I care for my husband who has dementia. He's not very bad yet but has very little long term memory and virtually no short term. My grief is for the man he was. I recently discovered that he has no memory of our wedding 38 years ago, and only patchy ones of the following years. It breaks my heart to realise that I am alone with our past, can't discuss it with him, no cosy nights recalling the fun of our youth. I also grieve for our lost future. No retirement holidays as we had hoped, no meals out, no social life. His two daughters have no contact with him or me, and despite kind words and sympathy, my sons are not hugely supportive. I have good friends but am loath to come over as a whiner or bore them to distance themselves. Everyone says how strong I am but actually I'm crying with loneliness and grief inside. I don't need help with him, but I'd give a lot for a day out or a social evening with someone who understands and shares memories. This grief is becoming unbearable and I'm not eating much as it makes me nauseous to think of food.
Am I being selfish or does anyone else feel this way?