Right here is the best place I have found. You can repeat yourself over and over and we ALL 'get it'.
Support groups kind of want you to 'get better' and sometimes, man, we just want to roll around in our self pity.
May not be the healthiest way to handle it, but our LO's who are making us nuts aren't changing, are they? Some actually really enjoy the drama---just sayin'.
Hi Katiekat2009! I Just watched some videos of Dr Les Carter. Boy did I learn a lot! I am so grateful to you for your advice. I have been struggling with my narcissistic mother for so many years. I have ordered Dr Carter’s book and I feel like I am about to finally get my life back, or a least make a start. Thank You so much for the support!
I have researched this very same topic and found some therapists who specialize in narcissistic personality disorder and will counsel adult children who still experience their dysfunction. However, I have not found one that actually offered anything more helpful than I found by sharing experiences with the good people on this site, or by watching youtube videos. You may be luckier than I was in that search however. For now, I will say whatever your are experiencing that many of us will understand. I could go on and on about my parents, but this is not my thread. I will just say boundaries help to keep your sanity and you do not owe it to your parent to sacrifice your own wellbeing for their needs. You are important too.
Dementia definitely adds an entirely new and exciting dimension to narcissism lol! I don’t know of a support group. My success with a support group for an invisible illness I have was less than stellar though so I haven’t looked that hard. But the best thing we did with my mother was find a good, upscale ILF then ALF. ( has to be upscale for her but she has the $$$) . She hated it at first, still complains to us constantly but she has a little kingdom to rule over , they encourage residents to participate so in the first one she took it upon herself to take charge of positioning all walkers in the dining room lol. She can boss the less forceful people and they are out of it enough not to care. The staff claim to love her.
She’s still a handful for us to deal with she since somehow she raised a bunch of total incompetent ner do wells 😉 but we can basically stay out of the day to day drama and just get involved with things our POAs deal with. 60 years of dysfunctional family life is more than enough.
As a nurse you may have already done this but the best thing I’ve ever done for myself was go to a therapist. I actually went for help dealing with the plethora of health problems I have since at the time knew nothing about NPD and assumed everyone had a mother like mine lol. That was about 12-15 years ago and I’m still discovering things about myself my mother claimed about me that were total lies. It’s probably the main thing that has helps me have the strength to put some distance between myself and her. I’m much happier and have more peace and she doesn’t control my life as much as she used to. It would be great if we all had kind, loving parents but we can’t change that. We can only change how much it rules our lives.
Bean, your best bet is to call your County/city council on aging to see if they have a list of caregiving support groups.
Otherwise, the best support group I found was right here on this forum :) There were no support groups in my area, and I live in a large metro area. The main reason was caregivers weren't able to get away or find someone to help out so that they could attend meetings.
Narcissists are clever and they are personable and charismatic. They are fully capable of turning the tables on anyone who tries to "get help" or family counseling. Because they, unlike psychotics, want/need to be loved they will manipulate the drama 10 ways from Sunday. You are already well on your way to learning what the personality is, but if you go to a group they will likely tell you that you aren't a psychologist (unless you are) and will not fully understand what you are going through. I myself am not capable of caregiving to someone personality disordered. Not sure I am strong or able enough to caregive to someone "normal" let alone that. Just saying. I might get on with my own life, and let Dad pretend for a while that he didn't have a daughter.
Support groups are great if you can find one that addresses the issues you are dealing with. I have found scheduling a "Pity Party" for my self every now and then softens the dealing and caring for this type of personality. My husband has vascular dementia, narcisstic personality and is on oxygen 24/7 (he is a pistol ) Keep in touch with this forum...it will help with your own sanity.
Not specific to one relation or disability, but at CoDependants Anonymous we learn how to make better boundaries, have more loving relationships and get to know real people who can become your best friends. There are meetings almost everywhere.
The word Narcissist is really getting out there. There are also many wonderful coaches & tons of videos to watch & learn from. You can leave messages, join support groups & even hire a coach. Narcissist are nothing like bipolar & depending how far up the spectrum they are, they can be dangerous. At least, very difficult to deal with. Depends on a few things on what you should do.
I've read a few books on getting freedom from a narcissistic parent and the only way to do that is to change ourselves by drawing boundaries and not allowing them to control us anymore. The thing with that is that it's way easier said than done! Since my narcissistic mother has developed Vascular Dementia it's like an even worse situation! Until recently I thought my sister and I were the only ones dealing with what seemed to be a torturous mother! We didn't even know there was a word or name for it until I took an abnormal psychology class! My therapy is talking with my sister who is the ONLY one who understands me! Now I see on here we are not the only ones so this is my other support now. Perhaps it can be for you as well?
My father is 94 and is a malignant narcissist. I'm the youngest of 4 and it has fallen to me to take care of his needs. I'm 60 years old but when he goes into one of his meltdowns, I feel like a little girl again. He's starting to have some confusion/dementia and it has made everything worse. I'm starting to insist on some sibling support, not easily done since they all live far away, but I've reached my limit. This is also after caring for our mother who passed recently due to Alzheimer's. To make matters even more fun, he's blind. He lives alone and I have someone coming in every day for two hours. Recently added another aide to come in twice a week to help him bathe. I've read so much about all of this, boundaries boundaries boundaries are in every article. Not so easy to do after a lifetime of his behavior and being terrified of him. He's weak and frail, and today I went into a laughing fit because I've been so upset these past few days... I'm 60 years old and my daddy is mean to me! It sounds so ridiculous! So, no, you're not the only one. Hang in there and as all of my siblings say, be sure to take care of yourself, too.
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Support groups kind of want you to 'get better' and sometimes, man, we just want to roll around in our self pity.
May not be the healthiest way to handle it, but our LO's who are making us nuts aren't changing, are they? Some actually really enjoy the drama---just sayin'.
I Just watched some videos of Dr Les Carter. Boy did I learn a lot! I am so grateful to you for your advice. I have been struggling with my narcissistic mother for so many years. I have ordered Dr Carter’s book and I feel like I am about to finally get my life back, or a least make a start. Thank You so much for the support!
I don’t know of a support group. My success with a support group for an invisible illness I have was less than stellar though so I haven’t looked that hard. But the best thing we did with my mother was find a good, upscale ILF then ALF. ( has to be upscale for her but she has the $$$) . She hated it at first, still complains to us constantly but she has a little kingdom to rule over , they encourage residents to participate so in the first one she took it upon herself to take charge of positioning all walkers in the dining room lol. She can boss the less forceful people and they are out of it enough not to care. The staff claim to love her.
She’s still a handful for us to deal with she since somehow she raised a bunch of total incompetent ner do wells 😉 but we can basically stay out of the day to day drama and just get involved with things our POAs deal with. 60 years of dysfunctional family life is more than enough.
As a nurse you may have already done this but the best thing I’ve ever done for myself was go to a therapist. I actually went for help dealing with the plethora of health problems I have since at the time knew nothing about NPD and assumed everyone had a mother like mine lol. That was about 12-15 years ago and I’m still discovering things about myself my mother claimed about me that were total lies. It’s probably the main thing that has helps me have the strength to put some distance between myself and her. I’m much happier and have more peace and she doesn’t control my life as much as she used to. It would be great if we all had kind, loving parents but we can’t change that. We can only change how much it rules our lives.
Otherwise, the best support group I found was right here on this forum :) There were no support groups in my area, and I live in a large metro area. The main reason was caregivers weren't able to get away or find someone to help out so that they could attend meetings.
Keep in touch with this forum...it will help with your own sanity.
Since my narcissistic mother has developed Vascular Dementia it's like an even worse situation! Until recently I thought my sister and I were the only ones dealing with what seemed to be a torturous mother! We didn't even know there was a word or name for it until I took an abnormal psychology class! My therapy is talking with my sister who is the ONLY one who understands me! Now I see on here we are not the only ones so this is my other support now. Perhaps it can be for you as well?
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