Mom won't sign papers to get Dad into assisted living. What can we do? - AgingCare.com

Mom won't sign papers to get Dad into assisted living. What can we do?

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He really needs it and wants it.

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Short and sweet: Make an anonymous phone call to the county Social or Human Services in the county they live in and report them to Adult Protection Services. They will have to come out and do a home visit and file report. That should start the ball rolling without them knowing it was you. The statement that your Mom is keeping your father captive should elicit a pretty quick response.
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You tell your attorney that you need a psychology eval. on your parents.
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What sort of specialist, Fred?

If in fact you believe your father understands his own medical condition, and he is still refusing treatment, the short answer is that you don't. You just keep hoping he'll change his mind.

If you think he has become mentally incompetent, your options are as Beechgirl suggested; or you could try calling the specialist and asking for advice.

It kind of depends on what the situation is now, one week after your original post, and what you're hoping to achieve.
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You call 911. Tell them mom/dad has beenacting strangely and is refusing to see a doctor. When you get to the hospital tell them you are requesting a psychiatric evaluation. If 2 psychiztrists agree they cn be held for 72 hours without the patients permission to access them and get proper treatment for them.
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How do you get them to a specialist for diagnosis when they refuse to go?
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You know what you need to do. It won't be cheap and your parents will be angry, but the best thing is to see an attorney to get guardianship and conservatorship. Also, it has been my experience that most primary doctors won't diagnose dementia. You should take your Mom & Dad to see an elder psychologist or elder neurologist to get an accurate diagnosis. The memory test that most PCP's do won't give you an accurate diagnosis. I know because everyone in the family knows my Mom has dementia, as well, as my Dad, but I couldn't get a diagnosis from their PCP. It took a psychologist to give us a diagnosis of dementia. With that I went to court and got guardianship over my Dad and conservatorship over both Mom & Dad, so I can now pay for the care they desperately needed and Dad can no longer take Mom home from rehab after her falls AMA, against medical advice. Yes, they were angry, yes both my brother and my husband didn't think I should go to court, yes it was expensive, but if I had it to do all over again, I still would have done it. IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
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I have been through a similar situation. Get legal advice. There is a site online called AVVO. You can ask precise legal questions and a few lawyers from your area will answer. It also has a rating system on lawyers. I found a wonderful one Some will.give you an hours consultation for free, some you pay for. There are so many issues involved that no lay person is going to be able to give you the exact information you're looking for. I spent months under such stresd I thought they'd bury me. Once I put it in the handsof a good attorney, I could breathe again.The tension in my neck and shoulders disappeared. You need someone who is not emotionally involved. A side note if dad's name is on the joint accounts he can withdraw money without mom being there. He can sign both a Health Care Proxy and Power of Attorney naming you without needing mom's permission. Check that website AVVO.
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Fred, I am confused as is GardenArtist. Are you caring for both mom and dad? In the profile area you can list two or even more as I have on my profile by adding another person.
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Fred, I think if you'd explained from the outset that your father is 89 and has both congestive heart failure and renal cancer your mother's refusal to co-operate in trying to get him into AL might have sounded less stubborn and selfish and a lot more realistic. I am sorry to learn that he is in so much pain: codeine or other opiates would suppress respiration, presumably that's why he can't be given those while he has pneumonia. But at some point pain relief must become the priority. I should do what you can to get his medical team to focus on his physical comfort. I'm sorry for all that you and your family are going through.
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Fred, the AL question is probably moot if your dad has MRSA; they wouldn't admit him, from what I understand/remember from my mom's application process.
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