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My brother and I have not been able to get an official diagnosis of dementia on our mother. She refuses to go to dr appt and if we "accidentally" end up at the dr office she throws a fit and refuses to get out of the car. Short of man handling her we have not been able to get her there. She won't take medication. She denies she has any problems. She won't bath, wash her hair, let us get her toe nails trimmed etc. I could continue on bui think you get the main message. The neighbors complain that she will knock on their door to ask a question at all hours or will walk by and yell at them for something that she perceives as being wrong. We don't have POA. To make decisions for her we will have to get to dr.'s to agree that she is incompetent. We can't get her to one let alone 2 dr.'s!

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APS got involved with mthr and actually called me, saying Mthr needed help! We did get emergency guardianship while she was at the doc by taking photos and having them developed in 1 hr while she was at the bank. Also went to her bank with my temp guardian papers and was put on the bank account so we could pay her bills and get her housing in a memory care. Docs could not give us a competency ruling, that had to be done by a shrink in a psych eval.
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Have the doctors call APS as well. Keep a log of events, dates, times, observations to share with the doctor. Photograph the mess in the house. Lay a paper trail. You should also definitely call Adult Protective Services. They will eventually send someone out to the house and they are good at evaluating suspicious ornery people. You will need to become her/their guardian through the courts and then you can make decisions for her against her will. A difficult road. The option is to just leave it all alone, tell the neighbors if they don't like it to call APS themselves and wait for some huge crisis to hit and at that point they will be institutionalized, if they are still alive after the crisis. It's a sorry situation to be in.
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Yes, my mother in law. She refuses to go to the dr. She even told my husband she broke her hip and was going to the dr. The next day. Obviously she didn't as she cancelled once again. She blames her husband for everything,it's a mess. We've overheard them screaming at each other on the other end of the phone ( she can't figure out how to hang up after leaving a message). I want to go check on them or call APS but my husband just wants to leave them be.
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You (AND the neighbors) should call Adult Protective Services and report her as a vulnerable adult. Keep calling them until they act.

It sounds as though she is in need of guardianship. It may be better for a publuc guardian to be appointed.

If she falls, or becomes ill at home, call 911 and have her taken to the hospital for evaluation. Once she's there, you can explain her unhealthy living situation to the social work department before discharge. Sometimes emergency guardianship can be granted in a situation like that.
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