I found myself taking care of Daddy literally overnight almost two years ago when Mom died suddenly and unexpectedly at home. Daddy is 87 and has congestive heart failure and is mostly confined to a wheelchair as of late, due to severe mobility issues stemming from a knee that is bone-on-bone. He was mobile when Mom died, but he has declined steadily to the point that last month he went to an assisted living facility.
He is miserable and tries very hard to make me miserable along with him by complaining about the lack of care and about how bad the food is, etc. None of these things seems to be true. He knows he can't go home, because his house is not at all equipped for the wheelchair that he has to have now. He seems resigned to stay, but it stresses me to receive half a dozen phone calls every day. He calls with random questions and complaints and has even called me when he should have called the nurse at the AL to help him!
I have help and support from my husband and my grown children, but my only brother is clueless and totally uninterested in providing any help. He's been mostly distant from our parents for his whole adult life, only having visited them a handful of times in the last thirty years.
Daddy has investments and a great lady who manages the funds. I would like to have her handle paying the AL by drafting a check each month. I think it would allow me some breathing room, but my husband worries about accountability and doesn't think it's a good idea. Daddy is in favor of it, by the way. I also think it would allow me to make changes to the level of care he requires without him having to always know what it is costing.
A big issue I have right now is how he hasn't balanced his checkbooks in so long. I check his mail and take things to him to write the checks in his presence. He doesn't want this back and says I'm doing fine. I'm just so unsure of it! I am not an accountant, but I do stay on top of our personal banking by doing a paper reconcile of each account each month. I keep asking him how he knows how much money he has! He has auto-deposits made from SS and from his retirement and has income from his farm and from rental property. It seems like the bill-paying is a constant drain on my time and energy. Fortunately, his bank is nearby, so I am able to stop and make deposits on my way to town or to work without going out of my way, but it is making me so nervous!
I know this has been long and laborious to read, but I would so appreciate any help anyone out there has for me.