How can you get them to go to a home if they refuse to and you don't have POA?

HI LifeRyder,

I agree. This is for the best.

And, again, when there is no choice, there can be no "refusing." I think refusing, as such, needs to be readdressed when the health and safety of the family is involved--the whole family.

LifeRyder, I am sure this was not easy for you but--if you read lots of stories here--you will see that this is for the best for you and your mom.

Is your mom content where she is? that is another question, of course. Sometimes everything can be the best it can be and people are still not content. Understandable, change is hard.

Be well.

Well the situation I was faced with was that Mother had fallen no once BUT TWICE within a two month period. Both time required 'breaking the door in' to retrieve her. The second resulted in a right hip fracture.

While she was in Rehab (six weeks), there was little information given by the facility to any family member. Being that all of her 'children' reside in other states made for an interesting time.

Anyway, here's the 'meat of the story'. My fellow siblings wanted little, if any direct, involvement in Mother's care. Being the eldest, the responsibility fell to me, as the 'democratic process' took place. Having taken on the duties of "Health Care Proxy", "Power of Attorney" & "Executor of Last Will and Testament." Yeah, I got it ALL. I was TOLD that while Mother was at rehabilitation facility, she was visited by a representative of 'Senior Protective Services' and a 'Neuro-psychologist'. The findings were that Mother was not to be released w/o 24/7 coverage and proof thereof. In the event that could not be provided, 'she will be placed in a facility. That is what has happened. So there was no choice that Mother was given, not really. Even though there was protests from myself and Mother, it was the NYS officials that made it so......it is probably for the best.

If you have always been there for them and taken good care of their needs or wants up until now, and been friendly and respectful, IE if you already have cultivated a good relationship on daily basis, THEN it should not be hard for your senior to believe you when you strongly suggest a move. If OTOH you've been out of touch,maybe giving a phone call once a week or so for 10 mins and spend all your holidays elsewhere (simply send flowers or a fruit basket, yeah that should do it), then no don't expect your senior to believe in your suggestions. Relationships take Trust and that ain't gonna happen easily, without actual in-person contact. I truly hope you have been in-person with your senior. They won't be around forever.

There is refusing and refusing.

My mom refused. But when her doctor and the Area Agency on Aging all recommended it, and when we brought her there and left her there--lovingly--she stayed. A few days later she signed the papers. I had a lot of support and help form professionals.

The important thing is this: she stayed even though we had no legal right to keep her there. She backed down in the face of officialdom: the doctor, the agency, the staff at the AL, etc. It looked like she had no choice so she knuckled under--and now she is very happy and plays bridge every day.

Yes I agree in encouraging to stay at home with help

Whoops! Didn't mean to post my partial answer. Here it is:

There are a lot of people who do need help and can't really take care of themselves anymore--unfortunately, most of these people don't want to do what WE want them to do. Oftentimes, they might accept some help at home, which can really go a long way to keep them safe and meet their needs, while giving them what we all want: to stay at home.

You can try calling your local Adult Protective Services and reporting self-neglect. However, be warned: once someone is over the age of 18, they are an adult in the eyes of the law and have the right to make bad choices. Unless he can be considered a "vulnerable" adult by your state's laws, APS might not be able to do anything other than help the elder and their family connect to other resources which might help in the situation. It is usually very difficult for the state to come in and just remove someone from their home.

You could also file a petition for guardianship. Guardianship is basically having him declared incompetent and that he can no longer *officially, according to the courts* take care of himself and therefore needs another person (guardian) to manage his care and business. This is often a lengthy, expensive, tricky process. I'd recommend contacting your local Senior Information & Assistance office (check out the eldercare(dot)gov website to search for the office closest to you). They can't give legal advice, but they should be able to give you some ideas of where to go for legal advice about guardianship.

Again, I'd really, really, really heavily suggest that you contact the local Senior Information & Assistance (also known as Aging & Disability Resources in some areas) and talk to them about getting him some help in the home. You'd be amazed how much can be done to keep someone in their own home.

There are a lot of people who do need help and can't really take care of themselves anymore--unfortunately, most of these people don't want to do what WE want them to do. Oftentimes,

Time to take him to doctor to realize there is a problem if you want him in home discuss this with doctor

And even if the person is incompetent as determined by the court, has a guardian in place, the person maintains the right to live in the "least restictive environment" that meets their needs.

Power of attorney means you are there to make sure that in their own choices they are protected. You cannot force them unless you can prove incompetency over a length of time. Sometimes you just have to let people make choices whether good or bad, just like you might do in your lifetime.

POA doesn't mean you can place someone in a nursing home.

Even if you do have POA, you cannot force a "competent" adult into a care center. If this person a danger to others or to himself? Has a doctor declared him incompetent to make his own decisions?

mrman58 :

Call "elder help:, "area of aging", your pastor or priest or primary doctor. If he has the ability of objecting and still has his mental faculties, I suggest that you and your family sit down with him and explain the advantages for him in getting full time assistance and be able to communicate with other people at the facility.

You probably will find it extremly difficult, if not even possible to get "POA" if he can make his own decisions at this time.

Professional help may convince him and you whether this is the proper place for him at the present stage in his situation.

Try to be patient and communicate with him and your family as a "family" unit.

Sonny

Court order. See your attorney.