Anyone else getting flashbacks?

I just came across this thread. Interesting conversation.

Since I hurt my foot 3 mths. ago I've found myself feeling really isolated because I'm not mobile. I find myself contemplating old age and all it entails. I must admit it scares me. The thought of feeling helpless and dependent on others. Even now, watching hubs go into stores while I wait in the car for him makes me feel really depressed. I watch elderly people limping around and think I'm I already there? My foot is healing very slowly. I'm scared it may never be normal. Walking is my form of exercise. What if I can't anymore? Take care of yourself people! The older you are, the slower it heals. Don't fall! Listen to Golden. Take your calcium and protein etc.

But flashbacks? Not really. I have a hard time letting my mind go back to those caregiving days. I think It's a form of avoidance. If I'd allowed myself to dwell on those times I think I would have spiraled into a dark place. So I deliberately don't go there. I miss my mom but just don't think about her much. I hope if she's watching from above she understands. I just can't.

To be honest I hope I die before I get that old. Sounds selfish I know but I just don't want to go there. My mom was so sad and I was so sad for her. I don't look forward to being in that place. I pray I die in my sleep while I'm still somewhat healthy.

I’m praying I die of anything other than dementia and that I am not helpless for very long. Although I took care of my mom, dad and husband while they were dying, I don’t want to live to a “ripe old age”. Unfortunately, I have a lot of longevity in my DNA.

I had flashbacks for many months after my husband died, but they began to be farther apart and eventually faded away. Your "flashbacks" sound more like your own fears about being similarly frail and in need of help yourself someday. Maybe you will be; maybe not. We don't usually get to choose, but we learn to adapt to each new stage of what we need for our own care. Try not to obsess too much over what might happen to your own health. Deal with conditions as they develop. They are often things you never expected or prepared for despite all your pre-worrying.

Oregon has assisted suicide and you don't need to be a resident to legally end your own life. When I get to that point I'm moving back to Oregon -- anywhere I need to go to make sure I can make that decision for myself. I have no kids and no family.

You aren't alone. It's insane that we humanely put animals to sleep but let humans linger and suffer. That isn't going to happen to me. I'm moving to Mexico for starters. No way am I aging and dying in this country and if I must...again...Oregon is where I will reside.

Flashbacks? I don't think I would characterize it as that but I do have thoughts of my own aging and mortality and can picture myself lying helpless in bed or in a wheelchair as my mother was. I've always believed life teaches us the lessons we are supposed to learn so perhaps going through all that was preparing me for that kind of future?

I definitely don’t want to live as long as my mother did.

It’s interesting to think about how some people live so long. Look at your mom, Golden! Geeeeeez, I can’t imagine.

My mom was shocked to live to 95. Her brother lived to be 96 and sadly, her sister died at 46. She had kidney disease.

My parents took in my cousins to raise as their own.

I have a cousin who just turned 100.

In my 70's now and overwatching the care for my soon-to-be 99 year old mom, I find that watching her age (gracefully at that) and understanding what's best to assist her, I'm actually learning how to age and planning for my own aging years.

A few points in answer of the posts below,

These are visuals mainly of my mother, and of my youngest son who died aged 23 many years ago. The emotions accompanying them have blunted though I will never be completely comfortable "seeing" my son on his death bed. I am not in distress when I "see" these images. But they are a reminder of difficult times in the past and, as others have mentioned, flash forwards to the future.

I think it only realistic when you are 85, which I am, to recognize that one's quality of life may decrease and prepare for it mentally, emotionally and financially,. Mother lived to 106 and there is longevity on both sides of my family.

I have always found it better to face difficult things head on. I am not worrying about my future. I have plans for my care and enough resources to carry them out. Fortunately Alberta foots most of the bill for nursing homes. Mother was in a new one, state of the art, her own room etc. and her carers were good. I could not wish for a better place for myself should I need it.

I am not one to take my own life but to each his or her own.

I do also get flashbacks to my childhood, the tension in the house, mother screaming etc. but again the feelings have blunted over time, thankfully.

I think going out into the woods and just leaving this world would be great.

Jesus is in my life and I trust Him and God's plan implicitly.

I totally agree with planning and looking after yourself as much as possible. I eat healthy, watch my weight, BP and blood sugar. I can do squats, and work on having as good a lifestyle as I can. I am in the process of downsizing the family home and moving to a condo with my sig other further south where the winters are shorter and there are more resources. I look forward to new opportunities there - gardening on and further developing a lot I have, meeting new people, getting involved in the ME/CFS Association there and so on. Dinner theatre!!!

No one wants to decline and become helpless. It is not a happy thought and not a thought to dwell on, I agree. Thankfully I have much more in my life than those thoughts. I appreciate everyone's feedback and experiences. Most of my friends have already passed so I don't have many to talk these things over with. Younger people have their own different issues and interests, which are also interesting to me. I do have one older lady I talk to and we laugh as we commiserate about the changes that come with age. It's great to be able to have fun over them.

One of my current goals is to bring more laughter and humour into my life. I have downloaded, some Bloom County, Calvin and Hobbes and Pogo cartoons to help with that. Still looking for more!

Have a great day, everyone and look after yourself!

Anything can happen to a person regardless of their age. I watched my dad (2 yrs ago) & mom ( last Nov.) pass in ways that could have been avoided. Neither took ownership of their health and even tried to care better for themselves. My mom ended up being bedridden because she so loved her wheelchair and just became weaker.

Do the very best you can to be healthy mentally and physically. If you are getting weak ask your doctor to order physical therapy at your home every few months. At least you can learn some simple exercises and stretches.

Get in touch with old friends or make new friends. Socializing is so important. Go back to church if that interests you and join a ladies group that supports a charity. Great way to meet people.

Do you have any hobbies you used to love?

I wish this chapter of your life to be joyful and have peace!

This thread has inspired me to contact the Death with Dignity Org to inquire about tweaking the 6 months to die requirement to a definite date such as the decision to put someone in Memory Care: no Hoyer Lifts, Depends or lock downs for me.

After reading all the different ways memory care patients suffer and end up locked up, I'm really wanting a Mai Tai and a handful of Fentanyl.

P.S. For me, caretaker flashbacks are about witnessing the demise of a love one and realizing I, too, might find myself stuck in that reality. No, no, no!!!!!!!!!!!!