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I am not sure if my brother has power of attorney. Can my siblings stop me from bringing them out of state to my home?

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I don't think moving your parents is a good idea. They are not going to adjust and you will be creating a lot of difficulties for yourself. Remember, you matter too.

I have 95 year old parents who really thought they could finish out their days in their own home. They could not. I was not about to bring them 3,000 miles away to live near me.

Given their advanced age, I did not have any problem whatsoever placing them in a NH. It was for the best for them and every other family member. Up until this point, my parents' lives were good ones. They had healthy lives, did not want for anything, they traveled, they did not have to deal with their aging parents. Going to a NH is a small trade off for a long, good life in my humble opinion.

It was necessary for all involved that we did this.

You should start considering options other than yourself.
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If either one or both of your parents have any memory related health conditions or are diagnosed with dementia - even if they still have capacity and the POA isn't invoked - this is likely a very bad idea.

And maybe not for the reasons you think.

My FIL had dementia. BUT it was completely exacerbated by the cyclical home>hospital>rehab> home game that we played for far too long. That culminated in a final move to a SNF because we didn't have the ability to keep him at home any longer.

The nurse navigator AND the psychiatrist who did their rotation at the facility pulled no punches with us and advised that all of those moves greatly impacted FIL's cognitive functioning - just solely based on the moves alone.

That each and every time he was moved - his mind wasn't rebounding and wasn't adjusting. These cycles took place over several years. And the last cycle over the course of a year. They said every time he moved he took a step backwards cognitively.

You are considering moving TWO people - who could be impacted cognitively by just the move. Who could get moved into your home and change their minds dramatically.

It could cause pure upheaval in all of your lives, including theirs.

Maybe a better approach would be to offer support to the POA?

You are concerned it will be detrimental to both. For good reason.
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cmv123 Feb 2024
Thank you for your response. I have always felt moving them out of their home would cause a mental decline as well as other health issues. One parent has dementia and I expect a cognitive decline but you made me think more about this issue with the other parent as well. Thank you sharing your experiences.
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Dear Chris, moving parents aged 91 and 93 in with you is a massive undertaking that will only end with the death of both of them – and it could take years, with other care placements on the way. Even if they were more willing, I doubt if anyone who posts here regularly would think that this is a good idea. Moving them in, then finding it doesn’t work, then finding a Plan B, is very very disruptive and heaps of work for all concerned. Talk to the other family members, and try for Plan B now.
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cmv123 Feb 2024
Thank you for your thoughtful response. I am very concerned about moving them and feel as though it could be detrimental to them both. I really don't know what to do and have been struggling with this decision. I appreciate and respect the feedback from others who have more experience with these situations. I just don't have much support from anyone willing to give thoughtful, practical advice...thanks!
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I am slightly confused.
Are these YOUR parents or In-Law's?
The person that is POA for Health, for Finances is usually the one that will determine the "best, safest" place for the person they are POA for.
If the POA has no objections and if caring for them in your house is safe there should be no problem.
I would STRONGLY advise you to have a Caregiver Contract drawn up.
You should be paid for your services as a Caregiver. You should be paid for any expenses above and beyond what you normally have in your household. the people you are caring for should also "contribute" a fair share to normal household expenses.
In the contract you should spell out at what point you will no longer be able to manage care. Also be able to discuss placing them in Memory Care if it gets to the point where YOU are not safe caring for them or THEY are not safe.
Caring for someone with dementia is NOT easy. Caring for TWO people with dementia will not be just double work it will be more like quadruple the work.

Since this will be an out of State move consider that they will have to change doctors. Will their coverage be better or worse where then will be moving to? do they have friends and other support system that they will be leaving?
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cmv123 Jan 2024
Thank you for the advice....greatly appreciated. I am going to look more into Caregiver Contract...thank you for letting me know about this option....
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Your profile says “I am caring for Chris who is 53 years old living in my home with age related decline and alzheimers/ dementia”. If this is accurate, you already have your hands full caring for Chris. If this is not accurate, none of it hangs together and you need to do a fair bit more checking.
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cmv123 Jan 2024
Hi,

Thank you for your help!!!! I am new to this forum and very stressed over decisions that need to be made and unsure how to handle things. I have corrected my profile. I am actually trying to help out 2 parents (ages 91 and 93).
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You need to BE sure.
Your parent can move wherever they choose to move as long as they are competent.
If they are no longer competent to make their own decisions, and have appointed a POA, then the POA is responsible for any and all decisions about placement.
That means that you will need to find out who the POA is if your parent is no longer competent.

More information would be helpful.
Is your parent currently living at home and no longer safe?
Is your parent currently in care and you feel the care is not safe or adequate?
Are you cooperative with your brother and able to discuss with him whether or not he has POA?
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cmv123 Jan 2024
Very helpful...thank you!
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This has trouble written all over it.

You can't move people over state lines without knowing the laws governing such moves. Are your parents legally competent to make the decision to move (not just your asking mom over coffee one morning, "Do you want to move in with me?" and she says, "Uh-huh," but maybe she didn't hear you. Do they even know you are planning it? Where they'd be going? Away from their friends? Church? Clubs? Pets?

Will their insurance cover them in a different state? How about Medicaid? Will you set up all their new doctors and take them to appointments, which can be several per week? Is your house equipped with what they'll need - doors wide enough for wheelchairs, for instance, and shower bars so they won't fall? Do they need ramps?

Who will actually care for them? You? Do you know how? It's not something that just happens out of love. It's a complete about-face from your present way of life. And don't expect them to be happy in your house.

"But we just love each other so much!" Until you're changing their diapers and dancing to their demands 24/7, maybe.

Please think this over more carefully. At-home care of parents isn't for sissies, and once they're in your home, it's difficult to get rid of them even when your back is breaking, they're crying in the middle of the night, and dad's wandering out of the house while you're sleeping. Find out who is supposed to be in charge of them. If it isn't you, step back.

I wish you and your parents the best.
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cmv123 Jan 2024
Hi,

Thank you for all this information. You gave me some great questions to think about as far as insurance and other needs. My family and I are prepared to care for them. Unfortunately, I have had prior experiences helping other family members in similar situations. The difference is not being the POA and moving out of state with my siblings disagreeing with this situation. Siblings not willing to help out and parents not willing to move.
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Why don’t you ask your parents if any of your siblings have POA for them? I wouldn’t do anything drastic without knowing any facts about their situation.
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