If elderly parent lives in your sibling's home, is the sibling obligated to allow you to visit your parent?

Not that it will ever be an issue here, my siblings (Mom's other children) haven't visited her in about 20 yrs. They only call maybe twice a year for under 5 minutes at a time, (yes, I've timed it). But, If it ever does come up, I have decided that thier visit will take place outside of the home, a hotel room or something. They are simply not welcome here.

I personally have no interest in improving or having any relationship with my siblings.
And Nataly, My sister also accuses me of keeping her from seeing mom although she has NEVER TRIED!. Although in our situation, she is just trying to cover her tracks of the neglect she is doing to our mom, and I realize it. I just don't have room our time for whatever thier problems may be, MY hands are full with something much more important- giving mom the best, most comfortable and happy end-of-life that I can.

Gee Ted, are we related? Same with my siblings but I've always kept an open door policy. I worked a full time job and for 10 years mom went to a day center- my sister would tell everybody she knew that I kept her from seeing mom- as if!!!!! She never visited either place. Once I took a vacation out of the country- she never came by then either. That said, you are under no obligation to let them visit in your home. Take some tips from divorced parents- they can pick up Mom or Dad and take them out or you can meet them at a restaurant, park or event and drop them off. You are under no obligation to let them visit in your home

Always learning I think I have to disagree with you about something. Yes there may be underlying problems between the siblings but I think it is an eldercare issue. My brothers and sisters while not always agreeing on everything always got along, that is until our mother took a turn. Mom was always the strongest person I knew and there for all of us, but once the reality hit or the denial stopped they all ran for the hills. They left it to me to take care of Mom and sell her house, doctors etc. In the beginning I would have big Thanksgivings and Christmas just so my mom could see all of them, but like I said that got old fast. Now if I need someone to take her for a day or so I need to start asking months in advance. Do I hate them, no feel sorry for them. Big believer in what goes around comes around. They are all teaching their children that parents don't count, so lets see what happens when its their turn.

The one posting the question has not given us the impression that s/he has not been seeing or trying to see the parent in the past. There is no indication the person has not helped with the care. It is a general question.

I have seen situations where one sibling comes in and takes control from the other sibling who has been taking care of the parent(s) and shuts original sibling out for whatever reason. It does not mean the first sibling was neglectful or anything, but the second sibling thought they could do it better and wanted control (sometimes of the assets more so than the care.) Or thought the parent needed to be in a nursing home. So it may have nothing to do with the person posting this question and really there is not enough information to determine exactly what is going on.

I think the poster should talk with a elder law attorney about his/her rights and the rights of the parent who should be able to see (if able to understand) anyone s/he would like since the home is his/her residence, too.

After all of the years of caring for mom by myself I had plenty of time to think of my sibs and how not only how they let mom down, but how they let me down too! Some relationships just aren't meant to be. The cards and letters approach is a good thought but the sad reality is when you send it by registered mail to CYA- that's a joke! People can and will say anything to those who will listen (people love a good story). Keep your head up. In the end you will have a clear conscious and blessings from above- they do see all. Hope this helps.

I understand comppetely. My mom also lives with me and my 9 brithers and sisters have just about forgottten that they have a mother. The few times that they want to see her they would come to my home and expect me to wait on and entertain them. Well that got old real fast so when they want to see their mother they now have to pick her up and take her to lunch, dinner etc. Will no longer be the floor mat for them. So no you don't have to open your house to them. Just remeber you are not alone.

Whoa. Something big is going on here between you and your sibs, and it's probably bigger and older than "just" the matter of eldercare, though it probably includes that too. It's not essentially an eldercare topic -- it's first and foremost about your relationship with your siblings and how to handle whatever awful situation you guys have gotten yourselves into. If your objective is to see your parent against your sibling's will (because you feel they're "obligated to let you") you may succeed in seeing your parent but you sure won't make anything better with your sib. How about broadening your scope to say to your sib "How can I see Mom/Dad and at the same time take steps towards improving our relationship, or at least not making it worse?"

Igloo, I actually set up an e-mail account for mom years ago so that the sib's could communicate directly with her (since apparently they don't know how to use a phone) and send pix of the grandkids and stuff and when I sent them an email with all the address and expressing my desire that they keep in touch with mom for her sake, I got back an angry email rudely telling me that I had no right to request any such thing from them and that they will run thier relationship with thier mother as they please. For years now that email account has not had one message.

Loaded question!!! There are situations where siblings don’t want to be bothered with an elderly parent who is being cared for by another sibling and there are situations where the siblings do want to be bothered. I think that in the instance where the sibling wants to be bothered, then that is a step in the “right direction” that may open the door to them potentially offering to help out more. If this really just boils down to an issue between the siblings, totally unrelated to the parent then, I feel the siblings need to set aside their differences for the sake of allowing the visit with the parent.