He is a chronic pain patient, has a pump with dilaudid in it, a spinal chord stimulator and a pacemaker.I think he is starting to have either dimentia or side effects of his meds. I have to tell him the same things more than once and he just doesn't seem to be thinking clearly anymore. I feel like I am in mourning already as we had a close relationship before allthis started 4 years ago.

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Thanks for the information and understanding. You are right, my sister who lives close, doesn't seem to understand what I am going thru. I will check the internet and see if I can find a support group for me. We have in the past belonged to a support group for my husbands chronic pain issue., but I have never thought of joining one for me. Thanks for the suggestion.
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Medications have so many side effects...most of which doctors will not tell you about. So that may be causing the changes in his behavior. Have you asked his doctors about it? There may be some alternative therapies and drugs. It would be worth a try. At the very least, go on the Internet and do a search.
Your feeling of "mourning" is a common theme here in this forum. It is so difficult to watch our family members deteriorate before our eyes, not to mention being a fulltime caregiver and working too. If you didn't feel some sense of loss, that would be unusual. You are essentially robbed of that relationship you once had and forced to shift into the role of care manager.
Is there a caregiver support group in your area? What we have all found here is that most people, who have not gone through this, do not know how hard it fact, they do not want to hear about it at all. So going to a group or coming to this forum gives you a safe, non-judgmental place to vent or get advice.
It is also so very important to keep yourself healthy. All of us put our health on the back burner and pay for it later. If it gets to be to much for you, consider having family, friends, church members, etc. come in so you can have a break. If there is no one in the area, hire in-home help for a few hours a week.
good luck
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