Should I feel guilty?


I feel like my social life is ruined! I have grandchildren, I can't go to my grandson's baseball games because my mother can't be left alone. I am only 50 and like to go out with friends but can't afford to pay for help all the time. I really hate to get out of bed everyday!

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No, you shouldn't feel guilty. You are human and you should be able to do these things. You need to look into respite care through your local social services or through an In-home health care agency. It will cost some money but save your sanity. These are precious moments with your grandchildren. Please don't let them slip by. You might want to go onto your state website and search under "aging". You should find your state's version of the Nation Family Caregiver Support Program. They could be a big help to you.
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If you are nearly housebound by your mother's care, it's time to start looking for help. Not wanting to get out of bed in the morning can be a symptom of depression. You've been wise to recognize you're at your limit, now do something to improved the situation.
Because you mentioned the expense of hiring a caregiver, I'm assuming your mom doesn't have a lot of financial resources? Go to your county office for aging and see what services they have available for your mom. If you haven't already, you should see if she qualifies for Medicaid in the event that skilled nursing becomes necessary.
Be proactive and guard your own quality of life. The "Golden Years" aren't the end of our lives when we need the help of others just to get through the day and we sit in front of the TV to pass the time. The real Golden Years are what you're missing out on right now. You should be having the pleasure of sitting in the bleachers, cheering for your grandson.
Get help.
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tucker, do you or your mom have a church? If you do, then talk to someone there about who you could talk to in order to find someone that would be willing to sit with your mom for free. I know there are people in my church (including me) that have offered to do just that, sit with a person so the caregiver can take a break.
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I hear you~ I am 44 and caring for my 2 parents. I am glad that I am able to do it... but I would like a break once in a while. My sister came to "visit" a while back. I asked her if she could please stay for 1/2 an hour so I could run to walmart with my daughter? No. She refused to do that. Really? Half an hour?? Nope. I NEED a break. Why should all my siblings all get to go on with their lives. They have lives, jobs, friends, family... why am I not supposed to be able to do these things? I resent that. I am happy to fill this role, but I would love it if they would say "Why don't you take the weekend off and I will watch mom and dad..." Or even just a night, or afternoon? I have NEVER had anyone else help me watch them but my daughter.... and they resent THAT. I am the youngest and want to have a life a little bit... I feel guilty for that sometimes too. Why should I though. Out of 4 siblings you would think ONE of them would understand and care. I mean, what if their boss said they had to stay on and work around the clock, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year? The closest I get to a break is a trip to the store... while my daughter watches my mom... even then, I feel guilty, as I know my dad doesn't want anyone but me there watching her. I have to rush rush rush to get back. If I say anything to the siblings, they get defensive and say we should just put them in a nursing home. Why does it have to be all or none?? Why not just give me a break once in a while. I would be thrilled to get a weekend off a month!!

I understand. You are not alone. Hang in there.
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