How can I help my 79-year-old mother with late onset alcohol dependence?

My mother attended a 3 week program that our hospital helped to set up 3 years ago this week. She had developed normal pressure hydrocephalus however and was unable to follow through. So, unfortunately, her alcoholism is advancing as well as her normal pressure hydrocephalus, as it's a disease, just like diabetes.
The most important thing I learned this past week is self care. Then you can care for her, by keeping alcohol out of her life, and getting her into the adult day care, or assisted living as mentioned by Sandy B. Much of alcoholism in the aged is depression, isolation, and real pain from arthritis, or emotional losses. What does not work is shaming, blaming. What does work is compassion. Finding the root cause of why she drinks. Mom has anxiety over my father's reaction to her, and has now developed a nervous tick of doing a figure 8 on her right knee. When asked she says it's anxiety, and pain. The Dr.'s are reluctant to give her pain medication for her degenerative back. They give palliative care to Cancer patients, and at this advanced stage, I don't understand why the Dr.'s think dependance on a pain medication would be worse than dependence on 5 oz. + of straight vodka per day.
So, get thyself to an al-anon meeting. Write down what you have control over, and what you do not, and use her Dr.'s social worker, or find out which alcohol treatment programs are covered by Medicare, as my mother's was. Good luck and a hug. Kitty

Detox is not for the amatuer. I have seen people here in the past suggest take all the alcohol away and don't buy any more. I would consult with a detox center before I took that approach.

Yes, I agree, littletonway. My home with my children has become toxic. I just spoke with my brother about sending my mother to stay with him and his wife. I love my mother, but I do not like her. I know that she is harming herself by drinking excessively each night. I cannot quit my job to stay home and take care of her and even if I devoted more time to her, she would still drink. My siblings are telling me to just take her alcohol away, but I would never want to endanger my mother with their quick advice. I told my brother this evening that it is time for him to come and check on our mother. An intervention is needed.

I am sorry riamborn you need to find other arrangements for your children or your Mother. Dangerous situation you have going there.

A hospice center will allow her to drink to the bitter end.

dont get in too big of a hurry . christmas is coming up and an alcoholic is the easiest person in the world to gift shop for .

Caring for an elderly parent addicted to alcohol is a nightmare. My mother functions well during the day. I am a single mother of 3 and I work full time in a demanding job. My mother helps with my youngest by picking her up from school each day. I also have an older teenager that helps to monitor the activity until I come home from work, around 6 p.m. My mother drinks every day. She can easily drink an entire bottle of wine in one night. She starts drinking about an hour before I get home. Once I get home, help with homework/baths/bedtime, she has finished almost an entire bottle. That's when I get the drama. She starts telling me stories about her life and how she was abused. When I do not engage in the ominous conversation, she becomes silent and then angry. I work in a mental health facility, so I am well aware of what I am dealing with at home.
My brother called this evening and asked how we were doing. I asked him if he wanted to speak to her and he laughed...and then said, "No, that's ok." I think that before I get home in the evenings, she pours her first glass of wine and makes calls to anyone that will listen. My children told me that she is telling them that she is the one paying all of the bills and taking care of us. She decided to take on a project of ripping up my entire flower bed in the front of the house and replanting while I was at work. She almost passed out from the heat when my son came home from school. He led her back in the house and told her to stop doing yardwork. She then told him that I was lazy and that I should be helping more around the house.
My inner child wants to replace her alcohol with food coloring and water. I know that if you remove alcohol from someone who is dependent, you can kill them. It is more lethal to detox from alcohol without medical care supervision than it is to detox from heroin/crack/cocaine/opiates. Alcohol is a different drug. The body will become dependent on the alcohol. If the body of an alcoholic is suddenly deprived, kidneys and other major organs will begin to shut down.
I will be spending my time off this weekend...before "wine time," explaining to my mother that it is not okay to tell my 7 yr old that my 16 yr old is the favorite....it is not okay to tell my children negative things while I work my butt off trying to take care of us...and that I will no longer be paying any more bills in this house with her in it if she feels that I am not carrying my weight in the household.

Hi Sandy,
Depending on her level of cognition you may want to look into a Assisted or Independant Living Facility. This greatly helps with social interaction and takes some of the burden of daily tasks like laundry, cooking, cleaning etc. off of her plate. If she is experiencing severe memory loss, you should look at a memory care unit as they are better suited to deal with her specific issues. And if you want to keep her at home you can either bring in a private duty nursing aide to be with her for purposes of safety and or companionship. Lastly, they also have adult day care facilities in some cities, that is another option. Unfortunatly, this is not the type of ailment that can be cured. Your goal should be neutralizing the side effects as best you can. You've taken the first step you are a loving daughter.
Good luck,

I agree, just taking her alcohol away won't help and could cause fatal health consequences. it almost killed my grandfather. After he came out of his coma he lived the last 16 years sober. :-) An alcoholic that wants to drink will find a way...vanilla extract...listerine...nyquil...

One Gma had one drink of hard liquor each evening. It helped her relax, and was never over-done. In her case, it was therapeutic.
As she got more demented over time, she stopped using it.
Mom, OTH, would use booze whenever, and in proportion to, how emotionally pained she was. She could put away half a gallon of wine, or several drinks of hard liquor, in a day, most days, yet not reek of it, nor get stumbling drunk--just really rotten behaviors.
She did a great job of hiding it.
But it badly effected how she treated us and our home.
No chance of her going thru treatment for it--not in her 70s and 80's.
It was not working at our house--her behaviors were pervasively destructive.
But now it seems to be working for her at a sibling's house, since they do more drinking than we do; they seem to get along fine enough.
So maybe it is less a question of how much, but how well does she get along at your place, and, if not very well, do you have sibling[s] she might get along better with, still having her drinks?
IF she went to a Facility, though, she'd have to quit--it's a rare place that will keep a patient's bottle on the med cart and dole out their booze ration in the evening!
So there's another question:
If a Facility can cause an elder stop drinking in order to be there, why not stop it at home, for the sake of keeping the peace, and helping the elder's overall state of health?