My 86 mother is extremely intelligent (PhD with top honors) but is showing increasing signs of dementia. Not just random memory issues, but, for example, she rages that I've never told her things, although I have at least 10 times before. She has trouble with simple sequence instructions. My younger brother is MD with no bedside manner (probably on spectrum) and doesn't want to deal with her. Older brother is across the country and they don't get along. As a result I, the daughter, get all the calls. She has insisted that there was an "emergency" and I had to go over immediately; I work full time and was out of town on business... She calls me about junk mail wanting me to tell her what to do with it. She almost fell for a scam when someone called claiming to be her granddaughter who needed money sent to Peru (!) because she was imprisoned there and needed bail (fortunately mom checked with me and her accountant, but even then kept insisting we might be wrong that it was a scam). When I gently suggest she has cognitive issues, she insists that it is just "you kids" who think that and her doctor "knows" she is fine. Recently third parties are commenting to me about it ranging from a nurse (who was helping me post-surgery) to my mom's accountant. If I knew her doctor, I'd call him/her, but I don't have a name and I'm pretty sure my mom would not give it to me. I have tried to ask about POA but she shuts me down. I've tried to talk about where she would like to go if she needs care but she insists she wants to stay in her home (she could afford 24 hour care for a while). She shouldn't be driving, but she does although I refuse to let her drive me. (I've tried to set her up on Uber.) My real question is how do I convince her to let me talk to her doctor? Or is there a way for me to find out who her doctor is (she is with large HMO)? I realize that the doc cannot talk to me about my mom, but assume that I can provide information to the doctor.