Some things my grandma has done:

-Constantly attack and hit me: several huge bruises and cuts from her
-Get angry and attempt to break furniture, the house, etc.
-Repeats things over and over again, getting more agitated each time
-Goes to the bathroom every 2 minutes
-Flooded the entire house and the basement twice
-Sleeps 2-3 hours a day, I don't know how she has so much energy and strength
-Tries to smash my laptop, rip up my homework every chance she gets (once ripped up my exam notes the day before, I had to pull an all nighter rewriting them)
-Is either crying or screaming 24/7
-Tries to let my dog loose in incoming traffic, attempt to harm her, eat her dog food, etc.
-Always takes off all her clothes and tries to wander out the door
-Has gotten lost within a matter of minutes multiple times, can't find her way back
-Kicks and tries to break the door or window if I don't let her out
-Must watch her every minute of the day
-Goes to the washroom everywhere, including my room and the living room

My mom and I are the main caregivers for my grandma and it's just so hard. There's not a day where we both get enough sleep and we're constantly in tears just because of the pressure and the mental exhaustion.

I have had 4 midterms, 3 major assignments, and 2 labs this week as well as an upcoming exam tomorrow, but she's more than one person can handle and my mom had to quit her job just to watch my grandma 24/7. I don't know what to do anymore, it just feels like there's no way out and I'm so sleep deprived, stressed, and in pain (physical and mental). I'm a high achieving student in a very rigorous university program that I worked extremely hard to get in, and need to keep a competitive average to stay in it. I have given up my social life, varsity sport, clubs, and any kind of relaxing activity just to barely stay on top of my studies and live with my grandma. It feels like I'm at a breaking point, and I just need to share this with someone. Thanks for reading, I really appreciate any advice or words.

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Your mother and you need to find a place that will take your grandmother. From what you describe, she's out of control, beyond being cared for by you and/or your mother. Both of you are heading for physical and perhaps emotional breakdowns. I'm sure others here will share their opinions on their own experience. Your situation is no longer controllable or manageable by you and/or your mother.

GM needs professional care (that's not a reflection on your care) where she can be monitored 24/7 in a facility that has the personnel to do it. Two people can't manage some as uncontrollable as your GM.

And there's no reason in the world why either or you should tolerate physical abuse.

Although I'm generally opposed to medication for behavioral issues, I think your GM probably needs it to control her antisocial behavior and calm her down.

There's no shame in admitting the difficulty; rather, it's a recognition of a need for change. View it in that way - you've done all you can; now it's time to find a facility where GM will get 24/7 care.
Helpful Answer (10)

You need to get grandma to the ER and then into a psychiatric facility for a medication adjustment. If she's already on psychiatric meds, they're not working and need to be tweaked. If she's NOT on them, she needs to be.

This is not your fault, not mom's fault and not grandma's fault.

The level of psychic distress that grandma is in is terrible. If this is being alowed to happen, it's proof positive that you and your mom are in over your heads. You are killing yourselves caring for grandma, and you are not providing effective care.

Grandma needs three shifts of professional caregivers. Get the ball rolling today, please! For all your sakes!
Helpful Answer (8)

Why oh why, Michelle, are you and Mom doing this? This is no service to your poor Grandma who cannot help her dementia and cannot possibly be happy so out of control. She deserves better.

And for heaven's sakes, what have you ever done to deserve this torture? You need to take responsibility for your education, your social life, and your preparation for your future. You need to give up responsibility for GM.

And where does that leave Mom? Poor Mom. She must be a wreck. She is sacrificing herself and yet the end result is not good for GM and not good for you. She must be emotionally exhausted, and for no benefit to anyone.

Grandmother needs professional care in a place with 3 shifts of trained people, who each have time for their own personal lives and also have backup when things erupt.

Can you possibly move into a dorm, at least until GM is placed in an appropriate setting?
Helpful Answer (8)

Please don't tell us that your mother promised your grandmother that she would "never put her in a home" or something like that!

Your mother is sacrificing two people for the sake of one. If your mother refuses to do something about it, at least you move out. And then do something (call APS?) to look out for your mother.

I think that both you and your mother are victims of domestic violence, which should never be tolerated, no matter the cause. Never.
Helpful Answer (7)

I'm this mom's mother or mother in law? Whos is making the decisions about grandma's care?

Whoever is in charge, you to tell them you quit. You're not going to do this anymore. In quitting you may be saving your mom's life.

If simeone tells you that you're being selfish, or exagerating or being a drama queen, you point out to them that 30% of caregivers die before their charges do. It sounds like your mom is heading for a breakdown.
Helpful Answer (7)

Can you stay somewhere else, like with a friend or other family member, long enough to get through your exams? Ask the school if they have an emergency dorm available. Then, immediately discuss with your mom that things are not safe and grandma can't stay in the house. You can report what you have found out from other caregivers who have dealt with these kinds of things.

And what about your grandmother's doctor? Do they not see the mental pain that grandma is in? She needs treatment and around the clock care. Her out of control behavior may seem annoying and scary, but there is PAIN going on in her mind, It is mental anguish and requires treatment.

Is there a counselor or student health services on campus? Check to see if they have any services that might help you? And check financial aid. There may be resources for people in your situation if you have to move out of your home and into a dorm.
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Take pictures of your injuries and call the Police. Whether she is able to control her behavior or not she is assaulting both you and Mom and that is illegal. Once she is out of the house don't let her back in. Let her run down the street naked if you must and call the Police. Physically restraining an elder is not permitted.
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Grandma needs evaluation and treatment, not permission to destroy the home and the lives of two caregivers while endangering herself in the process. I would actully feel it is wrong and even neglectful of HER as well as of your own safety and sanity not to seek a full medical and psychiatric evaluation and treatment that leads either to her functioning better or to an appropriate care facility placement where you can visit and maybe interact pn a more reasonable basis.
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Definitely have her checked for a UTI. Do you and your mom know that a change in mental status needs to be reported immediately to the doctor, and that UTIs are often responsible for psychiatric symptoms? Do you see why grams needs professional caregivers?

If she is violent and injuring you, YOU call 911. You don't need permission. Just do it, and get gran the help she deserves.
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This sounds like something long term,, not a UTI, although I agree that should be looked at. This is very unsafe for everyone involved... and I agree a psych eval is needed. Please do not sacrifice yourself ( and your Mom)
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