How do I establish boundaries with my 91 year old neighbor & friend? I’m 80, I have health issues, and Covid is a problem also. Her children are living in denial about her mental & physical health. The paramedics are at her home more & more frequently. She isn’t eating properly, even with Meals on Wheels. She falls, can’t get up, takes off her emergency notification necklace, on & on. Help!!!!!

I think its time to call APS, Adult Protection Services. I would ask if it would be possible to evaluate the situation. Tell them you aren't looking to report neglect just think children need their eyes open to the fact your friend is declining. To be honest, surprised the EMTs have not reported the situation to APS. If they show up again, see if they can put in a call.

If you have any responsibility to this friend, it would be to get someone else involved to make sure she is safe. Caring for her is not your responsibility especially when children are available.
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Reply to JoAnn29

While she is your friend, you are not responsible for her. You need to be a little bit selfish and make sure you are taking care of yourself FIRST.

It sounds like you might be spending more time with her and then you are really able or willing to do. If so, I guess you can just back out a bit. If she calls with her problems, tell her you're sorry but you are not feeling well and she needs to call a) her family or b) her doctor or c) 911.

If she doesn't want to let you off the phone or wants you to come over, stick to the above and tell her you aren't feeling well and can NOT do it and that she needs to call someone else.

It is hard but you have to do what's best for you first.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to againx100

Give her the 9ll number. Inform her, and children if possible that you are not "the number to call". At some point this is reportable to APS as a Senior in danger.
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Reply to AlvaDeer

I get that she's a friend and you are worried about her but that doesn't really tell us what kind of boundaries are being breached, can you tell us what you have been doing for her that you would rather not be doing?
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Reply to cwillie

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