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Dad is 91 and lives at home, my older sister is his appointed guardian. She recently refused to allow me access to his day to day care with the home care providers. We hired Synergy Home Care and there is a family portal where you can login and see how the day went with your parent. It is actually called your FAMILY PORTAL. Since my sister and I do not talk I would not know what is happening if my dad goes to the hospital etc.
Synergy said sorry your sister and dad said no. I called my dad he has no idea what I was talking about he gets confused. My sister is abusing her power what can I do?

"My dad signed over his medical to me last year and she overrode it claimed he was incompetent."

If sister is legal guardian, assigned by the court, guardianship does override everything else as POA.

"She recently refused to allow me access to his day to day care with the home care providers"

She has this right as a legal guardian. If you need info, you need to go thru her not talking to the employees. His care is on her shoulders. I hope she has not cut you off from visiting. I guess when u do ask no questions.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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My sister would never allow this she has all the power now. She is not willing to work it out with me. My dad signed over his medical to me last year and she overrode it claimed he was incompetent. Now he is and does not remember doing it and he took it to his attorney alone to notarize it. I could fight it but my sister is good to him and it would be very stressful for my dad.
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ExhaustedPiper Nov 26, 2020
I’m sorry you are going through this, what do you think your sister is thinking? Have the two of you been estranged long?

I agree with Alva that approaching your sister to *help* in whatever way she needs is the way to go.

In my case I’m the sister with POA, I can’t imagine restricting my 2 siblings, in fact I wish they would spend more time with my mom. They don’t want to be involved.

You do want to be involved. I wish you the best of luck resolving things with your sister. You both love your dad, maybe try to talk to her?
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Families are great, until they aren't.

I have 'my charts' or 'portals' with every drs office I got to. So does DH. He is not allowed to look at mine, (just my personal choice, nor is he my 'go to' guy--as he has proven to be unable to make decisions and my OD is. SO she has access to my charts and DH doesn't. However, I have full access to all of his.

We're hearing your side--not to say you aren't being totally transparent and not nit-picking over dad's care, but have you thought there is a reason they don't want you to know what's going on? Maybe they feel it would be too upsetting? Or you've been too involved in the past and they are trying to minimize the # of people involved.

I'm only saying this b/c I can't access any of my mother's health records. I can only rely on YB's choice to share or not.

At first I was hurt and angry, now I find that this has been a blessing. I don't KNOW what's going on with her. Hence, I don't worry.

You can still visit dad, right? That may well have to be enough for you. POA doesn't mean you are standing at the gate, keeping all and sundry away. It's actually a real pain in some situations. My DH is his mom's and he wants OUT.

Be grateful for the times you have had with dad and try not to let this get to you. I know, sound easier said than done.
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My hope is that before now you got to spend so much time and got to be so much help to your father/all. At times, it does not matter what you do, how much effort you make to get along, or how much you offer to help, the gatekeeper will/may make trouble for you. And anytime you are not in the same home, many will believe you are the trouble maker whether true or not.

We live in a sad and troubled world. Do what you can and try to make peace with what you can't.
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Saddened1 Nov 25, 2020
That is very true thank you
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Your Sister is the guardian. That makes her the Lioness at the Gate. I would make every effort to get along with her. Basically now she is making decisions for the father. If your presence is upsetting to sister and Dad then I am certain you will not be allowed to visit.
My advice would be to offer apologies, and offer help. It will get you ever so much farther than an adversarial attitude.
I hope I don't sound unsympathetic, but the truth is that as a nurse I saw far too much of siblings at war over the living bodies of their elders; I simply have zero appetite for it.
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Saddened1 Nov 25, 2020
May be too late I do understand what your saying. For now I will stay away and maybe things will calm down. My understanding is she cannot stop me from visiting my parents. I guess we shall see its heartbreaking.
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Was your sister appointed guardian by the court? Unless the court has ordered her to share your dads medical information with you/the family, she isn’t required to do so. Since your dad has a guardian he can’t consent to anything either. Perhaps you can bring a family mediator to help fix the relationship with your sister
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AlvaDeer Nov 24, 2020
Great idea.
Geaton long ago posted these and I hang on to them.
Mediate.com
APFMnet.org (Academy of Professional Family Mediators)
ACRnet.or (Assn. for Conflict Resolution)
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