Husband coerced me to take care of mom in my home for years, promising to share his large inheritance. He now says it's "all his". Opinions?

If you are married you are going to have some rights. I would definitely consult with a good attorney who deals with divorce.

This isn't a criticism, but I think the key to the situation is your description of how he treated you:  "My husband coerced and begged me …"   Is this part of his personality?  Has he "used" you before, and is that how he interacts with others?

Have you ever seen any of the estate documents, such as your MIL's will?   Is he correct in claiming that he's the sole heir?   

I'm really guessing on this, and you'd have to discuss it with an attorney, but I'm wondering if you have a cause of action based on breach of an oral contract of services for "promised" remuneration, given that he's now refusing to share (or pay, if this is considered a contractual obligation).    A  "family" attorney (I think that's what divorce attorneys are called now) could offer insights.

I did a quick check for the binding validity of oral contracts in Colorado:

https://www.coloradocontract.com/are-oral-contracts-enforceable/

" If one party partially complied and/or performed with the terms of the oral agreement or if the plaintiff relied on the defendant’s promise  and suffered a major problem as the result, the court may still enforce the oral contract."

You might want to study that and try to evaluate whether your husband's promise constitutes an oral contract, and if you've suffered a "major problem" as a result of this breach of an oral commitment.   This would definitely have to be confirmed by an attorney.   Then consider exploring suit for breach of an oral contract (denial of promised remuneration, something to that effect).

Regardless, I think I'd be looking for a divorce ("matrimonial") attorney.    I can't see any hope or value in sharing the rest of your life with such a manipulative jerk.

Adding:  I didn't check the statue of limitations on oral contracts; that's something you should either research or ask of an attorney, to ensure that the statute doesn't "run".

I assume you have dates (approximate or specific) when he (a) asked you to help and promised sharing financial assets, and (b) refused and denied to act on his prior commitment?

Another thought... in addition to breach of contract compensation, you should ask an attorney whether or not you can charge for already performed services (since he would have had to pay an agency or individual for care) which you were providing based on the oral contract.   This might be very "iffy", but do at least raise the issue.

Please do tell your ingrate husband:

Oh, contraire about the 3 million dollar inheritance going in his name only. See, he is legally married to you which means with a good divorce attorney who can think outside the box, 1.5 million of that inheritance (HALF 1/2) could end up in your hand.
He is legally married to you, which means you have rights under the law to property and assets. I don't mean to sound harsh here, so please don't take what I'm going to say the wrong way.
Your husband is saying the 3 million will be in "his name only" is likely because he wants a divorce and is trying to find a way to make sure you can't get any of the money.
You would do well to consult a divorce attorney now and just talk. Tell them what's going on and what your husband is saying. You will likely find that the lawyer will tell you exactly what I am. SO get in front of it and don't let yourself be cheated out of what you've earned fair and square.

I'm afraid you're out of luck in terms of what he promised since nothing was in writing, but by all means consult an attorney.

Inheritances are not community property, but if joint funds are co-mingled with inheritance funds (he uses some inherited $$ to fix up the house, or he deposits money into the inheritance account), then all bets are off. If you then sold that house he paid to fix up, he's not entitled to recoup those funds beyond what his half of the proceeds are, and once he puts community property money into an inheritance account, that account becomes community property.

Money makes people change, I'm afraid. Keep copies of financial records so you know if he's co-mingled funds, and consult an attorney.

An inheritance is not a “non-marital asset” if the spouse can prove they contributed money or labor to maintain it. You are definitely entitled to a share of his mother’s estate. I’d suggest that you divorce this man immediately and claim half of it as part of the settlement. Keep all the records you can get your hands on. Any man who would taunt his wife in this way is not worth having..

My mom is 90 and has dimentia. She has begun refusing to eat. I have a care giver (who I really like) who feeds her when she refuses. She will take the silverware and make her eat. My mom knows how to use the utensil, she just says she isn’t hungry and doesnt want food, even though she has eaten very little, sometimes only breakfast. Should we force her to eat? Does she have a right to not eat? I hate fighting with her about it. She gets upset and I feel stressed but I dont know what the right thing is. Has anyone else experienced this?

Doraine, see a divorce attorney and do not do anything rash. Avoid knee jerk reactions, protect yourself. Remember possession is 9 points of the law. Living in Evergreen you must have a very nice, pricey home.

Is this a first marriage?

Yes, in some States an inheritance is the beneficiaries. In a divorce it does not have to be shared. I agree, consult with a divorce lawyer. This man used you to save to save his inheritance. With that kind of money MIL could have been put in a very nice facility. If you can't get any of the inheritance you maybe able to get a nice alimony check. I hope your name is on the house. If so you can make him sell it and give u half.

My cousin worked to put her husband thru College. She was a bookkeeper and kept track of tuition, books and other things needed for College. When he was done College he divorced her. She took the records she had kept and the Judge ruled her soon to be Ex had to pay her every cent she put out for his College Education.

You can ask an atty who is familiar with this sort of money for your state.

On the other hand, have you thought about staying and getting things you need? Maybe remodel the house (to make it worth more when assets are divided for a divorce). Maybe buy a vacation home. Investing some of the money into things that would belong to both of you. With that much money, it wouldn't make a dent in the cash to do some smaller things that could be considered half yours later on.

Enjoy life - talk him into vacations to places you haven't been. RV or something to do some travel. See what you can get out of the a-hole that you would enjoy. If you outlive him, what would happen to the $? If he would pass it on to his kids, are they your kids,too..who would share it with you?

Consult a good divorce lawyer to ensure you get half or as near to half as possible. You have earned it. It might be a good idea to see how much your MIL would have paid for 3 years of 24/7 residential care. A good lawyer might help you claim that amount in case of a divorce. You need to be prepared and armed.

The fact that he is declaring it to be "all his" makes me wonder if HE intends to leave and take it with him.

See a lawyer asap. I would absolutely get my ducks in a row and take HALF (or more) of everything. You sure as heck don't want to be taking care of this selfish man in his old age after doing everything else you've done. You deserve a life. Go have one.

Ok - to start with he is LIAR. Why on earth would you want to spend ONE MORE SECOND of your time with him. He is also a very ungrateful USER. You are not a slave and that is how he has been treating you!!!!! I would definitely SEE A DIVORCE LAWYER straight away. Is there anyone you can shift in with for a while - eg family. I would not waste my time trying to reason with him - he sounds to me like he has a similar personality to his mother. Best wishes to you. DO NOT LET HIM PUSH YOU AROUND ANY LONGER.

Ah the betrayal is so disappointing. I would not tell him your plans but realistically seeing a lawyer for some advice is the most important thing you need to do right now. Don't warn him. Prepare your case quietly and see what they have to say.

Good luck. Things can change for the better. Be brave.

Generally being married to someone entitles you to half of everything they own but I would see a lawyer and find out your legal rights.

I would go to a lawyer then divorce him he sounds like a chip off the old block

You have been made a PAWN of your husband. He USED you. That is just as bad as PHYSICALLY ABUSING you. So, PLEASE GET A LAWYER QUICKLY!!!!!! Sooner rather than later.

Was your marriage in a bad spot before agreeing to do this? She had money so did he try to save it by using you? In Florida, inheritance belongs to the gifted spouse alone. I know I didnt have to reveal it in my divorce. So document everything you did for her and put a numerical figure on it. Its got potential to be awarded to you by the Judge. You'll need a good attorney, good not expensive!

See a Lawyer and Bill the MIL, Estate a reasonable amount of 3 yrs of taking care of her.
Also, if you don't have any written proof of the agreement husband made with you, record a conversation with him about it where he admits he said it for use in Court and take it to the Lawyer.

See a lawyer asap, but also check for any receipts to back up yor claims that you did or hired others to do all the things you've described. Then sit down and write a chronological history of it all to show the lawyer, ask her/him to turn it into a legal affidavit which can then be filed with the Court, should it be necessary. As a former paralegal, I have seen the results of carefully building supporting evidence to achieve your legal goals. Best if luck, And if you decide to divorce this ungrateful man, ask for alimony!KBHKBH

Recording is illegal in Colorado if NO party to the conversation knows that the conversation is being recorded. However, in Colorado, and this varies by state, if one party to the conversation knows that the conversation is being recorded, it is not illegal.

If one person is aware of the recording, in Colorado, it is legal and can be used as evidence.

OP, are you there?

It doesn't sound like he intends to stay married to you.  He doesn't sound like a very good husband.  Were things on the fritz before you took care of his mother?Take everyone's advice and contact a really good divorce attorney and do not tell your husband what you're doing. Don't make threats of divorce.  Don't say anything to him about this.  Just watch him.   Make copies of receipts, keep texts he may have sent you, write down all you can remember over the last three years....the tasks, the appointments you may have taken her to, etc..  In other words be prepared.  The attorney can advise you regarding the laws of your state and what you are entitled to.  I'm not sure I could stay married to someone like him,  How could you trust him with anything?  How long have you been married?  Do you have children with this man?  Just trying to get a feel for the relationship...

Unfortunately, children can become as narcissistic as their parents. It's a lose-lose situation for all that have to deal with them. I'm sorry. It may never change. Know your rights and seek counsel. You just may be in the fight of your life.

I agree a lawyer is needed here.
where is the money now? hopefully not in a bank account with his name only.

I am so sorry for his manipulation of you to care for her and to be abused by her.
Document all you can from her abusive treatment of you to the type of care you gave, fed, bathed, washed her clothes. You have a good case for your time and effort for her care and a lawyer can argue for you to receive a compensation from her estate ( bill the estate ?)

I would say you might want to talk to a counsellor and/or a divorce lawyer. This is not the behavior of a loving spouse. It is slave labor conditions.

Stop taking care of MIL and her properties. Tell husband to get her into a nice memory care unit and pay for it with her resources.

I would say that you should create a sales receipt and detail all the labor and expenses for your work over the past 3 years. Look up how much labor charges for these types of services while creating this receipt. Give him the receipt to show how much is "due to you." If need be, have the lawyer help you to recoup your lost wages.

In the future, get it in writing.

Inheritances are exempt asset in some states. Check with an attorney to se if you can claim any of his inheritance in a divorce. Prepare a bill for all of work you caring for MIL and her properties.

I would generate a bill and present it to the estate before probate is finished.

Verbal agreements are legally binding when there is proof that you fulfilled your side of a verbal contract, ie taking care of his mother.

Get an attorney NOW and charge the maximum allowed by law for the services you provided.

Then divorce the sorry, manipulative piece of garbage and take everything the law allows in the divorce.

He will be broke within 5 years and don't you dare feel any compassion and help him. He will get his just deserves.

Charge him $50 a hour as a property manager - if he sold the properties your entitled to 20 % - that's the realtors fee . Charge him for being a nurse at $35 $50 a hour . Collect what's owed to you and find a good divorce lawyer . You have been taking care of this slob get rid of him.

3 pieces of advice. ..
1. Find a lawyer.
2. Get a lawyer.
3. Consult with a lawyer.
DONE!!