This topic is obviously very personal: everyone will have their own opinion. I have many friends who helped their elderly parents alone for years, while their siblings did nothing. My opinion is that the helping adult child should inherit more, so they’re not financially ruined after spending so much time, energy & stress, helping.
I read so many stories on here from the sole caregiver whose siblings did nothing to help and yet in a lot of cases were treated more kindly or received more after the passing of the parent. Sadly, I think it's par for the course.
In a perfect world I'd say yeah, of course the helping child should inherit more but we all know this ain't a perfect world.
Putting it off and calling it an inheritance leaves so much room for something to go wrong:
The care recipient promises and intends to leave an extra inheritance but fails to follow through, assuming there is plenty of time, and then it is too late.
The presumed inheritance is all gone because of end of life expenses when care became too much for one caregiver to handle (e.g., Medicaid spend down).
If extra inheritance makes it to the caregiver as an inheritance, the other assumed heirs resent it and it builds into a schism.
The caregiver child has to deal with their grief, the loss of their routine, and the resentment of the other assumed heirs all at the same time.
I also believe it is best to distribute photographs and other heirlooms as much as is practical before death, so the recipients can have a chance to get the stories that go with the items.
(1) in your opinion, should the helping adult child receive more inheritance than the non-helping adult children?
(2) in your opinion, what’s the best way to “compensate” the helping adult child? Through more inheritance? Through an employment contract? (but that can lead to uncomfortable “employee” feelings)… Through some other method? A combination of methods?
I posted the question: Do you think the helping adult child should receive more inheritance?
I know of some people who think children should inherit in equal parts, even if only one adult child helped.
I believe an inheritance is a gift and not an entitlement. So putting the compensation for the care as part of the inheritance makes it an entitlement and that isn't the best plan. Being paid to provide services, as they are needed, keeps inheritance as a gift and usually stops parents from taking advantage of their caring off-spring.
I, also, believe that parents SHOULD NOT place or expect the burden of care to be on any of their adult children. They SHOULD pay for the help they need and make plans for their 24/7 care, if it comes to that.
My comment was only about the helping adult child vs. the non-helping adult children.
In the cases I know, the testator is leaving everything to the surviving spouse -
The issue here is: what happens after both testator and spouse die? My personal opinion is that the helping adult child should inherit more than the non-helping adult children.
Your view that ‘it’s none of their business’ probably means that they wouldn’t agree. If that is the case, then it is solely up to the testator. You might think that the law should be different, but it isn’t.
It’s up to the testator, and I think that’s a good thing.
I’m stating my opinion: I think the helping adult child should receive more.
If not documented, it means nothing. The helping adult child will give their time and energy while enduring all the stress without any financial recompense. Too many adult children ruin their lives, financially, emotionally and even physically with a belief they are due/owed more inheritance. It never happens unless it is in the will or you are paid for your services. Don't ruin your life, get it in writing or get paid. If not, walk away and find another solution.