Zoom celebration for the deceased?

I am sorry for the loss of your husband. I know you have to be totally exhausted. Like some of the others have said on here, the Zoom Celebration would be more for the extended family, for them to get what ever closure they need. You don't have to participate if you don't want to. Your husband knew that you loved him and that you took great care of him in his final years. Take comfort in that, and don't worry about what the rest of family is doing. You need to now take care of yourself, and do what's best for you.

And the word "celebration" when used in death, for us christians just means that we are now rejoicing that our loved one is now home with Jesus in heaven, and that they no longer have to suffer here in this world. It really is something to celebrate, even though the loss to loved ones left behind is hard.

Wishing you God's peace, comfort and rest during this difficult time.

Your husband may not have wanted any kind of celebration/service/funeral. But other family and friends might need it to say their own goodbye and remember the good times. A zoom gathering will do that for them. There is no need for you to join in if you don't want to.
Your husband's care was your focus for a very long time. You did all you could to make his last years as good as they could be, and you did it alone. He knew that, and that is what's important. Let the zoom gathering happen and rest assured that it can do no harm at this point. And bless you for those 12 years of caring love.

Sister, I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband.
11 years is a long time to take care of someone, especially when you're alone. You must have spent much of that time feeling very lonely and isolated.
A funeral - or whatever term people want to use - is for the living, not the dead. I can well understand your exhaustion. I can also imagine you are feeling a good bit of anger towards these family members, as it must seem like they had no great affection for your husband while he was alive - or they would have taken more of a role in his care - but now that he's gone, they're excited to plan a funeral. I can't even begin to imagine how furious that must make you, and rightfully so.
You need to find time to rest now, and time to grieve. It is now time for you to concentrate on you and what YOU need. If you choose not to participate in this ceremony, for whatever reason, that is your prerogative, and you don't have to justify that to anyone. Just be sure the decision is what you want - not what your husband would have wanted - and it's a decision that you won't look back on a year from now and say "I wish I had done that differently.".
Everyone grieves differently. If you are the kind of person that needs solitude during times like this, then be at peace with your decision to not participate. However, if you feel like you would benefit from having people near you now, then participate on your own terms - or plan something with people who you care about and who can offer you comfort during this time. You are what matters right now.
Again, I am so very sorry for your loss. (((hugs)))

i would just let it go, it's doubtful anything you say will deter them anyway and your absence will speak loud and clear. And I'm sorry for the added stress in your time of loss.

Bless your heart. You are totally overwhelmed and exhausted. Just let it go. Let extended family have their Zoom goodbye. You don’t have to participate. You need time to yourself for healing, rest, reflection and peace. My heart goes out to you.

If this is something they want then let them plan and don’t participate. Celebration may seem an odd word but it’s for celebrating his life. It is hard being a solo caregiver. Honor his wishes and do what you want. You’re not on this earth to please others whims.

Not sure but part of the issue here may be that the extended family members who did not HELP take care of him when he was alive, now suddenly feel like they want to have something to celebrate his life. And seriously, they need to be allowed to do their "grieving"? 12 years of dementia and no help to wife but they are grieving? Perhaps the husband, who would have been aware, at least in the early days, that his extended family was not present.

I would be angry. it is really easy to make a show of "how sad it is" and "how much we will miss him" but they did not do the hard work of caring for him and showing up for him when he was alive.

Let them plan whatever they think will help them. You don't need to participate.

"Celebration" to those the closest to them is hard to take, simply because it seems anything but.

I was there in April when my mum passed away suddenly with Covid-19. Rest of the family wanted to talk and as it was during lockdown, I was never off the phone it seemed when I wanted to be left alone to my thoughts of my mum and reflect on how I was going to face going forward without her in my life. Going forward is much better than being told your moving on.

In terms of your dilemma with the zoom celebration. I would refrain from trying to tell others what to do, after all people grieve in different ways and noone should be told how that process should happen. But also the same applies to yourself. Kindly decline your involvement and remember him in your own way. Go for a walk or do an activity that you know you both enjoyed or got pleasure from. Visit a place close to you both.

Time is an healer in this things and you will find it easier to go forward with him playing a part in your life in a different way to before but still part of it. The main thing to remember that it's not a race and you will go through the grieving process at different pace to everyone else and with different highs and lows along that process. Just be kind to yourself along that journey and you will be fine.

Funerals and memorials are for the living, never the dead. What would give you comfort? DO THAT! If others wish to have a "ZOOM Celebration," let them. You can decide to participate or not. Please consider a GriefShare group to help you with dealing with the loss of your spouse.