Can I anonymously report dad's dangerous driving and is that my responsibility?

Driving is the true equalizer. It makes one feel powerful and useful. Women are just as powerful behind the wheel as men. A driver’s license is clear evidence of independence. Just think of yourself as a newly licensed driver. Aah, the freedom! So no one wants that taken away. It looks as though your father is aware that his vision is not as good at night and has avoided driving at night and he tried to do you a favor. And now you want to do him a favor by keeping him safe and people along the roadway safe. Both of my parents had to give up driving and both of them agreed to give it up without a fight. I’ll tell you how I did it. Peer pressure from peers of their own generation. I spoke with a dear friend of my father’s and we hatched a plan. I had a casual and friendly conversation with my dad about dangerous drivers and the havoc they can wreck on other people’s lives and their own lives. I purposely did not bring up my dad’s driving and in no way implied that conversation was about him in any way. This is an easy conversation to have because it is about other people and your dad will not get defensive. A few days later, as scheduled, his good friend called and said he was thinking about giving up driving. He was concerned about hurting other people and was equally concerned about the legal liabilities he could face if he got in an accident and hurt or killed someone. He did not want to place his wife in financial jeopardy in case a court ruled against him. (He is an attorney and knows how unpredictable courts can be.) A few days later my dad came to me and said he was going to give up driving, but not his license. He never drove again. When my Mom was diagnosed with AD, we had the doctor talk to her about the risks of driving with AD. He never told her not drive, but certainly left her with the impression that driving was not a good idea. On the way home from the doctor’s appointment my Dad told my mom he had given up driving because it was the best thing for our family and that she should think about doing the same. She agreed to stop driving. We put the keys in a different spot (we didn’t need to hide them because they couldn’t remember the spot) and neither of them sat behind the wheel again. We (my siblings and I) made ourselves available to drive them where they wanted to go and made regular plans to get them out of the house. When their licenses expired we got them state IDs. It extremely important that you treat your father with dignity and kindness. Best wishes.

Calgirl: Imho, yes, you need to report his driving to the DMV as they are the organization who issues DLs, albeit night time driving is poor only or not. If you were to say nothing, you would regret it if your father has a vehicular accident, especially if he injures someone else or himself. Perhaps, as stated by CountryMouse, your father MAY not have been fully awake in the pre dawn hours.

Had this problem with my father a few years ago. DMV didn't do much. He had bought a car without a drivers license. So one day he was driving home from my house to his, so I called the police. They stopped him at home talked to him then called me over to give the car keys to a responsible adult as his DL was expired and suspended. I took the car and told him had 3 months to show me a valid DL. He couldn't so we took over the payments. (was cheaper for them as the car was trashed and they were upside down on the loan). If you do not do something and he kills someone how will you feel. But be prepared to help out more.

Hi Calgirl,

Do you think there's anything else going on with your Dad, or do you think this was just that he shouldn't be driving at night--That this is a visual problem?
Why not go for a ride with him during the day? If there are still issues, then discuss it with the DMV.
I think you're smart for staying on top of this. Unfortunately the older we get the quicker physical changes happen. He could have had a decline in his skillset since last year. Neither you or your dad want someone hurt if he's having trouble with his driving. I'm side-eyeing your therapist, who surely knows that if there's a safety issue here that your dad shouldn't be driving, and that they should be reporting him if they think he's a danger to others.

From another California gal.....I don't know about other states but here your insurance will not cover you once you have a diagnosis of an incapacity like MCI or ALZ or dementia. Even if the accident IS NOT YOUR FAULT you WILL be considered AT FAULT and your insurance will NOT cover you. This leaves you and your estate at risk. This is not a chance anyone wants to take. You have worked long and hard to build an estate to care for your later years. Our primary doctor notified the DMV and my husband's license was revoked immediately. We got him a California official Senior Pass which is accepted as a legal ID.
The Dr, said it is easier to tell a person they have a terminal disease than to tell them they can not drive.
Good luck

Also in California. My husband reported his mother (MCI) and his father (almost blind from macular degeneration) at the end of October 2020. He asked for anonymity, but gave all contact information, cited his relationship, and checked off the boxes on the form. His parents have received no notification from the DMV, but both were driving without valid licenses. My FIL had gotten an extension because of the pandemic and continued to drive even though his ophthalmologist told him NOT TO DRIVE. The parents have gotten no notification of anything. Since everything is now completely invalid because enough time has gone by, they would have to retest. When my FIL was in the hospital lately, he had the neighbor go over and unhook the battery cables on the car because while he thought HE could drive, he knows she cannot. It's a big emotional mess as she called and yelled at my husband because she wanted to go to the store for ice cream. ("It's JUST around the corner!" she said.) I pray you get more response from the DMV than we have.

Reach out to his Dr that has diagnosed him. Tell the Dr your concerns and they can send in a medical report to have his license taken away or not be renewed. I did this with my husband's neurologist. She sent the report because I did not want my kids to know I was the one wanting him driving anymore for his safety and of others. The Dr had no problem with my request after the DMV kept renewing his license 2 years in a row.

I hate the idea of limiting the little social freedoms seniors still have just because family/loved ones are fearful for them. I get the worry, I really do.

So why doesn't your dad agree to not drive at night, if that will make you feel better and you say he doesn't drive at night anyway?

You'll be crossing this bridge soon enough but I don't think you're there yet. Without something more serious as a basis for your anonymous report, I wouldn't do it. At this point, since he hasn't done anything except worry you, then I don't think it is your responsibility to report him. And your father could resent you, or be angry at you, if he finds out you've reported him, even if you believe it's an anonymous report.

I would tread carefully.

Others have suggested approaching this with his doctors. I think that's a good place to start.