She has been here for over 2 yrs.& we've tried to show love & compassion. tried to make her as comfortable & welcome as we can, but she has never been happy. she is now delutional & paradoid on a daily bases. got up in the night looking for my grandson. took me a long time to convince her he was safe at home with his parants, but she kept wanting to go outside to look for him. finally got her almed down in bed, but of course i couldn't sleep after that. can't use slid inside only bbolt loks because my husband comes home at 4or5am. both her dr. & mine say it's time, but it breaks my heart to think of trying to bring it up & deal with the emotions. just need some advice.

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mamoo8, it is time. You have done your best and given MIL several extra years of living in a family home. This has been a generous gift. Now it is time to let professionals take over.

First, find the appropriate facility. Make the financial arrangements.

Only when you are fully read for the move, explain it your MIL. (Perhaps it would be more appropriate for your husband to explain it --??) Don't give her days and days to agonize over it or argue about it or try to guilt you about it.

Our situation was different in many ways, but our mother also had dementia and had become too much to handle at home. We told her the day before we moved her that we had found a very nice new home for her. My sisters managed to have her furniture moved in and her pictures on the wall before I brought her there. That helped a lot.

I know that you are dreading breaking the news to her. I don't blame you. But realize that the telling will only last a half an hour or so. There may be a day or so of difficulty after that. But she's lived with you years and I'm sure you have dealt with other difficult issues that lasted at least that long. You CAN do this. You will get through it. And keep in mind that you are doing this for her own safety as well as for the sanity of your family.

Let us know how this goes for you. We care.
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Scottie12, thank you for taking the time to share. Many people here will need to make this journey. We learn from each other.
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Today was a bit easier than I thought it would be. We brought my mother to the memory care home and she was not happy to be there. She figured out right away what was going on and she wasn't going to stay. I kept reassuring her that I would be with her and help her through the day and each day thereafter. It helped to bring some of her furnishings, some pictures and other familiar things. I positioned her favorite chair by the window so she could watch the cars go by and she seemed to fit right into that comfortable position. She kept asking me when she would be going back and how long she had to be there. I kept asking her to just give it a try and that her days would continue to be the same, she would see me every day, the only thing that was changing was she was sleeping in a different room. It was a long day of continual reassurance and it helped that she had a couple of visitors that stopped by. The hardest part was dinner time, it was tough to sit there and see so many faces staring into their own dream like worlds and not talking. My mother didn't seem to concerned but that's probably because I was there with her. I left her around 7:15 pm and am hoping that she gets some sleep tonight so we can continue this journey tomorrow. It was definitely better than I thought but I am a little scared about tomorrow.
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Yesterday, my mother was picked up by a kind stranger. She was wandering along side a very busy road. I knew this day would come and I have made arrangements to move her from independent living to a memory care facility. Today is that day and I know how scared you are feeling. I don't know if I can go through with it but I need to think of her safety and my sanity. I will let you know how the day transpires.
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