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I would be there always for them but they never seemed to be there for me when I needed it.
But in time I realized the friends that I had lost were just one sided friends. meaning they meant much more to me than I did to them.
I consider a friend a person who cares for you thru thick and thin. a friend who is there to support you thru the negative issues in life.
Stands by your side always.
I realized that is not what I had in certain friends. when my mom was alive she use to say a good friend, a true friend, is hard to find in life, most friends she called convenient friends.
four sisters, two older and two younger not one helped in any way shape or form taking care of my parents, not even a call.
in being the only caregiver for both my parents at the same time
I realized that not only were they my loving parents but they also were my best friends.
Edited to add: I think my ex used the caregiving as an excuse for dropping relationships. "Please don't expect me to talk to you! I'm taking care of my parents." I don't think this is typical for caregivers, but in his situation, I think it's true.
Stop and think about it. Who wants to hear about caregiving? As we become more and more involved with the care of a loved one, we have less time for other interests and even our friends. Most of our friends have no idea what it's like even if we tell them. And eventually they navigate towards more upbeat friendships. Sad but true. Can you blame them?
For me it isn't even in home care giving, as my bro is in another city in assisted living, and I am only managing bills and his trust for him. But I find that alone is daunting. When he was hit with a dx of early Lewy's Dementia (probable) and a benign longstanding brain tumor that presses on his medulla, messing up his balance I thought at first that my life was so completely changed that I would never again be happy or have thoughts free of this devastating thing. He has been through my life (we are 77 and 85--he is the OLD one) my best friend, so while he is still there, that relationship is changed. For other things I have not the time or interest as much. Even things I used to do alone. Lots of museums and arts. I have become I guess "she talks about nothing but THAT" kind of person.
So it changes things. I bet for each of us the changes are unique. People can drop away a bit because they really don't know what to say, as well. As when we are ourselves ill; it can change some relationships and really bond others.
Even after my parents had passed, too many years passed to try to rekindle those friendships.
But I did make a new friend, we did volunteer work together on the same day and time, and she was dealing with very elderly in-laws. So it was like a free talk therapy session every Saturday for us :)