How do I get my mother to answer the phone?

I have found out that with Alexa you can "drop in" on someone. So in theory you could talk to mom even if she does not answer the phone.

Now...
How often do YOU call her?
Maybe back off the calls and let her call you.
If she feels like you are being a "helicopter" daughter she just might not want all the hovering and wants to be left to her own devices for a bit.

She answers calls when you are there because you are there and she knows it isn't you. The calls that she answers are from people that are not hounding her about...whatever you call her about. It could be "are you ok", "did you take your pills", and all the rest of the did you's, you should's, don't do's.

When you call do you ask her about her day, just as conversation? Not to check up on her?

XenaJada: Contact her through Facebook since she's more likely to view it as this is something she "cares" about.
OR if this continues, tell her that you'll have no other option than to have EMS do a welfare check. Actually this was what I told my mother when she wasn't answering her telephone. Her response - "I was situated before I said hello." I told my mother that I will have to assume she is on the floor or otherwise incapacitated.

Lol, she is playing you, be aware that when you get her to understand that she has to answer the phone. She will find another route to manipulate you. That's what they do. No matter how much we love them and do for them, they are lonely and board.
My mom loves to tell me she absolutely needs her script at the drug store and I can't pick them up without out her. I know better, first I know I can , second I know there's no script.

I care for my narcissist elderly aunt. I’ve learned that she purposely does not answer the phone as a way of getting me or my sister to physically come over her house to check on her. She has “cried wolf” too many times. Once my sister left a message on her answering machine that if she did not return her call in 15 minutes, she was going to have the police do a wellness check. Well, my aunt called her back in exactly 14 minutes. She was sitting by the phone the whole time listening to us leave her messages. Ha! We called her bluff that time. She wants attention and wants us to come rushing over there all the time. But yet she’ll answer telemarketers and hold a conversation with them!

I put echo shows in rooms she use the most and activated drop-in on all of them. It will automatically connect and I can see what happening and talk to her if I want. Gave me peace of mind when she was living in MD and I lived in FL.

I had the police do a welfare check on her after repeated attempts to contact her to no avail. She was slightly embarrassed and apologized for worrying me. However it was the beginning of the end for us as she decided to end our relationship. She was being influenced by my older sister that I was this evil person. I had been care giving for her for years. It was sad but I no longer have all the stress, worries and financial responsibilities any longer.

My mother doesn’t answer numbers she doesn’t know (finally, it took some training since she would start to sign up for things of dubious safety) and often can not hear or find her phone, if it is even charged. I’ve gotten lectures from her numerous times because I didn’t call or text because she didn’t answer the phone and she didn’t check her voice mail or texts. She also won’t answer her sister’s calls since my aunt just talks and talks about herself. Fortunately I do have people coming in everyday to check on her since I live two hours away. It took several months for a PT appointment to be set up because she never answered their calls. It was only when one of her caregivers checked her mail and found an exasperated letter from them that I knew I had to call them and she finally started PT. Now I have any important calls come to me. As for her sister, either my aunt or my cousin call me to see if she is alright. Her sister is hurt by her refusal to answer but my cousin understands so between the two of us we deal with that problem. I am just grateful for the two caregivers who keep me updated and I can get hold of them easily! With their help I’d rather my mother ignore the phone than fall for every spiel she hears from telemarketers and charities.
Is there anyone she knows and lives close enough that they could check on her? Otherwise maybe have a land line with a good old answering machine that announces who is calling and lets you hear any message they may leave could help. I am not familiar enough with Alexa to say anything but I guess it could help too as someone mentioned. The camera idea is a good one as well. There are some that you don’t have to be in Bluetooth range to monitor and you can check on line and some also have a two way speaker function. Does she have an emergency alert device she can wear and that can detect if she falls? My mother won’t keep hers with her unfortunately though we keep trying to get her to! Again, I’m glad she has people checking on her daily.
Good luck with it all! It can be a challenge!

I got two cameras, one in bedroom and one in living room……if there is a lot of movement I get notified. Mom knows it is there, but I think she forgets. She at times cannot figure the phone. At least with cameras I can check anytime…….not that she ever gets out of the chair 😡

Maybe try a message through Facebook's messenger telling her you really need to speak to her and ask her to call you. If that doesn't work, try posting on Facebook telling her you have been trying to reach her and it is important that she call you. Just be sure you have something important to talk to her about... even just saying you were worried when she did not answer your texts or calls. Keep in mind if her friends see your post on Facebook it could become awkward if it annoys her... or could be positive in that she will respond to your texts better to keep you from resorting to Facebook.

I think you can get her an Alexa and somehow set it up that you can talk through it.

but maybe she doesn’t want to talk to people.

She might not like this but it is an excellent way to check on things and then let her be. Get a camera. It provides a lot of peace of mind when you see her busy on her phone or watching tv or napping or visiting with a neighbor etc. I used to watch DH aunt hearding her little dog out the door with her cane (he was blind) for his last potty before bed, then going around and turning off lights then hearding the little dog into the bedroom. Of course saw some things that weren’t so pleasant. She only answered the phone when she wanted to.
Good to see you XenaJada.

Here’s an article on auto answering on an iPhone. Androids probably have the same capability.

https://www.pcmag.com/how-to/how-to-use-iphone-auto-answer

THis is a tricky one. My dad often wont answer his phone if not convenient for him. I can be trying him all day and he won't pick up. But he's in assisted living so he's safe, and I dont worry about it.

For an elder living alone, thats more worrisome. There are some phones that can be set up to essentially auto-answer when called. YOu could look into that.

Or, next level, set up an intercom system in her house, whether just audio, or if you want, video too. Then with an intercom, she will hear you automatically, and you can set it real loud.

During your visit you could leave a big note on the charger saying "Leave phone ON while charging". Make sure it is charging next to her bed at night so that she has access to it in an emergency -- if she remembers to use it. That's how I have my Mom's set up.

If she ignores notes, then there's a bigger problem and you'll need to make a decision if you're her PoA. There's not way to force someone to answer a phone that is off or they can't hear or have misplaced.

I'm concerned about her being on FaceBook as this is a major portal for senior scamming. If you are able to check her account to see who she's been interacting with, or if you are joint on her checking account I would put some protective measures in place, like get LifeLock, and also having her keep a bare minimum of money in the checking, just enough to pay bills and then every else goes into her savings so she can't give it away to thieves.

Early on in my Aunt's dementia she started signing up for every and any magazine subscription and sending donations to any organization that landed in her mailbox.

If your Mom is on medication, please check to make sure she is taking it accurately and consistently.

I can't tell if this is something she DOESN'T want to do or CAN'T do.
You seem to indicate she hears the phone very well.
I think you may be overwhelming her.
Time to start a phone tree. One of you calls one day, and the other another day, then report and text to ONE ANOTHER instead of her. See if that helps.
I am certain you already discussed this with her, but do so again, and ask her if that might not work.

I myself am 81. I would go nuts with that much texting and calling from my family. That's just me.

My mom was the same way.

Finally, in fit of frustration, I was going to bring it up with her. While I was 'visiting' her, she got 3 or 4 calls from FRIENDS. She grabbed the phone for THEM.

It was then I realized she was putting up her own boundaries with me!

Well, good for her. I quit fussing about it and if I was really concerned about her, I'd just go to her apt and talk to her. We rarely had phone conversations. And she NEVER once texted me back, but would do so with friends.

Hey, at least your mom can access FB. That's a way to keep up with the world.