I don’t know where to begin. My mother is 80 and has dementia and COPD amongst other things. I did not grow up with my mother. She sold me to my father when I was 5 and then when she came back to get me he started custody proceeding and got soul custody of me. My older brother is deceased and my younger brother was adopted by a 3 cousin when he was 9. I am 53 now and have been in her life started as a teenager (only because she acted like my friend and let me do whatever I wanted to do) which made it difficult for my father because I was rebellious. Of course I grew up and out of that but have remained the person everything for my mother falls on.
Her 5 siblings have nothing to do with her except call her occasionally because my mother is quick tempered and will cuss you out and hang up constantly for nothing. Over the years she has had to have medical attention a good bit and after the hospital stay will go to rehab but always returns home. She lives in an affordable apt that had a 2 year waiting list. It has emergency strings that go to 911. I work full time, have my family and I go to her place several times a week. I can only put out 2 or 3 days of med at a time and she still does not take that right. She does not know the day, year, month most of the time and sometimes confuses day and night because when she takes naps she will wake up thinking it is morning. I give her baths which she hates, she is in depends which I empty and are heavy (I have spondylitis so have a bad back), pay her bills, get her groceries, take to doctor appts, clean her apt, etc....She had fallen and broke her wrist a year ago and I had to take her to ortho every two weeks. She fell and hurt back after that and took her to urgent care. All her regular dr appts. It is taking its toll on me. I called my husband from work one day about to have a nervous breakdown. I finally calmed down. She smokes and where she lives is a no smoking premises but they really just don’t say anything because she was going outside. In the last about 6 months she has started smoking some inside and I have told her she is going to get kicked out but she does not care because she knows it will be on me to pick up the pieces and deal with it.
She was in ICU last year and I called my brother to tell him in case he wanted to stop by there and he said he did not care if she was dying or not he would not go there. He’s seen shrinks over the year as I have. I mainly have because I want to know why I let her control me the way I do. I could go on and on and on. Recently she fell again and Had to go to the hospital. It was a fracture in her lower back and is at rehab. They have said because she can express herself she can go home even though the doctor says she cannot because not being able to make decisions and dementia. The administrator says they will not keep her against her will but I told him she will be going home alone. He told me to bring the paperwork they needed to file for long term and to wash my hands and they will take it from there. I took that like he was telling me to step back because I go to rehab all the time to visit her. She is on oxygen now too and would still smoke if she went home, Anyways I’ve not been to rehab in 4 days but still have to take the paperwork. She is calling and calling and guilting me, If I turn in the paperwork and for any reason they do not have her declared incompetent her apt will be gone. I get SS and a little SSI barely enough to pay her apt. I pay her cable, phone, car insurance (she has a car but does not drive). This is a very brief synopsis. If they have her declared incompetent she would become ward of the state. She will not voluntarily under any circumstances agree to go to a nursing home and I was told if I got guardianship and placed her in a home they still will not keep her if she wants to leave. I know I am jumping around but let me add, I told her siblings she was in the hospital a month ago and not one has text or called.