Dad is 91 and lives at home, my older sister is his appointed guardian. She recently refused to allow me access to his day to day care with the home care providers. We hired Synergy Home Care and there is a family portal where you can login and see how the day went with your parent. It is actually called your FAMILY PORTAL. Since my sister and I do not talk I would not know what is happening if my dad goes to the hospital etc.
Synergy said sorry your sister and dad said no. I called my dad he has no idea what I was talking about he gets confused. My sister is abusing her power what can I do?
My advice would be to offer apologies, and offer help. It will get you ever so much farther than an adversarial attitude.
I hope I don't sound unsympathetic, but the truth is that as a nurse I saw far too much of siblings at war over the living bodies of their elders; I simply have zero appetite for it.
I have 'my charts' or 'portals' with every drs office I got to. So does DH. He is not allowed to look at mine, (just my personal choice, nor is he my 'go to' guy--as he has proven to be unable to make decisions and my OD is. SO she has access to my charts and DH doesn't. However, I have full access to all of his.
We're hearing your side--not to say you aren't being totally transparent and not nit-picking over dad's care, but have you thought there is a reason they don't want you to know what's going on? Maybe they feel it would be too upsetting? Or you've been too involved in the past and they are trying to minimize the # of people involved.
I'm only saying this b/c I can't access any of my mother's health records. I can only rely on YB's choice to share or not.
At first I was hurt and angry, now I find that this has been a blessing. I don't KNOW what's going on with her. Hence, I don't worry.
You can still visit dad, right? That may well have to be enough for you. POA doesn't mean you are standing at the gate, keeping all and sundry away. It's actually a real pain in some situations. My DH is his mom's and he wants OUT.
Be grateful for the times you have had with dad and try not to let this get to you. I know, sound easier said than done.
Geaton long ago posted these and I hang on to them.
Mediate.com
APFMnet.org (Academy of Professional Family Mediators)
ACRnet.or (Assn. for Conflict Resolution)
We live in a sad and troubled world. Do what you can and try to make peace with what you can't.
I agree with Alva that approaching your sister to *help* in whatever way she needs is the way to go.
In my case I’m the sister with POA, I can’t imagine restricting my 2 siblings, in fact I wish they would spend more time with my mom. They don’t want to be involved.
You do want to be involved. I wish you the best of luck resolving things with your sister. You both love your dad, maybe try to talk to her?
If sister is legal guardian, assigned by the court, guardianship does override everything else as POA.
"She recently refused to allow me access to his day to day care with the home care providers"
She has this right as a legal guardian. If you need info, you need to go thru her not talking to the employees. His care is on her shoulders. I hope she has not cut you off from visiting. I guess when u do ask no questions.