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My mom has the starting to have the dementia symptoms, forget things, toileting problems, confuse people (my sister is a neighbor, I am a friend), refuse to bath as often, etc. I would say that 70% of the time she is very functional, I tried to take her to a Nursing home with independent rooms and she had a very very bad reaction. She did not wanted to continue the tour, she got in a very angry behavior ... I know that we will need to do it but I do not how to convince her ... I do not see myself forcing her to be in the nursing home. has anyone of you be in this situation ... how did you solve it.? is there a way to manage it? Thanks for your advice.

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RCSRCS, would your Mom be self-pay if she moved to a senior complex? If yes, there are nice Assisted Living/Memory Care facilities around. The average price is around $6k per month depending on where you live. Some are set up like a hotel, with a restaurant style dining room, etc.

There are elders who will dig in their heels because of the downsizing, which isn't easy. They would want to bring all their worldly belongings, but of course they can't. It would be like us being told you can only bring enough of your things to fill one room.

Now, a nursing home is a different ballgame. They average around $10k per month, and usually the patients there need skilled care. It doesn't sound like your Mom is quite at that point.

My own Mom would never ever set foot into a senior living facility, but my Dad was ready to pack and move to one as he didn't want the responsibility of maintaining a large house any more, and the never ending honey-do list where being in his 90's he was very limited on what he could do.

Usually we need to wait for a medical emergency or two or three before we can get an elder into a safer skilled environment. My Mom had a very serious fall, thus 911, rehab and then long-term-care where she lived the remainder of her life.
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Thanks for your advice !!!
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Are you the friend or daughter? Do you have Durable Power of Attorney and Healthcare POA? It's a little easier, if you have those things. If not, is she still competent to sign them, so someone can handle her affairs when she is not able?

Do you take her to the doctor? Does her doctor know what she is experiencing. Has she been diagnosed with dementia? Depending on her symptoms, it's helpful if the family member provides the doctor with a list of how her symptoms, since sometimes in the doctor office, the person with dementia may appear okay for a short while. I'd try to work with her doctor, since, most states require written confirmation of the patient's condition and needs to enter a Long term care facility.

Is there someone who keeps check for her ability to keep herself safe in her home? Except for the early stages, people who have dementia aren't able to continue to live alone. They could leave on the stove, eat spoiled food, mistake medication, wander away or allow a stranger inside. I never thought that things like that would happen to my LO, but, I was shocked when I saw the things she was doing. Her doctor said that she could no longer live alone, so, I convinced her to go to Assisted Living. For her, the doctor insisting, that she go and get physical therapy, medication adjusted, meals, etc. worked.

It's not common to be able to convince a person with dementia to move from their home though. So, that may not happen. Often they have an illness and/or injury, that puts them in the hospital and then they go rehab and it's obvious there, that they cannot return home.

I'd explore the types of places that she might need. Some people fare well in Independent Living, but, if she has dementia and is already experiencing toilet and hygiene issues......I'd look into Memory Care Assisted Living or regular Assisted Living to see what they provide. Nursing homes are normally for people who the doctor says need skilled nursing care.

I'd also read a lot about the progression of dementia, so you will know what to anticipate as she progresses.
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I wonder if you actually mean a nursing home when you refer to independent rooms?

Have you taken your mom to a neurologist or Geri psychiatrist for assessment?

Unfortunately angry behavior tends to escalate with dementia and it may be better to handle this before placing her in any kind of facility

Assisted living facilities will take folks with dementia but often not with behavioral issues

Many of us dealt with problems for years until a crisis usually a fall occurred requiring a hospital stay before being able to place a parent in a facility

Some folks are lucky and don't meet resistance or offer up the move only as temporary while the house is having repairs or being tented for termites

The facility might also have ideas for you

Even in a facility, dementia is a long tiring journey for everyone
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I am in the same situation here. My mother's dementia has progressed in the last year and does not want to leave my place. My problem is, my savings are dwindling and I need to get to work.
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