I'm losing my mind.

I was where you are. If she has a smidge too much money, spend it down. We did repairs on our mother’s house to get it down. Get a prepaid funeral for you and any other siblings and your mother. A smidge can be dealt with.

Be ready for the next health event that requires hospitalization and then act on getting her placed.

Right now you are in a FOG, of fear obligation and guilt, Google it. Try to get your head out of this situation for a little bit. Have someone watch mom , if you can, for a while, so you can think with a clearer head, Solutions will come easier.

Thank you all so much for your replies. I really appreciate you all, but am so overwhelmed right now that responding to each of you seems insurmountable.

no

So sorry to hear about the burn out, Stardust. It’s rough. 😬 I remember having similar thoughts during the six years I was caregiving for my father and he was a great person who paid me for my time and was very appreciative AND I had a wonderful sibling doing half of the work. Still, the seemingly unending nature of it gets you down.

What kind of care needs does your mother have? Are there boundaries you should have with her that you currently don’t have?

As said, there are Qualify Trusts that will take any overages in SS or Pensions.

Placement can be done if you need to do it, and it should never include your own money; it takes an entire lifetime to save enough money to help you in your own aging process, and that with good job, good health and good luck in timing, along with lots of coupon clipping.
You don't say it she lives with you? Or you with her? But in either case that would be poor decision making.
If she has too much to apply for Medicaid then she should either spend down, or see an attorney about QIT trust or Miller Trust to handle that issue, or go into ALF and spend it down until she qualifies, attempting to find an ALF that allows her to stay on Medicaid.

If you continue to insist on being all the solutions, and on insisting on being responsible for her life and her happiness she is almost certainly going to allow you to do that; it's easier for her.
Good luck.

Please seek local, professional legal advice on getting mom qualified for residential care. Don’t give up, there are creative ways to make it happen. You need to advocate for your own well being even more than hers at this point, requiring change to the situation. I’m sorry it’s so hard and wish you courage to change it and peace in the days ahead

You need to talk to an Elder Law attorney if you haven't already as they will tell you how to spend down your moms "smidge" of money that is keeping her from qualifying for Medicaid.
And by no means do you spend one penny of your own money on her care as you will some day need that for yourself.
If you don't take good care of yourself your mom just may outlive you, so just breath and know that everything is going to work out and that your mom will get placed sooner than later.
Now...go take that much needed nap.