Have any of your parents had roommates while in assisted living? Was it a positive or negative experience?

I suppose the first questions are ‘what does the friend think about it’ and ‘what does the friend’s family think about it’. The first experiment would be to get the two to share one of the rooms for a couple of full days, to see how that works out. Based on my own past hospital experience, I’d ask about night time routines and disturbances – do either of them get up at night (or have the light on to read), snore (or breath very loudly like my DH). I suppose in AL the hospital night routines wouldn’t happen, which would be easier. They already know that they ‘get on’ well, which should cope with personal incompatibility. Interesting question!

PS I forgot the obvious - ask the AL staff if they have any comments!

I did this with my dad and it worked out great.

Him and his roommate were the best of buddies and worked around the little issues, like what to watch on TV.

I remember my dad telling me about their late night talks and being so grateful that they had each other to feel more secure and comforted.

Is the living room bigger then the bedroom? You could turn the bedroom into a TV/day room and put the beds in the living room if bed space is a problem. Both my dad and his roomy had twin beds in a single room, tucked up against opposite walls to avoid tripping over each others walkers.

I would not do it. Being good friends is a whole different thing from living together. Encourage them to spend more time together during the day in one apartment or the other or in a common area.

I live in assisted living because I can't walk (spinal issues) but I am 100% full functioning and still work two jobs at almost 89; finished 6 years of on-line college courses; learn new things daily; handle all of my own affairs; have hobbies, a kitty and the list goes on. For me, I would be living in pure hell if I had a roommate. I am highly independent and love to interact with people on a very high level. Roommates (99.9% are here for dementia, etc.) I could not live with someone in the room who was not like me and they rarely exist. I LOVE being in my own room, my own music, time to sleep (IF SOMEONE SNORES, I CANNOT SLEEP AND WILL NOT TOLERATE THEM), etc. So for me being alone is sheer bliss in heaven since I have to be here.

My mom will be 92 soon, always been somewhat of a recluse, & has cognitive decline. She's been in ALF for almost 5 years, has been very miserable, and has often said she likes her privacy. After spending all her money, she is now in a semi-private suite with a door between her & roommate. The bathroom & closet are attached to her room. This is probably more uncomfortable for her roommate to enter her room to go the bathroom/closet, but so far neither have complained. This has only been going on for a little over a week though. My mom is a constant complainer, hates that she's there, hits me, curses me, and accuses me of stealing all her money. When we told her about the move, she told us all she's not moving! Watch me! We moved her things into the semi-private & she had her hissy fit. The next day we asked ALF to get her involved in the activities outside the room, so we could finish moving her belongings in & decorate. We've not seen her yet; however, all reports & pictures sent have indicated that for the first time ever she is going out to the dining room, participating in activities, and seems to be happy. Everyone is shocked! Her roommate is kind and involved in all activities, so perhaps mom is mimicking her. Who knows! But we're excited and praying this will continue. Good luck to you. We just never know. My thoughts & prayers are with you.

My grandmother liked having a roommate, as she was a sociable sort and enjoyed finding out about the other lady's life. When my mom was in skilled nursing she had a roommate and it was awful. The roommate had her TV on all the time, even while sleeping and took up almost the entire room with her furniture. It all depends, but if they are good buddies already, it might be really good for them.

When mom had her hip replacement, she was promised a single room. Imagine her anger when she gets rolled into a 'double' that obviously has a 'roomie' who has been there for YEARS.

Mom refused to get out of the wheelchair and threw fit after fit. She threw an actual bedpan at me, in her angry state.

OS stepped in, made a couple of calls and moved mom to a more expensive NH and paid the difference between the 2 facilities. All of $25 a day.

Some people would welcome the company. Some can't bear it. We knew going in that mom didn't want to 'share' and so this was quite a drama for a day.

Personally, I would want a private room. I need quiet. Everyone is different.

My mom’s first roommate complained to the staff all of the time about my mom just because she liked to complain. The staff moved her out and another one in, who is precious. My mom is 91, 90% deaf and has macular degeneration and is in a wheelchair. She is still mobile and able to go to the bathroom by herself. I love her roommate.
, she too is in a wheelchair. I get her coffee and put a blanket on her when she is cold. My mom forgets that she has a roommate.
I think the facility should help you determine personalities.
I learned that my mom’s first roommate has a roommate that is just as mean, they get along but are abusive to the staff

Mom was in a very spacious "efficiency" assisted living apartment for 8 yrs. I had a partition behind the couch to separate the living room area from the bed and dresser. It was very nice. I liked it better than the 1 bdrm apartments they had because it was more open and spacious...high ceilings, large bathroom, large window. Fast forward and mom is now in memory care. These rooms are shared because she cannot afford a private room. The room consists of two bedrooms that are separated by a wall. The kitchenette (waste of space) and the bathroom are shared. Mom could not stand her roomate. My only issue with the roomate was that she would listen to her TV very loudly. The roommate ran out of money and had to move out. A new person has moved in but has already fallen and broke her hip. She is now in a rehab facility, so technically mom is alone in the room. It really doesn't matter...At moms facility they try to keep the residents out of their rooms so that they have to interact with each other and participate in things.

The thing that bothers me the most is the shared bathroom. With dementia, my mom has no idea what towel is hers, what toothbrush is hers, etc.... their personal hygiene and bathroom habits are worse than a toddlers. I will let your imagination fill in the blanks there. I have learned to let go of a lot.....LOL

How this is going to go for your mom depends a lot on the stage she is in as well.

Good Luck.

My mom was in rehab after a stroke ..was at the supposed best community ..it had IL,AL , MC, and SNF/rehab..their regular residents could move throughout after the $$$ buy in..mom was just there for rehab. Firstly, the exterior amd common rooms were plush(and like I said the place was where all the uppercrust folks went as the aged) but the rooms in snf were all shared and tbh just rundown . They didn’t have enough smaller recliners for all the women — for some reason had mostly HUGE ones. Continuously misplaced the removable parts of moms wheelchair. Had a few diff roommates ..first was just quiet , second was awful..had been in their memory care area and was transferred to snf because starting hospice..not sure why. Her family wanted her to be there rather than mc where she had a private room ..not sure why…they rarely came . First the woman wandered constantly, got into moms things and also yelled at her ..she was hemiplegic so difficult to defend herself or move away. She’d ring light (if it was within her reach ) and have to wait and watch the lady mess with her stuff. After a few days they must have medicated her because from then on the woman was just in her bed , mostly sleeping but occasionally calling out , then just sleeping always ..I guess it was whatever meds they were giving her. My mom got the flu , which the place did not follow the guidelines for when first cases broke out. No one given tamiflu until it was rampant which was too late for my mom. She was very ill ..and yet , they kept the other lady there. By time my mom was mostly recovered the other lady was sick and coughing and went quickly down hill. They kept her in same room as my mom ..who had to listen to the woman slowly dying..family came and left. We were told not to come see mom but I did ( just gowned up fully and no one stopped me ) mom was so disheartened ..she said she heard the woman struggle to breathe and finally gasp her last…can you IMAGINE?! Awful. And then she said they called the family , kept her still in room with the body for HOURS! Anyway ..it was terrible .
sorry that brought back bad memories . I’d say if you know your mother and woman get along and will have to eventually cohabitate ..I’d do it sooner rather than end up later with no choice in roommates.