Follow
Share

My mother in law was wealthy, and developed Alzheimer's. She was a narcissist and had abused me for decades. My husband coerced and begged me to take care of her in our house for over 3 years. I did, although I hated it.
He promised to share his inheritance with me (3 million dollars), if I did. This also entailed fixing up her horrible, junky rentals, with rats, mold, and filth. This went on for months, of working my butt off 12 hour days, to help him out. I got no reimbursement for these activities.
He now is saying that "his inheritance", is going in his name only. Too bad, so sad.

Yes, in some States an inheritance is the beneficiaries. In a divorce it does not have to be shared. I agree, consult with a divorce lawyer. This man used you to save to save his inheritance. With that kind of money MIL could have been put in a very nice facility. If you can't get any of the inheritance you maybe able to get a nice alimony check. I hope your name is on the house. If so you can make him sell it and give u half.

My cousin worked to put her husband thru College. She was a bookkeeper and kept track of tuition, books and other things needed for College. When he was done College he divorced her. She took the records she had kept and the Judge ruled her soon to be Ex had to pay her every cent she put out for his College Education.
Helpful Answer (17)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

This isn't a criticism, but I think the key to the situation is your description of how he treated you:  "My husband coerced and begged me …"   Is this part of his personality?  Has he "used" you before, and is that how he interacts with others?

Have you ever seen any of the estate documents, such as your MIL's will?   Is he correct in claiming that he's the sole heir?   

I'm really guessing on this, and you'd have to discuss it with an attorney, but I'm wondering if you have a cause of action based on breach of an oral contract of services for "promised" remuneration, given that he's now refusing to share (or pay, if this is considered a contractual obligation).    A  "family" attorney (I think that's what divorce attorneys are called now) could offer insights.

I did a quick check for the binding validity of oral contracts in Colorado:

https://www.coloradocontract.com/are-oral-contracts-enforceable/

" If one party partially complied and/or performed with the terms of the oral agreement or if the plaintiff relied on the defendant’s promise  and suffered a major problem as the result, the court may still enforce the oral contract."

You might want to study that and try to evaluate whether your husband's promise constitutes an oral contract, and if you've suffered a "major problem" as a result of this breach of an oral commitment.   This would definitely have to be confirmed by an attorney.   Then consider exploring suit for breach of an oral contract (denial of promised remuneration, something to that effect).

Regardless, I think I'd be looking for a divorce ("matrimonial") attorney.    I can't see any hope or value in sharing the rest of your life with such a manipulative jerk.
Helpful Answer (15)
Reply to GardenArtist
Report

Please do tell your ingrate husband:

Oh, contraire about the 3 million dollar inheritance going in his name only. See, he is legally married to you which means with a good divorce attorney who can think outside the box, 1.5 million of that inheritance (HALF 1/2) could end up in your hand.
He is legally married to you, which means you have rights under the law to property and assets. I don't mean to sound harsh here, so please don't take what I'm going to say the wrong way.
Your husband is saying the 3 million will be in "his name only" is likely because he wants a divorce and is trying to find a way to make sure you can't get any of the money.
You would do well to consult a divorce attorney now and just talk. Tell them what's going on and what your husband is saying. You will likely find that the lawyer will tell you exactly what I am. SO get in front of it and don't let yourself be cheated out of what you've earned fair and square.
Helpful Answer (15)
Reply to BurntCaregiver
Report
MJ1929 Oct 5, 2021
Not true.

Inheritances are not community property. Only if they're co-mingled with community property does that happen. If kept in a separate account, it remains separate property.
(4)
Report
An inheritance is not a “non-marital asset” if the spouse can prove they contributed money or labor to maintain it. You are definitely entitled to a share of his mother’s estate. I’d suggest that you divorce this man immediately and claim half of it as part of the settlement. Keep all the records you can get your hands on. Any man who would taunt his wife in this way is not worth having..
Helpful Answer (13)
Reply to Chellyfla
Report
bolliveb Oct 4, 2021
Not sure where you live, but in NY an inheritance is not part of a divorce settlement. It belongs solely to the person it was willed to.
(7)
Report
See 1 more reply
If you are married you are going to have some rights. I would definitely consult with a good attorney who deals with divorce.
Helpful Answer (11)
Reply to mstrbill
Report

I would generate a bill and present it to the estate before probate is finished.

Verbal agreements are legally binding when there is proof that you fulfilled your side of a verbal contract, ie taking care of his mother.

Get an attorney NOW and charge the maximum allowed by law for the services you provided.

Then divorce the sorry, manipulative piece of garbage and take everything the law allows in the divorce.

He will be broke within 5 years and don't you dare feel any compassion and help him. He will get his just deserves.
Helpful Answer (11)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal
Report
Sarah3 Oct 5, 2021
I hope this is the case, can you explain a bit more how verbal agreements can be enforced? Too many women go into this I’ve seen if time and again here where they take care of a family member or partner and are told they’ll be paid at the end or inherit the home etc - GET IT IN WRITING is sooo important, I’m eager to hear if you know more about how a verbal agreement can be proven or enforced? I guess your saying the fact she did all that work shows she was performing a service for sure but couldn’t he say she didn’t ask for payment at the time? I know the answer to this could help so many women
(1)
Report
Ok - to start with he is LIAR. Why on earth would you want to spend ONE MORE SECOND of your time with him. He is also a very ungrateful USER. You are not a slave and that is how he has been treating you!!!!! I would definitely SEE A DIVORCE LAWYER straight away. Is there anyone you can shift in with for a while - eg family. I would not waste my time trying to reason with him - he sounds to me like he has a similar personality to his mother. Best wishes to you. DO NOT LET HIM PUSH YOU AROUND ANY LONGER.
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to Janetr
Report

The fact that he is declaring it to be "all his" makes me wonder if HE intends to leave and take it with him.

See a lawyer asap. I would absolutely get my ducks in a row and take HALF (or more) of everything. You sure as heck don't want to be taking care of this selfish man in his old age after doing everything else you've done. You deserve a life. Go have one.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to XenaJada
Report

It doesn't sound like he intends to stay married to you.  He doesn't sound like a very good husband.  Were things on the fritz before you took care of his mother?Take everyone's advice and contact a really good divorce attorney and do not tell your husband what you're doing. Don't make threats of divorce.  Don't say anything to him about this.  Just watch him.   Make copies of receipts, keep texts he may have sent you, write down all you can remember over the last three years....the tasks, the appointments you may have taken her to, etc..  In other words be prepared.  The attorney can advise you regarding the laws of your state and what you are entitled to.  I'm not sure I could stay married to someone like him,  How could you trust him with anything?  How long have you been married?  Do you have children with this man?  Just trying to get a feel for the relationship...
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Jamesj
Report

Hi dorain-
One word answer: divorce.
And not because of the money, because of the entire, bigger picture.(based on info in your posting). I’m sure you did not get any help from your turd of a husband with the hands on caring for his mother? Keep in mind that apples don’t tend to fall to far from the tree- and the fact that your husband allowed his mother to abuse and use you over the years; dorain, he clearly does not have your back nor respect for you, his wife. He threw you under the mom bus so HE could reap the payoff. You are way more valuable than to settle for the man who was molded and raised by an abusive, narcissistic mother. Think about it. Best of luck to you
Susan xoxoxo
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to OUHyperop
Report

See All Answers
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter