Getting rid of the dog. Any advice?

From the posters second (or maybe third) post. She wrote....
As for caring for the dog, actually the last trip to the vet came with the news that she's neglected the dog to the point of abuse. His teeth were rotting out of his mouth and she spent $1000 to get most of them pulled. He is an old miniature doxie that also has seizures etc and vomits quite often... so the thought of trying to find another owner for an old ill dog does not look promising.

Just curious Jinx - where does it say dog has epilepsy and vomits all the time?
If the dog is clearly having problems, it may be time to euthanize the dog. If however the dog is being looked after and has no problems, it may cause behavior problems ( ever noticed how some family members give dolls to their relatives in nursing home - it calms them down)
If the dog is still is in good health, I would certainly call the Humane Society. There is a program called Seniors for Seniors that matches older dogs with senior still able to care for them

What breed is the dog? If he's a pure breed, start by contacting the clubs for the breed which you'll find online. Dog club's have a person in charge of rescue and re-homing dogs. They will go out of their way to find a new home or a foster home until they find a forever home. If he's a mix or no particular breed, post a picture and info about him on sites like"Pet Rescue" or " Rescue Me". My experience is that people are very sympathetic to dogs that are being placed because an elderly owner can't no longer care for him. Also, talk to his Vet and local shelter. Don't give up on the dog yet

RU, I tried to give you a hug, but for some reason, I couldn't figure out how to respond to you privately, so I'm going to go ahead and post directly to the thread. Hugs to you, you're in a tough situation. I'm sorry I can't really advise you on whether to have the dog humanely put down now or if you should wait until your mother in law is further into her journey, because there are so many variables in every situation. I think that is why you are getting such a wide variety of answers. You and your husband are the ones who know the situation best, so you and your husband are the ones who will ultimately have to make this decision. Peace and good wishes.

Dogs are therapy for people of all ages. To 'put the dog down' is absurd. I'm in the process of rescuing two additional dogs for our home; which will be a total of three, not so much for mom, but more so for me because I am "burned out" from caring for her. I think it's time to 'get rid of the DOCTOR'.

many AL's do let small pets live in the facility but im reading that this little dog is getting old and not very healthy. they aint gonna let a barfing, crapping dog live in their facility imo. im very kind to animals -- kind enough to put a sick one out of his misery. there are millions of americans who cant afford dental care. cant justify spending much on an animal.
smegman, show me a dog who can haul 4 ton of mason sand and ill spend money on him too.lol

Wow. I am grateful to read about the cold, closed hearts in this group before I got involved. Do you all know what you sound like to a newcomer? I hope you all find peace.

I still feel that calling up a doxie rescue is the way to go and getting the dog placed as soon as possible. Your MIL will of course miss the dog, but you can tell her this is being done *for the dog's well-being* and the doxie rescue may be able to keep her updated and send pictures sometimes. Given how old the dog is with medical conditions my guess is one of the volunteers will just take her in as a foster for her final time.

This is good for your MIL in a couple of ways. One since she can miss the dog but see proof of well-being this separation will be far easier to handle than the death. If she continues to decline you can spare her ever telling her that the dog has died and it might help her to continue to believe he's okay and be at peace about it. Pet death is wrenching for those who deeply love their animals - this way might spare her that. Either way though she'll need someone to talk to who respects and understands her feelings.

Well .. not everyone ........ :/

Thank you vstefans... Might I say, if I 'liked' to be rid of the dog and was only thinking about me as has been implied, the dog would be gone and the question would never have been posted and no one would have been the wiser on this board. You said, I think some of us are saying not to if you possibly can... This is why I was asking about 'timing' and not running only on the doctor's words... I'm also clear this will need to be done. I even asked, should I wait for MIL to be even less 'with it' so-to-speak.. but everyone fixated on the dog and made me wonder if they aren't suffering early dementia themselves. There was paranoia, anxiety, false assumptions, vicious outbursts of anger.... :) MY!

RU, I know you'd like to be rid of the dog, but if it is not horribly impractical, I think some of us are saying not to if you possibly can. If you can, it will be a blessing to MIL and doxie to give them a little more time together. And if you have to, there are a lot of possible ways to make it a little better. And no, it is NOT easy to have to decide this! Hugs to you!! You care enough to write and ask and think about it, and that's good enough for me to show you care!

A cancer patient in remission can empathize with other cancer sufferers from the inside... they've been there... Those who have not had cancer can only sympathize.

Alzheimers is NOT like cancer... there is no remission, only progressive deterioration and caregivers doing what they can. This site had one article that there is no wrong way of caregiving... Apparently my post is proof the article is baloney, or folks forgot that article.

Sympathy, yes; I know loss and death. Sympathy with help = compassion, yes--which is what I am doing. One post said something about they can't be in your world so you have to climb into theirs... in theory, in dealing with your kids, this can be done... but NO ONE can climb forward into a world they've never been in...they can speculate what Alz elders are going through to some degree and 'sympathize' with a past event etc, but you are never actually in their world... you're merely trying to project some image that make you better able to cope with it, but still that does not give you their confusion, their in-the-moment anxiety, their memory loss.

Empathy in this situation? No... I've never had to get fulfillment for something lacking in my life in either terms of comfort or entertainment from an animal whether it is a dog, cat, snake, ferret, hampster or the like. They can be cute and funny, but I do not need to establish some emotional tie with it. Some do... I don't knock them for it. That is them and I am me. I have a wonderful husband and kids and other interests which keep me fully content.

Equally, when I look at all the posts on here... I can see folks are pretty inconsistent in their suggestions, advice etc... I also can see all their posts too.

Besides that, being able to defy the doctor's pronouncement is a GREAT enhancement to most people's quality of life, isnt't it?

As usual I can see both "sides" of this dicussion - pets are not just toys to be tossed once they are worn out, and have value to their lives as well as adding value and joy to ours...on a practical level, the suggestions to try breaking it to her gradually and having mementos or substitute loveys or memorials if they make her happier are all good, and that is a YMMV type of question. Her having Alzheimer's or any other dementia that made her unable to care for the pet in itself does not mean she will be un-attached to it, or unable to cope with the loss per se. Some people with Alzheimer's type dementia may in fact forget recent events and eventually recent years and forget their pet at some point, other tyes of dementias not so much. I would say if it does come to really having to give up the dog, be compassionate in telling a sound reason why her pet can't come be with her, and sympathize with how sad that is, realizing that as long as she has enough awareness it will be a comfort and a blessing to her to know her pet has been cared about and cared for humanely in some way.

We were just talking in our family about the animals we have had and lost - 10 of them over the years total! We actually did a sort of hospice care for a couple of them who were ill but not in pain and just seemed to want to be with us. A few made last trips to the vet with us when we really could not do more; we just lost one or our favorite old lady cats to a jaw tumor that invaded her eye... even after treating all infection, she could not eat and was wasting away, was fighting it but you could tell she felt awful. One of our big outdoor dogs just lay down in his favorite spot in the shed after having slowed down a bit for years with bad hips, then slowing down a bit more for maybe a week or so, and didn't get back up that time. He looked like he just made himself comfortable, and after he was gone, we realized he'd been happily eating about 2/3 of the food between him and the two we still have. So we could look back and feel like we gave some animals a good life, most of which could have just ended up euthanized in shelters or living much shorter lives out of the street. You know the animals don't worry so the way we do, and life may be good to them despite some infirmities...I remember my husband wondering about euthanasia versus amputation for our first cat who got a hind leg sarcoma, and to me it was obvious he'd be fine on three legs! He was - for at least 10 more years. So if the old doxie has had the dental work, and is just old, I'd say keep him around. Especially if he still plays catch, he's still getting something out of the deal.

Windytown: Well, that would be the problem; I wasn't never talking about the dog. I was talking about MIL (being this is an ELDER CARE SITE) and the timing of when to get rid of the dog being her doctor told her she needs to get use to living without it, but everyone fixated on the dog...oh the poor dog... Not even so much poor MIL and NO poor RUK for having to make that decision (other than one)... So while some who held a high estimation of their own sense of self evaluated moral "empathy," they didn't actually show me any...

The true definition of Shakespear's hypocrite: One who puts on a mask (comedy or tragedy) to give the impression of something they actually are not.

RUK,

**** I think some forget that they don't know us personally, nor any of the history ... and let their mouth run off without their brain attached.****

I asked you what part of the country you lived in because of the cold. I clearly don't know you personally and that is why I asked the question. I am learning a bit about you and your demeanor from your response.

Fundamentalists, gays, cakes, religion - huh? I thought we were talking about a dog.

I wish you well, but I am done with this discussion.

RUK, yes indeed your MIL would be held responsible for her neglect of her pet, had her son not taken on that responsibility when he took charge of his mother's welfare. Eighteen months ago.

You seem confident that your MIL's level of social interaction is actually improving now that her pet is not in the house. The animal is suffering. What's the hold up?

In terms of how to help your MIL adjust to the dog's absence, I'd suggest allowing her to be upset - I appreciate this isn't something you can empathise with, but patience is good enough (I don't mean to sound sniffy, truly - my brother gets exasperated about pet animals, too); explaining that poor Fido was very ill and his "doctor" said it was cruel to let him suffer (repeat as necessary, it will get tedious); and stressing what a good dog he was. And tell MIL's doctor to shut his trap unless he's got something kindly to say. My mother's 19 year old cat has just been given a reprieve by her vet (oh GOODIE - though actually she is a cute little thing and no trouble), but the above is the routine I was gearing up for until Monday, when the healing miracle was declared. Hope it helps.

The routine I can recommend for robust, rugby-playing 27 year old men whose dogs have to be put down is a day's compassionate leave to spend with the animal, the physical labour of digging a grave, a good hot supper and two pints of real ale. They stop crying after a few hours.

Which reminds me: would you have the kind of garden where perhaps a little flowering shrub that your MIL likes could be planted, in memoriam? It needn't be tacky, and the focal point might be useful.

Psychological Aspect-the bond between a human being and their pet is so strong emotionally that when that bond is broken it has a huge emotiional and physical impact on both the person and the pet. Your mother-in-law will mourn the loss of her beloved pet. Each person reacts differently to the loss of a devoted pet. The one thing that is felt by all is the emptiness in your heart and the longing to stop the hurting from missing the devoted pet. It is just as strong as losing a human loved one. It hurts so much emotionally and only in time does the hurt lessen, but you never totally get over the loss.

he dog should never have been allowed to be part of the deal

Well, that wasn't my decision. That was my husband's and as he weighed her agitation over the big move etc... he felt that it would have doubled her anxiety on the 5 day drive, added even more sorrow and worry and been a potential safety issue as he had to drive one of the trucks while my daughter drove my grandmother and had never drove across country before. It was difficult enough as it was. So, the 'in a perfect world' reply of THIS should have happened... didn't.

You'll be interested, perhaps ironically amused, to know that the penalty you'd incur (you plural, not you yourself) on a charge of animal cruelty at this level would be... a ban on keeping domestic animals.

Yes, and I'm sure my MIL would have issues with being charged for what the vet already determined as her neglect to the point of abuse.

Of the replies, which people are the Alz professionals who can focus on 'caring for elderly parents' ? Last I looked, this is a caring for the elderly site, not a caring for pets site. My focus is my MIL who is about early to mid 5 on the Alz scale. Clearly it will be tough for her to 'get use to living without the dog,' and I can only surmise the doc said this to her and hubbie as a prep for her and a duty for us, but we are prepared to be her support in that... but I am surprised by the lack of reply regarding what to expect in terms of her behavior other than... she will cry etc... NO comments were made whatsoever on how to comfort the Alz in that situation, what to expect, how her mind might work, what her memory may or may not do ... other than the veiled "if you do that the MIL will literally die", and a few level headed comments, I saw none from a medical/psychological/scientific perspective.

Are there any?

Er, no. I'm concerned for the welfare of an elderly pack animal that is now isolated from its lifelong "pack." You are entitled to disregard them, I agree that many reasonable people do, but animals do have emotions and do suffer when they are afraid or bewildered.

Given the pet allergies in your MIL's new home, the dog should never have been allowed to be part of the deal - it should have been rehomed during the move, MIL and dog going their separate ways.

I admit that that is an "I wouldn't start from here…" counsel that therefore doesn't get you any further forward. So. In your place I'd grit my teeth and take the dog to the vet to be euthanised, at the earliest opportunity. Might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb, and it'll solve everyone's problems (including the dog's). Your MIL will be upset, but she's been upset until now anyway - at least you'll have drawn the final line.

You'll be interested, perhaps ironically amused, to know that the penalty you'd incur (you plural, not you yourself) on a charge of animal cruelty at this level would be... a ban on keeping domestic animals. Not often the punishment fits the crime that well, is it?

Then please just find a home for the dog or have it humanely put down asap. I wonder what your husband's intake on this situation is since it is his mother. Does he agree that would be the best solution?

dogbreedinfo/articles/humandog.htm

As I say, I really hope I've got the wrong picture.
--
I hope I do too, because I guess you are suggesting the other people in my home with pet allergies should suffer and are not worthy of moral care and consideration, and anthropomorphism puts the dog on a higher plane of moral care and consideration.

Do you mean that the dog is left on its own in the garage all or for most of the time? And has been for the last eighteen months? And before that (for, what, over ten years?) was your MIL's constant companion?

I really hope at least one of the above is incorrect. I appreciate that as far as you're concerned the dog is a nuisance, and that you don't claim to care for domestic animals in general, and I'm not one who thinks that only animal lovers deserve a place in heaven; but even given all that, do you not see what the impact of this change would be on the dog? As I say, I really hope I've got the wrong picture.

RUK ... then if she doesn't seem to be grieving too badly, perhaps the time is sooner. At least she'd have loving family to help her overcome any emotional issues the pet's disappearance might create.

If she goes to a NH or other facility where dogs aren't allowed, perhaps there is a friend or other family member that would take the dog. Unless the dog is suffering, he deserves to live. Poor old guy could maybe be taken to visit her at the home. Some homes encourage a kind of pet therapy where people bring in animals at designated times for the seniors to interact with.

As for the question of when, run a test .. don't let the dog be around her for a while

Over the last year and a half with the dog in the garage and not in the house, she has been more social with family and spend a good deal of time with her 4 year old great grandson...they like watching Sponge Bob together... she's still physically active and will play catch with him

Is the dog now living outside after being used to being an indoor pet? I assume since you are not a pet person, this elderly dog has no outside accommodations. What part of the country are you, because most of the U.S. is going to be abnormally cold tonight?

He's in the garage, wears his doggie clothes, he has his bed and blankets and toys, food and water and the side door is open so he can go outside--not that I do not have to clean up the dog poo, piss and vomit since Alz MIL is oblivious to that as a daily chore. The state I am in is warm--moving here only 1 1/2 year ago; but for the peace of mind of the apparently fragile, he was in the house with us when we had a finished basement and lived in -40 weather. But there it was a separate part of the house and those in our family with pet allergies weren't exposed to the dog. I think some forget that they don't know us personally, nor any of the history ... and let their mouth run off without their brain attached. So... are people suggesting I should let other family members suffer their health issues with allergies and add their additional doctor's appts for them to our schedule?

RuK, I've got a "fume" that's been growing over the last hours: what the blazes did your mother's doctor think he was doing to help with that idiotic hint-hint remark? "You'd better get used to living without the dog…" meaning what, exactly?

I dunno. Hubbie takes her to the appts. and that is what he told me the doctor said to her. And I don't know why the doctor would say that to her. Even I said to hubbie, "He said that TO her?" And he said yes... so... I said... okay...and how did she take that.

The dog is 13 years old. As I said, he has seizures, vomits daily etc... And for those that missed it completely due to emo overload... I already replied to one level headed poster that it only takes a few seconds to call a shelter which clearly hubbie and I will consider, but when I think of all the dogs in shelters?

By the replies from pet enthusiasts, seems they have the same fundamentalist mentality as the religious who refuse to bake a cake for gays.