He has muscle aches and nothing worth calling a doctor for. I know that it is his dementia talking when he won't take "no doctor" for an answer. To fake talking to the doctor doesn't work because he's smart enough to know the difference. Explaining patiently doesn't help, he wants to be the boss.
(Sometimes his real personality seems to bleed into his dementia and it makes it harder to deal with him. He is sweet, especially now that he's older, he's definitely softened, but at the same time, he seems to feel the need to demonstrate his authority in little ways "do it because I'm Dad." When it's particularly bad, he will cry and say to my bro, his caregiver, "you're my father, you have to do what I say.").
Or he wants to learn everything. Now. From the beginning. What is an email? What do you do with a smart phone? I am so glad he wants to start over each day, he wakes up not knowing where he is and it takes hours to remember. He won't accept that at 86 you can't learn things as easily or as much as when you were 30. He won't be realistic. It's like he doesn't know he's old, and that's the saddest part. He was successful in life because he wouldn't quit, wouldn't give up, and now it is his biggest frustration, because he has his sights set too high. If it isn't important, he doesn't want to do it. He won't do word games or puzzles, or art, because to him they have no value. At a senior day care center, he isn't interested in anyone or anything.
I'm getting ready to insist on paid help since he is so needy and I live 3000 miles away and his caregiver can't do enough to keep him happy, and the caregiver is under so much stress that he also can't be happy, but the argument is that he never likes any caregiver. To me, that is sad, but no reason not to get professional help. I am increasingly frustrated that he, the caregiver, is so unhappy, but won't pay for professional help. Dad should have enough money for it, but I certainly would be unwillingly to talk about finances with the caregiver since he is so stressed, I could get a lot of friction just for mentioning.... Do you think it is appropriate for someone who has financial control over his father's care to offer to share information on how he is spending the money? I do, but I could be biased.
Dad's in his dementia a good deal of the time, though usually it just exhibits itself as fixations, ascribing meanings to innocent things, but increasingly there is a standard delusion that he has that causes him to want to alter parts of the house and windows, and it seems like just when you have a way to figure out how to solve him imaginary problem, he changes it. If you find holes in his logic, he changes the story, 180 degrees sometimes. Almost like the only purpose is to show that he can control things.
I have a difference of tactic from his daily caregiver, and I don't get to exercise my thoughts, but I feel that if you let patients know their thoughts count, they are less inclined to be defensive and need to exert authority. His caregiver, perhaps because he's learned what works, tries to not give him an opening from the beginning. Caregiver wants his authority respected. I wonder if that isn't what fuels Dad's delusional attempts to control things.
This is all over the place, but really for now, when he asks an obvious question that will have an answer he won't like, what do I do? All other observations also welcome. Thanks so much.