on a nice luncheon. The cost to the family was to pay for the meat everything else was made by the women of the Church. All the family did was donate to the Church, the minister took nothing from members. Maybe something can be done at DHs golf club.

Is your husband a veteran? Call the VA dept in your county and see what is offered. For County cemeteries I think the plot is provided, a plaque and a military service but you pay to have it opened. I live near a National cemetery. Because of its size, my in-laws had to be cremated. The plot, opening it up and the plaque cost us nothing. I had clergy at both and both had a military send off. Friends and family attended both. What is nice, is the Wreaths across America do the National Cemeteries every Dec. which we donate to. So for Christmas each grave gets a wreath.

If he is cremated no need for embalming and you can have a memorial anytime you want. Cost where I live thru a Funeral home 7 yrs ago was $2300. Some places have crematoriums nearby that the body can go straight to without going thru a middle man. I think my MIL set up her cremation ahead of time.

I think one good thing with COVID is people realized you do not have to have a full blown funeral. I just saw and ad on FB put up by a Funeral home saying "Funerals are for the Living" yes and to line Funeral Homes pockets. I am sure they have lost alot of money in the last 3 yrs. People finding cremation being so much cheaper and just graveside services. It may be closure to some but its also stressful especially for the spouse. I like the way the Jewish do it, buried by the next day. The Amish too. This dragging it out with viewings and 3 days is too much IMO.

I work in Baltimore, and I remember the first time a coworker lost a family member they asked for donations from all of us. My coworkers from my area were rather suprised, but I am so used to it after 25 years I just throw down some cash and go on my way,, happy to help. So I guess it depends on the area,, it seems to be the thing they do around here. And honestly I would rather help out the family than buy flowers that last a few hours, or donate to a charity that keeps most of the money for the top executives. You do what you have to,, and my prayers are with you

No, no, NO, you cannot ask people to help pay for a funeral! You…simply cannot. You will feel ashamed of yourself forever, if you do that. Me, I’d go the cremation route, despite his strange aversion to it. He won’t know; he’ll be in Sweet Oblivion. But don’t be suckered into buying a tacky, expensive urn…any vessel will do. A quart fruit jar.

Everyone should read Jessica Mitford’s book, *The American Way of Death,* to get a good education on how the funeral-home (home???) industry is gouging us all left and right. Don’t pay into that phony, predatory system!

A friend had a memorial service for her husband in a park. People brought covered dishes and they sat around reminiscing about her husband until everyone went home. Why not go that route? I don't know what her expenses were, if any, or if the park shelter was free.

You could also do this at a beach, in the backyard or in your house, anywhere people can gather.

Old style churchy funerals can be so depressing. And if you need Bible readings or prayers, anyone can do that. You can invite a minister to preside and share the meal.

Funeral homes are required to post all their prices on their websites, so start comparing prices now.

Caskets are the biggest-ticket item, so be prepared to take a big hit in the wallet. The more they deal with the body (embalming, dressing, transporting to church, to cemetery, paid lurkers at both, etc), the more it costs.

I have to agree with Bridget -- he doesn't get to bankrupt you because he doesn't want to be cremated. Then again, I believe that when you're dead you're dead, and how the remains are disposed of is of minimal importance

If you choose a place that does only cremations (as opposed to a fancy full-service mortuary), you'll save a fortune. I used the fancy place to cremate my dad, and it was around $2800. I used a cremate-only place for Mom, and it was $750. They both ultimately ended up in the same place, I picked up their ashes, and we dealt with the cemetery ourselves without mortuary middle-men involved. Huge amounts of money saved.

Also, don't get talked into buying a ton of death certificates. Buy two or three at most, because anyone who needs a copy of it will make a photocopy and hand the original back to you. I was talked into buying a dozen for Dad ($21 each), and I bought five for Mom. I've only given away one that wasn't returned.

Graygrammie, I don't get why you think you should impoverish yourself for the sake of someone who has bullied you endlessly.

Just do a cremation and be done with it. Nod and smile when he demands things.

If he made the finances a mess, he doesn't get to demand a burial. Cremate and be done with it. Don't promise anything.

Do you know what facility you will use. If so go to them NOW and discuss. Tell them what you told us and that you have the gravesite. Tell them you need to discuss options for casket, service, etc that is within your range. You may want to eliminate services altogether. The rules re caskets and outer containment varies area to area. Get the information now.
I myself would do the cremation no matter what I "promised" the person I love, but as a person mostly steeped in science I believe that gone is gone, and as Poet and Undertaker Thomas Lynch observes, when a person has died there is nothing you can do FOR, WITH, or ABOUT them that will disturb them. Promises made for some future that cannot be predicted are about as worthless as promising nothing.
You have some good suggestions here. You can eliminate services and have a home Celebration of life with dear friends at some time in the future.
I am sorry it has come to this and I wish you luck. Do basically as you think is best. No one should judge you on this.

My mother just prepaid her own cremation, and just readjusted her own funeral plans from a full blown funeral to a "you don't even have to have a service" option for me. The cremation cost about 2k and was planned in accordance with state law on cremation etc. The funeral home walked her through the legal requirements. You might want to meet with a funeral home first to see what the minimum cost is to bury your husband. Some states require a great deal to be buried. Once you have a ballpark figure you can work from there. They can bury your husband without a service and you might consider having a low key memorial service, instead of a huge funeral.

Sorry to be tacky about this next part. Once your husband is dead, he will not care if you follow his wishes or not. If he put you in financial straits, then I would bury him on the cheap and be done with it.

Not doing any embalming is a good starting point. Buy the casket online, not from a funeral home. Have a memorial after he’s in the ground, either by renting a hall or having it in your home.

It’s good you’re looking into this early, the funeral industry is one of the sleaziest industries out there, and love to price gouge grieving loved ones.

It isn't tacky at all. It is something that you need and ultimately honors your husband. Funerals should be subsidized (that's another story).

* It is possible to do anything before he passes, i.e., create a Go Fund Me page?

* Ask funeral homes if they have accommodations for lower income families or a payment plan (sounds awful).

* Contact your church or any / all local churches. They may help.
- Churches: ask if they have a bulletin board you can post this need (every little bit helps).

* Ask your friends NOW. Everyone that knows you and/or him personally.
Contact organizations you / he belongs to. If you do not want to do this now, have 'it' set up for soon after - and ask someone to help you with it (after he passes) as you won't likely feel like being on the computer / phone asking for this support at that time.

* As mentioned, do what you need to do - whatever you can live with - after the fact, even if not your husband's wishes. You need to eat, pay mortgage (?), survive yourself. I believe your husband would want you to survive / live as best you can without him (which means making these tough decisions).

Consider the situation for yourself. Personally, I am donating my body to science (MedCure) as I do not want to incur any expense or least amount as possible.
It is a waste of money to me although I realize others' have religious connotions associated with this service / burial decision.

I hope this helps.

Gena / Touch Matters

Well, my mom and dad pre-planned and pre-paid for their funerals, right down to the flowers, for which I will be forever grateful.

Talk to a funeral home and be right up front about the lack of funds. Letting them know ahead you really have nothing and can't scrounge it up may help them to find you a casket that is very inexpensive, and what other places you can cut costs.

IDK about doing a 'plea' for fund to help. That seems so sad to me. But it's worth a try. I would rather have money than a huge flower arrangement that will be dead in days. (We buried mom on a day that hit 107 degrees. I encouraged ALL the grands and great grands to take as many flowers from the arrangements as they wanted. They did--picked them pretty bare). We went back to the gravesite 2 hrs later and every single flower was wilted and brown. $1200, all dried up.)

If your DH's financial misdeeds makes it so you simply cannot afford to do a full grave, them have him cremated. Not out of spite, but out of necessity.

We can WANT what we WANT for out final 'wishes' but there have to be funds to pay for it. Just saying.

If your DH is a vet, he does get a BIG lovely American flag. We were very grateful b/c the casket he chose was cheap looking. The flag covered it completely.