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Since I last posted, my mom got transferred to an assisted living near where I live. It came about because she got stranded at the hospital emergency room that the other assisted living sent her to. The HCPOA (my brother who arranged the ER visit) failed to notify anyone he was out of town. Nurse was not happy and I got called at 2AM to come get her. Therefore the transfer to my neck of the woods. As it turns out HCPOA (brother) has a secret "sell his house and move out of state" plan. I'm getting the sense he is going to split with the money and leave the work on me. So I told my mother she needs a lawyer because she has not named a financial power of attorney. I want a caregiver agreement too because even though she lives near in assisted living, there is something to do every day to address her needs. I not only spend my time, I spend my money and I don't always get paid back for items like diabetic test strips, food/snacks, incontinence pads. I demanded it - call a lawyer and get her legal and financial matters dealt with otherwise I can't continue to help her. Well, I haven't heard from her in a month so I guess she didn't get a lawyer. I guess in her mind she doesn't need one - she has my brother who makes all the decisions and controls all the money. Things have gotten really ugly with brother and his wife so as of now I'm doing nothing. She should be doing Medicaid planning - and pay me a nominal fee for assisting her.

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If he’s joint owner of her bank accounts then you have a real problem on your hands if and may not have legal course because as a legal owner of the accounts he has rights. If he’s a joint owner then the accounts and the money in them technically belong to him. You may not have any recourse and law enforcement won’t get involved.
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Twillie Oct 20, 2020
I know. This is why I haven’t tried to get FPOA. It makes no difference. I realize the only way to fix it is probably guardianship.
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Do you know how much money there is in her accounts? is brother reliably paying the assisted living every month? If you suspect brother is going to take off with the money and not pay the AL facility, I would consult with the authorities- APS, police, maybe an elder attorney yourself to find out what can be done. I'm not sure of the laws, but as Isthisrealyreal said, he possibly could clean the accounts out being that he is an owner and he does not have POA. But I'm not sure, and I don't know if APS and the police can go after him or not. Maybe someone else here knows the law and what could be done.
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Twillie Oct 24, 2020
I have an idea about the value. Plus she recently sold her home and I was helping her with that in an effort to ensure the proceeds could be deposited to a new account in her name only. My brother interfered and I suppose in an effort to intimidate me - planted a stinking dead rat in her house so that when I went to pack her belongings I found it. I bowed out due to his continuing to abuse me plus the fact I would have had to absorb the costs for movers, etc. and he ended up signing for the sale and having the money wired to most likely their joint account. He and his wife make things so ugly that I don’t even want to see my mother. She defends him, she prefers him, she has given him everything. It’s like she doesn’t even have two other children. I’m barely surviving on SS widow benefits. I would just like to be reimbursed for supplies I buy for her and treated with respect. They don’t even treat me like a family member so I can’t help but feel they are just using me.
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The scary thing about him being on the accounts, he can clean out the money and not a thing can be done because he is a owner of the account as much as she is.

You should decide what you are willing to do for her if he does take all her money and splits town.

He could leave her in a position that she can't self pay and she doesn't qualify for Medicaid because of the penalty period.

If you walked away, the facility would have to go to the state to take over her care, meaning a court appointed guardian and they can get things done that you will struggle with.

I hope that he doesn't leave her high and dry. I hope that you set and enforce boundaries with this situation.
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I'd get someone to look into it. An accounting will show what he has spent the money on. If she's not competent, she's not able to consent to him taking her money. Is brother paying the AL facility with her money?
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So, my brother is jointly named on all mom’s accounts so he thinks he doesn’t need FPOA. I’m trying to force my mom to get legal help now. I’ve even given her the names of lawyers in the area. I figure if she is unwilling to do so then she prefers things as status quo. IF she is unable to do so then that is a matter for intervention for guardianship. She is locked down in assisted living so I’m hopeful their administration deals with referrals for vulnerable residents when necessary.
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How is your brother getting access to your mother's bank accounts if she doesn't have a POA in place? If he's spending her money and his name is not on her bank accounts then call the police because that's theft. Take your mom to a lawyer and get the POA done. In fact, if you can have the lawyer draw up conservatorship documents which makes life so much easier when the time comes that the person needs to have someone making their decisions. Speak plainly to your mother about what you think is going on and why you think your brother's plan is to spend her money then buy a new house and skip town. Make her know that you don't get reimbursed for the things that you buy her because your brother refuses to pay you. Then comes the hard talk. That you will not help her at all unless she goes to a lawyer and does a POA along with some kind of legal agreement that ensures that you don't get screwed into becoming her caregiver while your brother gets the money.
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If you think that he is taking her money, you should file a complaint with APS for financial exploitation of a vulnerable senior.

If your mom will not pay you back for buying her items then you should require that she gives you money before and you can charge her mileage. The IRS.gov can tell you what you can legally charge for mileage, it's something like .57 per mile or something like that.

Keep mileage records in a day book, you can charge her what's called portal to portal, meaning your start point, like home, to her, to the errands and home again.

If she won't pay for her items then she needs to find another way to get them.

Keep your boundaries and don't let her or your brother bully you into stepping up if she refuses to meet your requirements for doing so.
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If brother leaves town with his money it’s one thing, but are you saying it’s her money? I’d seek a legal opinion. There is usually a money trail and a way to see if a senior’s money has been misused. If she’s vulnerable and in need of protection, there are ways to protect her through the court.
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I would get a lawyer involved in this, because with all that is going on it sounds very complicated. I wish you the very best.
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