My experience with my mom is that her dementia gets substantially worse with major physical or emotional crises. She goes downhill in big steps, not gradually, when something big happens that a healthy person could handle.
When my dad died in 2018, my mom's cognizance took a deep dive from which she never recovered. She wasn't in great shape cognitively anyway, but after his death sunk in, she went downhill. Within four months she completely forgot him and invented an imaginary second husband.
She went in the hospital fora blood infection this past December, caught Covid while there, and is only now starting to resurface health-wise. However, now she's not speaking any longer, and I don't think she knows me now. That probably won't get better if we go by her history.
Don't expect your mother to get motivated. A big piece of her life has disappeared.
You don’t have to push yourself past your limits. Do whatever you are comfortable with in order to help your mom.
The actual truth is, other than offering her compassionate support during this difficult time, there isn’t anything else that you can do to change her circumstances.
Six weeks is hardly long enough for someone to grieve the loss of a spouse. Refocus from motivation to emotional support, soothing and calming. I suspect she's "awkward and horrid" b/c she's trying to mourn the loss of a soulmate, not get motivated to respond to whatever you would like her to do.
Walk in her shoes for days and get a better sense of what she's going through. Find ways to support and console her. Spend mother and daughter time, talking, listening to soothing music, going for rides in scenic areas if weather permits.
What were or are her interests? Does she garden? Like flowers? I used to bring a bouquet for my mother whenever I visited during difficult times.
Change your goal from "motivating" her to consoling her.
She could be depressed from her husband's death. Lots of people go on anti-depressants, short term, while dealing with the death of a loved one. Or accept it as kind of normal to be depressed (not motivated) while grieving.
How bad is her mental capacity? If she's still somewhat with it, try to get her interested in something that could help her. Like a walk or a drive. Get her out of the house. Even a doctor's appt, to make her get up and dressed and out in public.
Your profile says your mom is 78 years old, has dementia/ALZ among other issues, and:
"I'm my mother's carer. I've given up work and she won't give me a penny."
Your mom's shock, grief and the big change in her life had rocked her mentally and cognitively. Not sure what you mean by "motivated"... do you mean "back to her normal self"? I think you need to let some more time pass for her to adjust, but all bets are off if she also has cognitive impairment. Have you spoken to her doctor about the possibility of meds to help her?
Then there's the issue of you giving up your life to care for her...for free. This is unsustainable and unwise. I realize she is your mom but please read some of the many other posts from people who did what you are now doing only to be left penniless, in ill health and with deep regrets. And it didn't change the trajectory of their loved ones' earthly exit. If you have legal authority as your mother's representative, you must begin to pay yourself or else consider transitioning her into a care facility. I'm guessing you're not in the States, so can't give you much other advice than that. I wish you much wisdom and peace in your heart. I'm very sorry for the loss of your father.
When my dad died in 2018, my mom's cognizance took a deep dive from which she never recovered. She wasn't in great shape cognitively anyway, but after his death sunk in, she went downhill. Within four months she completely forgot him and invented an imaginary second husband.
She went in the hospital fora blood infection this past December, caught Covid while there, and is only now starting to resurface health-wise. However, now she's not speaking any longer, and I don't think she knows me now. That probably won't get better if we go by her history.
Don't expect your mother to get motivated. A big piece of her life has disappeared.
Transitional times are always the most difficult.
She needs time to adjust.
You don’t have to push yourself past your limits. Do whatever you are comfortable with in order to help your mom.
The actual truth is, other than offering her compassionate support during this difficult time, there isn’t anything else that you can do to change her circumstances.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Walk in her shoes for days and get a better sense of what she's going through. Find ways to support and console her. Spend mother and daughter time, talking, listening to soothing music, going for rides in scenic areas if weather permits.
What were or are her interests? Does she garden? Like flowers? I used to bring a bouquet for my mother whenever I visited during difficult times.
Change your goal from "motivating" her to consoling her.
How bad is her mental capacity? If she's still somewhat with it, try to get her interested in something that could help her. Like a walk or a drive. Get her out of the house. Even a doctor's appt, to make her get up and dressed and out in public.
"I'm my mother's carer. I've given up work and she won't give me a penny."
Your mom's shock, grief and the big change in her life had rocked her mentally and cognitively. Not sure what you mean by "motivated"... do you mean "back to her normal self"? I think you need to let some more time pass for her to adjust, but all bets are off if she also has cognitive impairment. Have you spoken to her doctor about the possibility of meds to help her?
Then there's the issue of you giving up your life to care for her...for free. This is unsustainable and unwise. I realize she is your mom but please read some of the many other posts from people who did what you are now doing only to be left penniless, in ill health and with deep regrets. And it didn't change the trajectory of their loved ones' earthly exit. If you have legal authority as your mother's representative, you must begin to pay yourself or else consider transitioning her into a care facility. I'm guessing you're not in the States, so can't give you much other advice than that. I wish you much wisdom and peace in your heart. I'm very sorry for the loss of your father.