He is also almost bedbound..I can transfer him to and from toilet and wheelchai.His memory is not the problem . The problem is he doesn't want to do anything except go out to eat once I get him out.
I suggest the zoo,movies art ,gardens anything of interest. But he just wants
to eat and have two cocktails. Am I wrong to expect more?
If I left him alone he would sleep all day and then is agaitated all night.
He has given up reading even the daily newspaper. his hearing is
great and his eyesight is perfect. He refuses water and theaphyand physical theaphy and
any walking causes him much Should I just keep him clean and happy in bed? Most of his male friends have passed on and his adult children are of no help. I am 63 and have been blessed with the physical strength to left and
help him. But if he says he just doesn't want to do anything. He is on anti-depressents , .He has always been a working man for the 25 years ys of our marriage and I know he feels alone with no office and no work..he had to retire in May, 2011. Any suggestions or is this normal?He never had any hobbies or playing any sport..His only real passion was work. Thanks

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My heart goes out to you. Dementia is a very, very cruel disease to watch in someone you love.

My husband is 19 years older than I am. He has had dementia for almost 9 years. He is still at home. I agree with you that being younger enables me to do a lot more for him than I probably could if I were his age. We take advantage of that.

I know that dementia is progressive and the day may come that keeping him comfortable and clean in bed is the best we can hope for, but I will fight against that until it is truly obvious that is all that can be done. Anything that can be done to improve quality of life now is what I want to try.

It is good that you can still get him out of the house. If he enjoys eating out, then I think that is what I would offer. Sometimes I might slip something else in along with it, if he has enough energy. "Let's eat in the nice cafeteria in the Science Museum building. They have great soup. Then we can see that new exhibit that opened last week." If he resists doing something else, ask if he will do it for you. You miss that days when you used to do things together, and you'd really appreciate seeing the ostrichs in the zoo again. Dementia tends to be self-centered, though, so don't take it personally if he can't be talked into doing something for you.

Even with great vision and hearing, the sounds and images coming in can get mixed up in the brain. When it comes to stories with plots my husband is better off watching a DVD. Commercials are too disruptive to following the story line. He is still OK watching sports on tv. He likes to listen to music for brief periods, especially music from his youth. (We just listened to Peggy Lee.)

Would your husband enjoy/be able to use a personal mobility scooter? That might give him a much greater sense of independence than the wheelchair. My husband's is the outdoor kind, and he can go on "walks" with me. I thought the social worker who suggested it was nuts, but I am really glad we have it. We use it at the fair and other outdoor events. If you can help your husband transfer onto the scooter and he could operate it, maybe a compact unit for the house would perk up his spirits.

Do you know what kind of dementia he has? Is he seeing a specialist in that disorder? He is on an antidepressent, but I wonder if it is really working. It could be a different drug or a different dose would be more effective.

Places that take care of dementia patients often call themselves "memory care units," but really, memory is only a part of dementia, and for some kinds of dementia it is a small part.

Don't give up on the kids entirely. I have recently discovered that if I ask for very specific help I have better luck. "Can you take your dad to his massage therapy appointment next Thursday?" and "Will you come over and stay with your dad while I take a day off next Saturday?" get better results than something more vague.

There are very limited ways in which my husband can help around the house, but I found that folding towels is very possible, and that is his job. He grumbles sometimes but I think he really likes having a way to help.

Enjoy going out to eat as long as you can. Try sneaking in some other activities once in a while. Check with the doctor about the antidepressant.

Best wishes to you, in this very difficult role we've been thrust into.
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