Our dad is now unable to get out of bed on his own anymore and our mom has been his caregiver for many years. My dad has fallen several times being transferred and my mom has fallen too, last year she broke her shoulder and wrist from falls. Dad just got out of rehab facility, been there many times already. Mom and dad are in their early 80's and dad has been on dialysis for about 15 years and his heart is only about 20% now. My mom is unable to get my dad sat up in his hospital bed on her own to use a sit to stand lift we recently purchased to transfer him to his wheelchair, Between my brother, who lives across the street from them, and my sister and I who live an hour away have to help get him out of bed every day. My parents cannot afford, and mom doesn't want to go to an AL home. My dad's care would be very expensive there. They presently rent a house together and my dad requires paid disabled transportation to dialysis three times a week. They only have social security and my dad's teamster's pension to live on, no savings, only debt. My brother, sister and I all work full time and have families of our own to take care of. We're thinking about getting a pivoting bed so mom could use this independently to get my dad sat up but we have our doubts it would work because my dad always slips down in his bed during the night and mom can't move him back up by herself. Any suggestions?

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Does mom get ssi too? Being married he may actually be eligible. What about a facility that could take them both in so they can stay together? I don't know if that is an option and it may qualify both for Medicaid. Was dad a war veteran? If so, check into aid and attendance, they will help you with in home care, also mom would be eligible for benefits too. It's very frustrating when you are trying to do right by them and are turned down. Another option is to speak to an elder care advisor at your local hospital where he/she has been admitted in the past. They have a great amount of information that would take you months to accumulate. Senior services center may be able to help or point you in the right direction. Area united way may also have programs and services to assist your parents.
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dpb1mtb Jul 2019
Thank you for your suggestion. My mom does get some SSI too. Pretty sure their total income with pension and SSI is way too much to qualify for medicaid here in California. We have thought about AL for both but mom is against it and we would be approx 2K short a month to pay for it. So we help out as much as we can. We should talk to an advisor like you said.
This is not going to work, and I think you are knowing that. Your Dad is in need of 24 hour nursing care. There will be facilities that will accept him in need but I am afraid this is almost going to have to be done now through a licensed social worker. You may have to hospitalize Dad to get that going, because I can't honestly see another way. It takes an in facility social worker about 1 day to accomplish what a family cannot do in months. Dad will be on medicaid, but it is what is needed now. There are no savings so it should be easy now to qualify. This is an awful and a heartbreaking option. Has anyone discussed with Dad how long he will wish to pursue dialysis and how he feels about palliative, hospice, end of life care? Without it, hospice and palliative care would be done and the end would be quick. This, however, will be quite lingering and will require ever more care, and definitely will require 24 / 7 nursing care. Every single day your Mom tries to do this on her own risks her own health, and risks her ending up as bedridden as your Dad is. The sad truth is that it is risking the life of kids living nearby and trying to do the lifts that Mom cannot. A bad back which is where all we old nurses end up, is a lifetime of pain and even disability. I am so sorry. What a sad choice and situation. If it does come to hospitalization, do not buy the platitudes of "We will get you in home help; we will make this work". They won't and it won't work. This is something they do to prevent the costly care of going into care, and they will do all they can to push this off their plates. I am so sorry, and just cannot think of any good news to give you here.
Helpful Answer (9)
Geaton777 Jul 2019
Perfectly stated; ditto on every point.
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