My Grandmother has gone downhill very quickly the past couple months. She's officially been approved in hospice. She's mentally hardly here anymore. My Uncle came to visit her, and she doesn't even know who she is. She hardly knows who I am. She's sleeping 23+ hours a day, hardly eating, hardly drinking, saying she's talked to people who are long dead, and a million other things.

Then to make it worse, a weeks after I find out that I'm pregnant, I had a miscarriage. The doctor said I had been about 5 weeks. It's been a week now, but I still can't believe it. My boyfriend is...I don't even know. He's been ignoring me the past month. Then my parents, Aunt, and Uncle all went upstate for my sister's graduation. She's graduating college, and in a couple weeks will be moving across the country for graduate school. I had to stay behind to take care of my Grandma.

Then two days ago, I found out that my friend passed away from a blood clot in his lungs. He had been a fellow short story writer, so a couple of us are planning to do a story for him. So we've been organizing that.

All I want to do is lock myself in my bedroom and cry, but I have to take care of my Grandma. Yet, I can't let her know anything is wrong. I have to try and stay happy for her, to keep her happy. It's so hard though. Does anyone know ways of dealing with depression? I know this is only going to get harder if I don't do something.

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Maybe it is depression, or maybe it is normal mourning, complicated by not being able to be yourself around Grandmother.

Plan a nice trip across country to visit your sister in graduate school. Graduate school usually lasts a couple of years, so you have plenty of time to plan this trip. It will be something positive to look forward to.

You have had a lot of losses and disappointments to absorb lately. If you weren't feeling pretty bad I'd worry that you didn't have a grip on reality. Be gentle with yourself.

I have a pulled hamstring. I asked the PT I've been seeing if there was anything to do to make it heal faster. Her reply was that the only thing that heals that muscle is time. I think that's about where you are now. Getting to feel better, to feel normal, to feel like yourself, is just going to take time.

Do you best to take care of GM. Work on that memorial story to honor your friend. And let everything else go. At some point you're going to have to figure out what is going on with your boyfriend -- but that doesn't have to be this week or next. You're going to have to plan for a life after caregiving. But that can come later.

Be gentle with you! You deserve some TLC!
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Yes, 97yroldmom is right. I was told and have read that even if you do not carry a baby full term you can suffer postpartum depression. So be easy on yourself. If you can handle some exercise that really helps. Lately, I have been exercising more and it has really helped me with my ongoing depression. Just a short walk outside if you can.

Try prayer. If you are not a believer even meditation can help. Empty your mind and deep breathing as well.

Try to surround yourself with supportive people. If you have none of those, continue posting on here. We are a very supportive group on here.
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You have a lot going on. Hormones from the pregnancy alone could really bring on the tears. That's a lot to process. Did your doctor give you any restrictions on your activities? If not, try to take nice long walks everyday. If you can't leave your GM try stretching or yoga to release the stress. Baths with baking soda and Epsom salts and lavender oil are also good. Your writing is a good thing. Make sure you eat healthy, drink plenty of water, get a good nights sleep. It sounds like your GM is getting ready to make her transition. I'm glad you have hospice to help you. Losing a baby is a lot to absorb and I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. All of these issues can cause depression. It's good that you recognize this and want to deal with it. It takes time to heal. These are significant things you are dealing with. Don't try to rush it. Just be with it. Deep breathing exercises also help restore your energy and clear your mind. Come back and let us know how you are doing.
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