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Hello all, I'm 16 and new to this site. I take care of my grandma everyday and was wondering how to set boundaries with her ? She disregards my needs, making me change her diapers, dress her, bathe her, etc.. and acts very mean towards me,calling me derogatory names, complaining, and yelling the whole time. She won't do anything for herself, as in she won't even roll for me to take her diaper off. I just had surgery (foot reconstructive surgery) for my physical disability, yet she still singles me out of the whole house to physically move her. This is hard,as she is near 300 lbs. I've always taken care of her but it's gotten worse in later years. I'm in pain from trying to take care of her still, the disrespect she shows puts me down, and she has no respect for any boundaries I set. Its gotten to the point she yells at me if I don't put her hemorrhoid cream inside of her anus for her. This is my breaking point. I feel guilty for asking, but any advice?

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Oh my...where is the rest of your family in all of this? Can you give us some more info about that so we can give you the best advice possible? Thank you...
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AlvaDeer Aug 2019
I agree. We need more info. Unless that was a typo this is a 16 year old taking care of an elder. Not OK.
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At the very young age of 16, no matter how mature you are, there is absolutely no way you should be caring for this toxic old woman, even if she is your grandmother. Who gave you this responsibility and why? Do your teachers and the parents of your friends know you are doing this? I am seriously wondering why no one has notified Child Protective Services.
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Pandagod24 Aug 2019
I've alerted the school to this situation and am now getting help. This thread made me realize I needed to reach out to people for help. I had been taking care of her after my parents died,as my mom had been her primary caregiver.
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Panda, there is no way you should, at 16 years old, be responsible for this degree of care for your grandmother. You are still legally a child and this situation is beyond ridiculous. Please know this is true. You’ll need to talk to a trusted adult, perhaps a guidance counselor at school, a medical professional, or social worker, or minister and tell what you’ve said here. You need real help to get out of this, you don’t deserve to be in this position at all, there is simply no scenario where you should be handling all this.
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Pandagod24 Aug 2019
Thank you so much for your concern. I decided to talk to a counselor and they're helping me now.
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What the heck are you doing at 16 years of age caring for your grandmother . Did I get your age correct? Who is caring for you at sweet 16, dear. When do you start school ? I do not understand? I am confused to your situation. Where is your mom and dad? How do you care for your grandmother and attend high school? Please talk to the school nurse, guidance counselor, or teacher as soon as possible. You should not be in this situation.
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Pandagod24 Aug 2019
Thank you for your answer. I ended up speaking to a guidance counselor and now am getting help. I was caring for my grandma because my parents died a few years back,so I was left with her and took over my mothers role of being her caregiver. I've realized that wasn't healthy and now the school is getting me help.
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I note your age and that “she singles you out of the whole house..”. I suggest you try being a teenager and being out of the house. Maybe at a friends if still recovering from foot surgery yourself.

You must NOT put yourself at risk of injury by attempting to move her by yourself.

You may assist if you still wish to but only in the company of an adult in legal terms (which is 18+) They should be the ones responsible for dealing with your grandma and incurring her ire if in pain or need of help.

If you can’t bring yourself to point out that leaving you to deal with this alone is wrong - show your family the answers you have received.
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Pandagod24.....did we read your age correctly?... you are 16 and doing this type of care for your grandmother?? You should be taking care of yourself, your schoolwork and being a 16 year old high school student.....not a slave to this very mean, toxic woman......this is seriously NOT ok! Especially the comment about the hemorrhoid cream.....that is bordering on abuse to you to be forced to do that..... Please speak to a school guidance counselor or teacher, someone who needs to know EXACTLY what you are being made to do.... and WHO is making you do all of this???? Please get some help, you should be healing from your foot surgery......and being a teenager!!! Please come back here and let us know how you are doing......
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Pandagod24 Aug 2019
Hello, I'm doing better now. I reached out to adults at my school and am no longer in this situation. Now I'm getting time to heal myself.
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Panda...im so glad that you reached out to your school and are now getting help. Please take good care of YOU, heal from your foot surgery and heal your body, mind and soul.....thinking of you daily. Liz
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