My father is 74 and not able to properly care for my mother with FTD. She was in an assisted living facility but was evicted due to them being understaffed and not willing to hire. The facility told our family that mom took up to much of the aides time. My moms only communication is yes and no and the disease has made her feel the need to walk at least 20 miles a day and long into the night. My father and I take care of mom at home now because he refuses to find another option for care and refuses to let anyone into his home to help him except for myself and husband. Last week dad decided he needed a long break of which I understand because mom needs constant care and asked me to take care of her for a few weeks. I have just had my neck fused and my hubby has severe RA but I can't tell dad no. My mom was the most gentle person on this planet before she got sick, now she can get very aggressive if you try to block her path from going where she wants to go. The newest thing is she wants to go potty no lie every 20 minutes, I take her sometimes productive sometimes false alarms. Mom wears depends but when she sits down to potty she gets right back up again even while urinating. I have tried to block her from getting up, distract her with a magazine, redirect her with everything I can think of. Tonight she pushed me real hard and I crashed into the tub not expecting the push. Then she grabbed my arm and dug her nails into my arm to get past me to her walker. If anyone has experienced this or had any suggestions please I would love to hear them. I am nearing my wits end quickly. Peace be with you.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
20 miles a day, non stop.... Sundowners syndrome
Helpful Answer (0)

I"m not sure what state you are in, but I would determine what options you have for your mom's care. From the behavior you describe, she certainly needs 24 hour assistance. And as the posters above have indicated, her doctor and perhaps a neurologist or psychiatrist, might recommend medication to help with her aggressive behavior.

You might explore Memory Care facilities or other long term care homes that are trained to deal with conditions and behaviors like your mom's.

Unusual and difficult behavior is quite common with dementia patients. It may continue or not. Other difficult behavior may also appear. Certainly, things will progress for the worse at some point. Continuing to place you and your husband's safety at risk is not prudent, IMO. I would immediately begin my research to make other arrangements.
Helpful Answer (1)

Your mother was asked to leave Assisted Living because she needed a higher level of care. When it's put in those terms, does it help you understand that your mom needs threeshifts of caregivers in a nursing home setting? And that the three of you untrained folks trying to do this unaided is ghost intro result in disability and possibly death for the caregiver?

You need to find a placement for your mom asap. You need to get her to someone who can prescribe some meds for her behavioral issues. You need to stand up to Dad and make your needs ( and his) a priority.
Helpful Answer (3)

Is your mom on medication for these behaviors ? It sounds as though your mom suffers with akasthisia (or compelling need to be in constant motion) as well as the mental changes exhibited. If she is taking a medication, could this be an adverse effect? If she is not taking a medication, could you ask her physician what could help? A geriatric psychiatrist might be very helpful for your mother's care. A family doctor or neurologist should be made aware of these behaviors, including the pushing and grabbing she exhibited. They could help with medication and refer you to services that can help with placement/home care.
In addition, I understand you wanting to honor your father's wishes. I perceive he is in denial of the amount of care required for your mother and the fact the 3 of you cannot administer this care. You will all be totally depleted, injuring your health and often your relationships attempting to render all the care yourselves. Please ask your mom's physician for assistance. A good social worker should also be able to find assistance. You and your husband do not need to sacrifice your own health states and your relationship because your father refuses to obtain the help needed for your mother. Everyone needs to acknowledge the fact that the assistance required cannot be delivered by the 3 of you. I understand the impulse to do so, and thus continue to be a good daughter. You are a good daughter, caring for yourself. Would your mother want you and your husband and your dad to sacrifice to the degree you each do in order to care for her?
Helpful Answer (4)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter