For the first time in five years I am not taking my mother to Florida with my husband & I. I usually take her from mid Dec. until end of March, then Spend end of March til end of April with her in her home until my husband returns but I can no longer physically handle transporting her on my own and I also can no longer emotionally handle her for all that time. I feel very quilty leaving her especially in the winter where she won't get much interaction. My sister takes her to appointments and gives her supper but never actually sits in mom's home and spends quality time with her. My sister lives five mi utes from mom. My sister and her husband walk daily in fact right past mms house . I asked them to park at mom's to start their walk from there that way they can drop in. Score the walk and after the walk to check in her as she is severe diabetic and her RA some mornings gives her issues drawing up insulin and getting breakfast, my sister started parking at mom's but instead of going in, she calls mom from her cell phone and tells mom they parked in her driveway, they go on their walk, return to their vehicle and leave and never see mom. My brother lives 25 minutes away and doesn't see mom for several months and doesn't call her either. I am grateful my sister gives mom a meal, takes her to appointments and to church but other than that, mom is alone. I did get 4 hours approved from Area Agency on Aging to begin the 7th but am fearful mom won't like strangers coming in. I put Christmas decorations up for mom while here for three weeks, I have made sure she for a roof on her house, my husband and I do the heavy work for the house and yard, I take care of all insurance and med issues, when my step dad passed, I made sure mom had an income, insurance etc., everyone else just walked out the door. Yet I feel guilty for leaving. I had my mom and stepdad for two winters in Florida until he passed, then had mom for five winters. I can't stay here with mom and not see my husband for four to five month or longer, yet I feel guilty walking away from her. I need a break! My siblings need to step up. Talking to them does no good!

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Think of how you are feeling in a different way.

What you are feeling is not guilt. It is apprehension. I expect it makes you feel a bit sick, doesn't it? And do you find yourself holding your breath, too?

After years of sterling service, you have made the practical decision to leave your mother safely in her home instead of subjecting her to a difficult journey and the disruption of being away for some months. This will suit her needs better, as things are now.

You have also covered every conceivable base to make sure that she will be well supported.

What you are struggling with now is anxiety that the siblings you don't quite trust will make a hash of the minor parts that you have left to them.

Well. While you were there the whole time, there wasn't much room for them to step up to, was there? You may well find that in your absence they do much better.

You may then find that the novelty wears off and they stop doing so well again...

Or you may find that you come back and they've redecorated the entire ground floor.

But the key thing is, that nothing terrible can happen, because you've made sure of it, and something very good might happen which is beyond your immediate control but would be lovely for your mother if it did.

With the approved caregivers, your mother has agreed to this in principle, has she?
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