How can I help my mother. In the past five years she has had a stroke, double by-pass, left leg amputated below the knee and recently a pin put in her hip. She has therapist coming to the hose, but so far all they can do is do exercise with her legs. She is afraid to get up or even try. Everyone has tried to talk with her but she gets very defensive and sometimes cries. She is on Effexor which has helped her moods and most of her crying. Pychiatry assistance didn't work either. Help. Thank you

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I've known people (& clients) who've had a stroke and double-bypass and manage to go about their business carefully and without too much excitement. An amputated leg, however, is more than most can bear. Once able to ambulate, now on crutches and a wheelchairs; and a pin on the hip to boot. The feeling of helplessness and loss would send anyone into deep depression, so it doesn't surprise me she withdraws and cries to often. ... Just put yourself in her shoes, and imagine all the things you are used to doing having to be sacrificed -- including your independence.

She doesn't need anyone feeling sorry for her, she wants to feel useful ... and of course, appreciated and loved for the wonderful person I know she is on the inside. Do not look at her, and treat her, as helpless and/or "discarded." She's anything but that. Remember we caregivers are all in the business of hope, a vital ingredient to keeping others motivated during their recovery, mentally and physically balanced, and always nurturing the belief that things will get better. Keep us posted.

-- ED
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Thank you for you input. The therapists have tried to get her up, but my mother pulls back, starts to cry and absolutely refuses. Same with the wheelchair, she has one but my mother just wants to stay in her chair. I think it might be pychological (something from her upbringing, she was raised by her grandparents and I think they were afraid her biological mom might try something so they raised her in a sort of cocoon). But we have tried a pychologist before and they seemed to go in a totally different direction than exploring her childhood and feelings.
Thank you again.
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Pam is right give us more information and you will get a lot of insite from this great group of angels we have been there done that and learned a lot from all our mostly unneeded experience. I am wondering why PT does not try to get her up in her feet that does not make sence maybe she needes a different therapist-do not be afraid to ask for what you need have you discussed your feelings with his or her employer and that you need to have your Mom be able to get up and is that possible and what are the goals of the therapist and go from there.
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Are you alone doing this? Married? children?

Do you have a wheelchair? I sometimes take my mom out for walks in her wheelchair. The fresh air does her well. It took a while for her to want to get out though, didn't want anyone to see her in this condition. I like to think I had to convince her but I really think she came to it on her own terms. Sometimes our parents have to do that on their own.

Does she have any friends that come over to visit with her?
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