Reminds me of when the kids were little and needing to get out for some adult time!
I am so tired of hearing about the location and severity and type of pains. What time she got up to pee. What hours she slept. Etc etc. And, of course, we have to add in some b.m. talk, which I reallllly hate. Please, spare me the gory details.
I feel like banging my head against the wall.
It's worse right now since hubby is away on business so it's just me and mom.
We need our ME time too. As someone else said, don't let her make you feel guilty. I know it's hard. My mom doesn't say anything to make me feel guilty. But I feel a little bit guilty anyhow. I know I would hate to be alone so much and have so little of interest to do.
Since she is fine for a few hours, please get out and do things on your own. Even go out on a date with hubby. I do get out alone with hubby which is great. Most of the time we invite her along, but not always.
How do we find "friends" for our elders??
If you are handy, see if you can find a knitting or sewing circle, pick up your handwork then potty talk begins, and zone into your needles. Lots of churches around here have groups that do caps or hats and scarves for babies.
Book club? Jewelry making?
With my dad, as he liked doing things but couldn’t remember how to mostly, I’d deliberately pop out a lens of my sunglasses and ask him to fix it back in for me. Just needed a bit of pressure. But if he couldn’t it didn’t matter - just kept him busy for a bit. I’d get peas to shell, and we would chat about the large garden he had before and the wine he’d made. Sure I knew it but sometimes a new memory would surface for him.
Distraction therapy of past hobbies and interests helped quite a bit initially. But even these have their limits. If they’ve truly lost interest.
Dad enjoyed my taking him to the pub for Sunday meal. The locals were great and helped him do crosswords etc whilst having a chat. It got he was more concerned about certain kind locals being there when he was than whether I would be around - and I was the one taking him lmao! But that provided a focal point for him. They were great - stenching blood re falls - he was on warfarin. Yelling if he’d fallen in the loo so I could go sort it out .... whilst enabling me to have conversations with others too when there. ( er at the pub - not whilst in the loo!)
Befrienders are volunteers who can sit in with your mum whilst you have a short break - going shopping or to the gym.
Respite care is also invaluable whether day or over night or a few days. It’s good idea to start it so that in the event you need a few days urgently for something they already know how to cater for her needs.
Baring that, try talking to her of your interests, goals, achievements and dreams - hard if they are disinterested but still a topic more of interest to you. Show her old family photos and see if she remembers everyone/events.
I had a freezer full of peeled potatos, carrots, shelled peas, apple sauce - some of which I used in meals but they could peel/ shell more than they could eat!
I’m so sorry as it’s frustrating but I hope you can find a solution that works for you both for a while. It’s an ever changing situation - just as you sort one issue out or make it bearable - it alters or another crops up!
It can help if you see how many many times you can get your mum to laugh or smile at something each day. I found I focussed on that rather the number of repeated comments....
Best of luck and and hope you manage to get to the gym regularly soon.
It was almost $1000 but it saved my sanity. I was eating out of boredom and, in fact, put back 50 lbs during my Caregiving of my DH. The tablets were kept charged as I was always running one down. I had to "live" in the living-room with DH once he was unable to use our bed/bedroom and was pretty much living in my sleep-chair. He was happy that I found a way to be with him 24/7 and told me he was glad I bought the iPad Pro. It made his last year a lot easier on my nerves.
During this time, I had to help my DH to void, holding the urinal and supporting him at the same time. I'd gladly do it all again to still have him with me.
Having said them, I share your pain! I truly empathize with you. Hugs!
Make a clothing line hang up sheets. Sun is a natural anti-bacterial.
If you're truly bored grab an old fashioned wash board... and fels-neptha bar laundry soap, to wash your white socks back to being white, The results are quite gratifying (Fels-neptha laundry soap is Dial brand bar soap technically or its sold under its original fels name in the laundry section of your local grocery, or Amazon,com.)
Conversations must center around things that are happening now, current events, etc., otherwise thoughts loop around stuff that is happening in the immediate area.
Purchase paint, and repaint your walls...
You mentioned the gym. GO, to that gym.
It's time to get old-fashioned with yourself. There's always stuff to do.
If you get up to do something she says anything similar to... "sit down, all you do is run around"....you'll be outside...
You must physically remove yourself from her area...Watching TV is a waste of life and depressing, it's time to quit that...You're turning into your mother, by not, as you wrote, "getting to the root of problems to FIX them. Soooo you're doing that by coming here and not being your mother who, "wants to complain and wish her troubles away." Ugh, go outside....
But, I guess I need to pull myself up by my bootstraps and get my butt in gear and do more. Maybe I'm a little apathetic these days, not depressed but having a hard time motivating.
I have some food projects to do. Like zucchini bread. Canning pickles. Etc. Frankly, I kind of avoid the kitchen and hide in my room because she can drive me nuts when I'm trying to get things done in the common area. I guess I should learn to be a little more gracious and not let her questions annoy me so much that I avoid them as much as possible.
I'm going to make a list of things that I think will improve this situation, starting with some of the great advice from the great peeps here!
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