My 84 year old mother is taking total care of my dad with Parkinson's with some help. I see mild dementia symptoms in her, too. Do I wait until she's totally demented? She is a very angry & controlling woman, so this will be a nightmare.

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Harley, I would stand back and wait until Mom says she need more help or that they need to move to a retirement village. Yes, it will be a nightmare, so prepare for the war, it won't be pretty.

Your Mom comes from an era where it is the wives responsibility to take care of their husbands no matter what is the situation. They do not ask for help. Or admit they need help. I bet your Mom also denies that your Dad has Parkinson's.

I went through the same thing with my own Mom when my Dad had a heart attack. No way was Mom going to allow Dad to live in rehab to get better. She could make him better being at home. And no, her husband did NOT have a heart attack. That would have meant she wasn't taking good care of him [which she was].

Even if your Dad didn't have Parkinson's, you would have the same issue. Usually there is one spouse who is willing to downsize and move into senior living or agreeable to hiring full-time caregivers... and the other spouse refusing big time, no, nada, never.

Even with a Power of Attorney, if your Mom can take care of herself, then she is still in clear enough mind to make decisions, even if they aren't the decisions we would want them to make. We have to wait for a medical crises, or two, or three before we can make any changes. I had to wait for two crises before I could use my parent's Power of Attorney.
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