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She herself is a reverend.

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I cannot believe you would want to go against her wishes at the end of her life. I am an atheist all my life; while I don't mind a friendly face stopping by, and have no problem whatsoever with my friends who DO believe, this is personal to me, in that I seem simply to be born without the slightest gene for belief. I would find it so offensive if someone did an override on my wishes just because I was finally helpless enough they could do so.
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If she doesn’t want to see a Chaplin, why would you go against her wishes? If the rest of the family needs comfort and to speak to a member of clergy, I would arrange for it to be done without your aunts presence.
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Excuse my bluntness, but from the last I've heard, no chaplain has ever come back from the dead to tell us anything we didn't already know.
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sandy1955 Jul 2019
Such an unkind response to her questions.
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Not sure why sub comments under responses aren't available here so I'm just commenting generally but more in response to your last elaboration on the big picture Lorraine12; as a reverend herself she obviously has a very personal relationship with her faith and feels secure in that. I think your instinct about her lack of connection or affinity to the Hospice Chaplin is probably right on point and good for her for not tainting her own peace with her beliefs by putting up with someone she didn't feel connected to in that way, the simplest way to protect her bond with faith in this case is to refuse to see this person. If I were in your position I think I would ask her if there is anyone she would like to see, offer to contact someone for her and if she doesn't ask for a Reverend or faith based representative leave it be. Your attentiveness to this part of her life and desire to understand what might be helpful given your own life experience with faith is so special and so tremendously loving that there is no question in my mind that your aunt feels surrounded by love and that is all connected to her sense of faith. "Last rights" is not a part of every faith and often a persons need to see a priest, Chaplin, pastor just before they pass has more to do with their need to reconnect or feel connected and sometimes "unload" but it sounds to me as though your aunt feels right with her faith and feels her spirit connected to her God she doesn't need someone's help with that and what a perfect place to be, she sounds at peace with her passing. You should take great solace in that and be happy basking in her energy right now and your connection, love, with her. It's a very special thing, both your concern and awareness and her seeming peace, your family is very fortunate.
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Is seems a bit that the desire for the Chaplain is for yourselves. There is no shame with your aunt's wishes and honoring them shows self respect for this on your part.
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My FIL declined a 'chaplain' assigned to the hospital over and over. He was a member of a church with a very organized hierarchy, and the people 'in charge' visited him regularly and it really probably didn't occur to him that's who they were. (He was by no means active in the faith)

He passed quietly and with no drama in the hospital. DH, BIL, SIL and I were all there. We had a few quiet private moments with him after his passing, DH gave a short prayer and we were done. Dad always fell bad he never got to visit Spain, so before he died, I whispered in his ear "dad, ask whomever comes to get you to see if you can take a quick 'flyover' Spain".

We were all at peace. If your aunt does not want any religious fuss made, respect that. She might be mighty surprised to see what lies on the other side of this door we call Earth. I think we all will be,

Pray for yourself for strength and courage. God makes all things right.
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That’s so sweet. I love that, ‘flyover to Spain.’
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Why go against her wishes? It is part of HER exit plan, I would honor her wish. The day before my cousin died he told me to give one of his cars to a certain friend, another to another and some $$$ to two other friends, It was verbal, not in his will, I did it honored his wishes.
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Wow that's a tough one. For me I wouldn't go against her wishes, She's comfortable with herself to walk with god on her own. May god bless you and your family at this time.
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You could ask her if she's like to see someone of her faith - can you contact people from her old community to see if there is anyone affiliated with her church that may live in your area?
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No, Let her Go...
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