I have a cousin who DMs me via Facebook every day now that my mother has been hospitalized for pneumonia & various other health concerns. No phone calls, just messaging. Mom is approaching end of life, and I'm doing everything in my power, as the only child (at 62) to make her as comfortable as possible & get her proper medical attention. She'll be going off to rehab within the next few days, and we're not sure she'll ever be able to walk again & return to the ALF she loves. It's not easy.
Yesterday, I was feeling frustrated because mom suffers constant vertigo & none of the doctors can give her relief. While expressing this frustration with the doctors to my cousin via DM, she DM'd me to 'have patience, you'll feel such a void after she's gone'. I truly felt like smashing my phone right then & there. WHY do people feel the need to make such remarks, as if we're not stressed out ENOUGH going through the end of life process & trying to make 1,000,000 decisions & keep all the guilt at bay? As if we're doing something to 'speed up' their demise?
I will no longer be DMing my cousin; if she'd like to talk to me, she can pick up the phone & call. Her sister, by the way, does call my mom and tells her all the time how she'd love to come pick her up from 'The Home' and have her come live in N.Y. with her. Meanwhile, she's never even come here for a visit, never mind anything else! If she did, she'd see that it takes 3 shifts of caregivers to care for a woman with dementia, incontinence, severe neuropathy, depression, stroke, A-fib, heart failure and about 10 other medical conditions. But hey, it SOUNDS good to make those off-the-cuff-remarks that aren't real, doesn't it?
To all the friends and family members who have Free Advice for us caregivers who are stressed out to the max, please keep it!