How do I live on my own, and take care of my mildly disabled mom?
I currently live with grandparents. I have a job, and I want to move out alone and live in an apartment.
The problem is that my mom is mildly mentally disabled. She doesn't want to live with my grandparents anymore, and wants to move in with me. She can't work or drive anywhere. I'm understanding of because she is mentally disabled, but she also refuses to do anything for herself that she should be able to do. She refuses to learn how to write checks, change the TV settings, change the settings on her alarm clock, and even replace light bulbs when they burn out.
I want to be able to take care of her and help when necessary. I also want to live my own life. I want my own place. I want to be able to get in a relationship and get married. I want to study and get a better career. I want to go on trips and vacations. I won't be able to do any of this if I'm living with my mother and doing absolutely everything for her. When my grandparents are dead, I'm stuck with her.
What should I do? I want my independence, but I also want to help my mom only with things she needs help with.
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By now you certainly realize that this situation is becoming a burden for you. Good for you for wanting to further your education. You won’t regret your decision to study hard. Acquiring a good education will open doors for your future.
I will tell you the same as I told my own daughters, wanting and having a relationship is nice but finish your education, so you never have to rely on anyone else. It is best to be able to support yourself.
Have a talk with mom and tell her what your priorities are. I would never expect my children to care for me. Do speak to her case worker to help plan for her future care. She will adapt to her new circumstances. You do not have to follow the same steps that your grandparents have.
Create your own path in life. I wish you all the best as you embrace a new and exciting future.
If your Mother has a goal of not living with her parents, this is something she can discuss with her Case Worker. Realistic housing goals can be decided on. This may a supported group home, or maybe an independent living apartment with weekly Case Management & services. It will depend on her level of independance.
Wanting to not live with her parents does not equate to living with you instead. They are very separate things.
Can your grandparents take care of Mom? If so, time for you to be on your own. You don't need to take Mom with you. Thats a responsibility you don't need. Tell her for now its not possible. You will not have the money to support her.
I'll move out on my own, and figure out a way for her to be independent.
It's time for you to grow up and have and enjoy a life of your own, and it's also time for mom to grow up and get a life of her own as well. There's plenty of help available for your mom, if she really wants it, and none of it involves you. So go out and get your own place, and start living your life. You will live to regret it if you don't.
Nobody should be stuck because someone doesn't want to apply themselves and improve their situation.
Choices have consequences and hers will be that she doesn't have a place when her parents die or get tired of her not taking personal responsibility and kick her out.
Help her find and utilize the services that are available for her. That is the best help that you can provide. Enabling her is disabling her.
She has a learning disability, along with another mental disabilities including depression and anxiety, which are helped by medication. She has confidence issues because my grandparents won't let her do things like drive and doing her own cooking. I think she could live on her own, but I don't know how to move out without pissing her off. We discussed moving together into an apartment, but I want to live on my own.
What kind of disability does your mom have? Does she receive SSI? Does she have a caseworker?
She has a learning disability. I don't know much because my grandparents take care of her. I'm sure she has SSI. She gets money from the government every month. She has a caseworker.