My siblings and I have been caring for our mother(age 82) in her home for the past 6 years or so. She is living with Huntington's Chorea disease. Some of her ways and behaviors these days are unbelievable! I am starting to lean towards finding a facility for her to reside and am feeling guilty about it. Mom's abusive behaviors and down right meaness towards me is getting next to me. Mom is cooperative with all others who come to help her but is very argumentative, combative and defiant with me. Maybe I am not the better care taker for her. Perhaps she'd prefer others to care for her as opposed to her daughter. She has expressed that she wants to go to a nursing home. Who knows...

Find Care & Housing
Perhaps respite care would be good for both of you while you consider all the options.
Does mom have funds for private care? Would she need Medicaid? Does she need 24/7 care at this time?
Relationships of any form require mutual respect. Your life matters too.
I am sorry you are dealing with this. It won’t get better on its own. Make plans to get a break whether it’s for a few hours or days. You will both benefit from it and gain perspective.
Come here and vent as needed. Hugs
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to 97yroldmom

My primary emotion after placing my father in MC was RELIEF! No more worrying about what crazy thing he was going to do that might injure himself or my mother. No more worrying about him having another heart attack when I wasn't home (across the street) to help my parents deal with it. No more worrying about my mother's declining health from the physical and emotional stresses of taking care of my father; Daddy was an old man (84) but guess what, Momma was an old woman too (83). No more dealing with Daddy's panic attacks because he wouldn't take his medications as prescribed. No more fear he would have major stroke or heart attack because he had decided not to take any medicine today and his blood pressure was 240/160!

Guilt is about doing something wrong or thinking we "should" be able to provide all the care our elderly parents need. Neither apply when our folks need nursing or round the clock care. I regret that I could not find some way to care for my parents that allowed them to remain in their home of 60+ years, but I have no guilt over it because I did nothing wrong. Their financial resources could not sustain 24/7 in home care. I helped them as much as I could to stay in that house as long as being there did not risk their safety, then I helped move them out; MC for Dad and into my home for Mom. After the dust settled, it felt as though the weight of the world had been left behind.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to TNtechie

It was hard when my mom went to a nursing home, but also comforting knowing she was receiving the care she needed, care our family had no way to provide. You aren’t equipped to handle violent angry outbursts as trained professional caregivers are, you’re risking your own wellbeing trying to cope. I’d recommend looking into what options there are for your mom, especially as she’s mentioned wanting to go
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Daughterof1930

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter