My parents are currently in an assisted living facility but we need to find a new place for them. My dad is 93 and now needs skilled nursing and was put on Hospice but doing relatively well considering. My mom is 88 and does pretty good physically but dementia is starting to get bad. They have been married 70 years and if we separate them they would both die of a broken heart. We would like to keep them in the Westminster, CO area convenient for everyone to go see them.

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A woman in my caregiver support group lived with her husband in an independent living facility. When his dementia got worse he moved next door (I don't remember if it was memory care or assisted living.) This being the frozen tundra there was a skyway connection between building, so they could visit each other without bundling up and going outside. Sometimes they had meals together. Family would visit them in her apartment. It seemed to work very well for them.

If your Dad is on hospice, I don't understand why he has to move. My husband was on hospice in our home. My best friend's husband died on hospice in his home, surrounded by family. You really do not need skilled nursing level of care when you are in the final stage of your life.

Does Hospice recommend moving Dad?
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I had a similar similar situation with my folks. Dad with dementia, mom with mobility issues with many bad falls. I finally got them out of the house and into an assisted living place. This place was very accommodating to both. I paid more for mom due to all the assistance she required. They shared a room and it worked for awhile.

Mom died about 3 weeks ago and I moved Dad into memory care in the same facility. In hindsight, I wish I had separated them sooner. They would still have spent time together each day but with all the medical and dementia issues I think it stressed them out to be together 24/7. Dad looks much better now. He’s rested up.

Many places will customize a care plan for each parent. It may seem counterintuitive but some separation can be good for old folks.

Others will chime in I’m sure. This is just my experience. Each situation is different.
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jeannegibbs May 2018
Windy it is so good of you to continue to share your valuable experiences here. How are you doing these days?
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